I feel like today has been a quiet turning point for me. I did have a gambling dream last night, but rather than it being one that gives me false, positive memories, it forced me to "play the tape forward" after a few rough days where the idea of going to the casino did start to seem tempting.
I dreamt that I decided to go, lost, and called out sick from work because I was too depressed. I remember thinking "so 2019 is going to be more of the same..." and was devastated. I felt so much relief when I woke up and was able to take the day by the balls and say hello to the weekend with a smile on my face.
I feel like I'm flexing my discipline muscle, and I'm getting results in other aspects of my life as well. This isn't to say that my gambling was a result of me being lazy -- thoughts like are deeply untrue and tend to actually lead me to gambling via guilt. But I was paralyzed by my raw emotions, and now I feel there is a serene barrier between my actions and my feelings. It's still not very strong, but I'm working at it day by day.