Depression, Stress, and Food Addiction *TW*

trigger warnings: overeating, binge eating, depression, anxiety and stress, criticisms from others, cultural ideas of fitness and beauty

Hello everyone. This is my first post on this forum. I decided to post here under Addiction rather than Binge Eating because, well, the latter is the symptom of the former, and I don't binge so much as find myself desiring a food so much I can't avoid it. So, yeah, I'm addicted to food.

I don't know why I am. It probably has everything to do with chronic low-grade depression that I've apparently had since about age 9, and it gets especially bad when I'm stressed out (which is always for the last oh 10 years). My parent's have no addictions at all, and I don't know anyone in my family that is addicted to anything. Me, I'm addicted to food and anything else that ignites the pleasure center of my brain (movies, tv, hobbies...) and it has on occasion affected my life, but not drastically.

My food addiction became obvious to me when I admitted to myself that I hid food, planned access to the hidden food, and ate food in secret basically all my life but increasingly so the last few years. Everyone else I know loves food as much as I do, but they don't cave in to the slightest pang of hunger and run to the fridge. None of them are big people. So naturally I become ashamed and don't want to be seen when I secret-eat. Even normal eating sometimes brings fears of ridicule. I'm nearly fainting from hunger not long after a meal (which is another problem), but I'm hesitant to even go and eat an apple lest I hear about it. "You shouldn't snack," "don't eat between meals", "you just ate". Sometimes these comments never come, but sometimes they do, from people who do not have the same stomach-schedule as I do, are not weak to their addiction.

Hints to the addiction were also seen in cravings. I will crave a food, a specific food so strong that it will put pregnant women to shame. If I don't eat that food, I will remain hungry. This can't be physical, because entire meals aren't satisfactory if I want something else.

Today, I had a wonderful, big lunch out. An hour later I felt hungry. Yes, I am PMSing right now, and stressed and depressed because of reasons, but there was not one chance that I was actually hungry after eating a meal I could barely finish! I put off eating a snack until a couple hours later, but still. That doesn't make any sense.

In any case, I'm addicted to food, all food really, but of course none of the HEALTHY stuff.

The depression tells me that nothing matters and that I should eat whatever I want because in the end I'm going to die anyway, might as well enjoy what I love most (and of course that happens to be food).
The stress I have in my life is just worsened by the knowledge that I gained weight, because people aren't "supposed" to be fat, and of course most people will not find me attractive. Even my long-term partner (who is living in another country at the moment) I worry will leave me once he sees the weight I gained, because he's French, and the French are morbidly terrified of fat. My issues with him is a whole other can of spam....

It's a vicious cycle of eating to de-stress and stressing because I'm eating.

The thing I want most I guess is to stop NOT caring that I'm eating myself towards a heart attack, but I really need to stop being so addicted to the types of foods that are destroying my body.

i also have an eating addiction, and don't want to trigger you. Your story is almost identical to mine. thank you for sharing your story. i feel the same as you do.

This also sounds exactly like me. Like you, I joined this forum for support and help out. I am exhausted by this, as I can imagine you are. I know this is just the internet, but I am willing to be someone to talk to. I hesitate to use the word 'support' bc that usually makes me feel worse. But there is a way out. Depression sucks, stress sucks...I get that from a very similar background as you. My boyfriend is even a huge health nut - a body builder. Sometimes I wonder if that is the reason I have such a hard time with accepting this. I am ready to go on the journey to dig myself out. I would love a brave companion.

I had some food adiction and i tried *mod edit* it helped me in a way. But before try osme drugs you have to take a doctor consultation.

Oh, my best friend is suffering from depression and food addiction and she decided to use xenical to lose weight. I just don`t know what I should do, because she don`t listen to me and this "treatment" can be very harmful for her health! I need your advice!