Weird fetish... Am I gay, bi, or neither?

I'm 18 and for some time I have been debating whether or not I'm gay, bi, or neither. The thing is that I am really turned on to other males from a physical perspective, but the thought of having sex with another male isn't all that appealing. In addition I feel like emotionally loving another male, would just feel weird and awkward. I have guy friends, none of which whom i'm attracted to and I just wonder maybe i'm not gay. (in fact one of my friends just came out to me and I was shocked, which raised even more questions about myself). On the other hand women are somewhat attractive, Women's genitalia , and kissing a girl gets me slightly aroused, and the thought of having an emotional loving relationship with a women is really appealing, but seeing a female naked doesn't do too much for me...

I must admit I have always I have always had weird emotions about things of a sexual matter . Since I was 12, when I first started masturbating, I remember lying in bed crying for hours because I felt guilty, helpless and just an overall sick feeling. I have sort of gotten over that, but at times I still have anxiety attacks after masturbating and sometimes depression. I have never been sexually abused and have never been brought up in a family being taught that masturbation is a bad thing. Sometimes I wish I could go back to when I was 10 before I had sexual feelings.

I must confess I have a weird Fetish. When I see a guy that I am really turned on by, I fantasize about being that guy. When I masturbate, I picture myself slowly turning into that person. Usually the guy is someone who is taller and more masculine than me. I remember this starting when I was around 12. I was a late bloomer so many other guys developed much earlier than me. I remember being fascinated and turned on when other guys hit their growth spurts and when their voices changed. The idea of me going through it was sexaully arousing. I don't know why I am this way and I don't want to be this way. Currently I am seeking a psychologist for GAD and OCD and am just wondering if this is something I could talk about and possibly get over. I get very depressed because I can't really see myself having a sexual relationship with a man or women and I want that, if only I could get this fetish out of the way. Is there a classification for the type of fetish I am talking about? I read on another website this is known as "a jealous passion" where a person with limited social contact with the same sex will often fantasize about being another guy. These are the ONLY fantasies I have ever thought about during masturbation. I have tried others (thinking about intercourse) but it just doesn't work as well...

(is this even classified as a fetish? It doesn't involve any objects or behaviors so I don't know)
If you could give me a little advice, I would really appreciate it!

It could be a fetish, but it is not unusual for young males to be attracted to other males. When I was young I had feelings for a couple of friends but never did anything about it.
Nothing says you have to act on it, the joy of a fantasy while masterbating is you can do anything you want and no one ever needs to know. I would say enjoy the thoughts, no harm can come from it.
In time you will sort out what you want to do and if you are Gay, BI or whatever

Dear mbenz4ever,

I would like to say that I'm not certain exactly how I stumbled upon your post, but I am glad that I did. You see, I went through the very same thing just a few years ago. I'm now well in my twenties, but the events that happened during my adolescence helped mold the person I am today.
I was about 13 and in middle school when I was the smallest kid in my class. All the other guys had hit their "growth spurt" and were more developed than I was. At the time, I was an only child and didn't really have other kids my age around, so it was mostly adults. I had no idea what masturbation was, and when I "discovered" this activity, I felt totally worthless and so ashamed. I could never tell anyone what I was doing because to me it was totally shameful.
So I started to try and occupy my mind and in doing so, I noticed that I really paid attention how a select few of the other guys in my class started to develop more muscular bodies. Before long, I was completely enamored and caught myself daydreaming about their good looks and toned, muscular arms, chest, and legs. All of a sudden, I caught myself staring one day and it hit me.... WTF???? Why am I staring at my buddy's arms and chest so intensely? ..... It was then that I realized that It's not so much that I was sidetracked, but that I wished that I had their physique!!!

Now just to clarify, I was just a normal teen. I was tall and thin. I wasn't stocky, or extremely skinny......but rather somewhat normal compared to everyone else. For some reason, I caught myself staring and even daydreaming about this one guy ALL of the time. It wasn't a gay feeling. It actually felt like you said-- I really wished that I had the same physique as my friend. At the time, I had no sexual feelings because I even thought "What if I'm gay?" I quickly dismissed that because I couldn't see myself being sexual or intimate with another guy. I was just rather jealous and envious of their hot bodies.
Now I don't think what you are going through is a unique, bad thing, or is even a fetish. It took many years for me to mature and realize my true feelings. It took a while, but I finally realized that the feelings that I had wasn't that I wanted to "Be" the attractive guy in my dreams, but that I wanted to touch and have a sexual experience with. I was beyond scared!!!!! This was too much to handle because I wasn't gay! No way!
It took awhile to accept this and even several more years before I acted on this feeling. Now I'm not saying this will happen to you, but I am saying that you should be true to yourself. If you have a certain feeling, go with it. You can't help how you feel and who you are attracted to. I tried to suppress my feelings for many years and it did me more harm than good. I wish I could have those years back.
I finally realized that I was a gay and I have since been able to have a loving, caring relationship with another guy. Even though I thought I never could or would, it was actually my saving grace. When you have a certain feeling, you know it is all right..... and it is going to be all right.

Good luck to you and I hope you will keep your head high and let yourself be open to what the future holds for you. Please don't limit yourself and worry what others may think.

You are the only one who can live your life......... Good luck and Best Wishes!