Feelings towards mother

I am new here and joined to get feedback on this issue as it is something I cannot speak to anyone about.

I have had sexual fantasies about my mother in the past and defeated them. They have returned under new events. I am now recently divorced. I have a psyc background and my mother is a therapist as well. I’m not naive about why I have these issues as my childhood was not the greatest.

Growing up my mom had bad boundaries and was smothering and went from bad guy to bad guy. At one point she was with a female co-worker, not openly but obviously. I was very close to my mother and exposed to my mother’s wackiness. She was definitely the hot mom growing up and I have no problem getting women anytime.

I eventually grew apart from her and concentrated on my wife which didn’t last long. My mother came in and was very supportive.

I then came over one day and caught her with a married man, I watched a full minute before they realized as she was so loud and face down in the pillow. When he pulled out and tuned I got a full view of her from behind bent over. I left, and didn’t understand until later this was a trigger for me.

I’m now 38 and she 58 years, and clearly both don’t do well in normal relationships. The problem is I keep justifying to myself that this is justifiable. Outside the whole “it’s your mother that’s gross” thing that society preaches I feel that is more a social norm. I keep thinking that it may bring us closer, and would be enjoyable, and loving. I also feel that it isn’t impossible as she and I are both sexually a mess. We have a rift between us and maybe it would bring us closer?

All this is nuts I know and I am aware of Freud’s theory. Any feedback is helpful, starting with why it is wrong.

No advise?

FORGET ABOUT IT, IT IS MADNESS!! Your mother will almost certainly not feel the same way. In the highly unlikely situation that she does like you that way, if you fall out sexually, you will likely end up parting ways and you will lose contact with your mum. You only have one mum! It will poison all the happy memories that you had together. Just do not do it. Go out and find a different woman!

No more advice than has already been given in your other threads-

paraphilias/topic163204.html#p1681966
sexual-disorder/topic163134.html#p1680522