Can you be a pedophile at age 20? Other weird fetishes too..

So ever since I was in middle school, I've been sexually attracted to young girls. Of course, when I was 12-13, I thought it was normal to be into that stuff. Once I got to high school, the fetish didn't go away. I would go over to friends houses and see their little sisters.. I would masturbate that night to the thought of having sex with them.. even though they were 9 or 10 years old. When I was 15, I ended up dumping a girlfriend because I was sexting with a 13 year old girl and getting naked pictures from her. I thought it was so hot but every time I finished masturbating I would feel so bad about my attraction. I still feel bad about ruining that relationship.

I'm also very into incest. I look up family porn almost every day. Not my own family because I'm an only child, but the idea excites me like crazy. I'm mainly into incest with young girls, like father daughter and all that nonsense.

I'm into violent sex as well, like rape. Of course I would never do that to anyone, but I'm turned on by rape scenes in movies and the like. I've never told anybody this. I role play in chat rooms where I talk about hitting young girls while they're being raped. I sometimes add family members into the fantasy if I'm feeling it. Every time I finish, I'm always ashamed, but then I dismiss it because it's the internet and theres much worse out there, but I still feel weird.

I'm 20 years old now, a sophomore in college and I have a beautiful sexually attractive girlfriend who I'm positive I will end up marrying. Maybe someday I will tell her these fetishes that I have, but she will probably be the only one that knows about my dark secret. I will never act on any of these urges and I mainly jerk it to normal porn. But all of my friends think I'm completely normal because I put up a barrier.

I've tried to figure out why I'm into violence and girls.. maybe I watched too many scary/gory movies as a kid or maybe I have suppressed memories of sex from my childhood. All I know is I will likely keep this secret for the rest of my life.

I'm not attracted to children, but I am extremely into the violence thing (murder, rape, killers- the whole enchilada), so I kind of understand the confusion you're probably feeling. And I'm no professional, but I think that you can be 20 and be a pedophile. You're past puberty and so being attracted to prepubescent girls isn't normal at your age, therefore, I'd consider it pedophilia instead of just being mentally younger (if that makes sense ).

shredpow wrote:I've tried to figure out why I'm into violence and girls.. maybe I watched too many scary/gory movies as a kid or maybe I have suppressed memories of sex from my childhood.

Some people have a specific event or person in their lives that they can pin down and say "that's why I turned out this way." Whether it's a traumatic experience or a family member that abused them or whatever. But a lot of people just turn out with problems that they can't explain. I had a very good upbringing, good family and parents- I basically had the most normal, good childhood you can imagine. But somehow I ended up with a whole lot of problems and I have know idea why. So, if you want to figure out why you're this way, you might be able to dig deep enough for an answer, or you might, like me, just never know why. It sucks, but over time, you might be able to find healthy outlets to help you along the way..

shredpow wrote:All I know is I will likely keep this secret for the rest of my life.

I totally agree. I can't really tell anyone about my problem. I mean, everyone would hate me if they knew I thought about killing people. I have told one person though; I told my boyfriend, only after we'd been together for over 5 years. He never really reacts or listens to anything I say though, and he didn't say much when I told him. I don't know, he probably thought I was over-exaggerating or something . Like I said, he's an awful listener, so I don't talk to him about it or anything. (I know, that sounds like a sh1tty boyfriend- I'm working on getting the guts to dump him, but that's irrelevant.) The only place I can talk about it is on here, anonymously. It's a good place to vent, even if no one replies, it helps to get it out and into words, knowing that someone else might read it and be able to relate.
Well, I didn't intend for this comment to be so long (I always do that on this website ), but I'm done rambling now. I wish you the best of luck.

It's been almost a month since you posted this but I'm going through almost the same thing except I'm one year younger than you and female. I look and draw a lot of lolicon stuff with young girls like around 10 years old but I kind of imagine being the little girl with older guys being aroused by her. Your post reminded me that when I was 13 I really enjoyed sending naked pictures to guys online and went on cam for them too but I stopped that when I was 16 or so. Sometimes when I see a real little girl I start thinking about a man doing all the things I've read about to her and I feel sick.

I'm also really into getting incest and violence in there imagining I'm in a different family, since I'm an only child too, and getting raped by my father or older brother is the best to fantasize about. I like imagining them all bruised up and bleeding afterwards. I've never been too comfortable about telling any of this to my boyfriends either.

Only children have a strong Freudian bond with their parents because they get more attention from their parents than people with siblings so it would be natural for you to have incestuous fantasies involving parents. Our dreams and fantasies tend to incorporate familiar images in uncharacteristic
situations in order to sort out all the emotional sexual changes we go through in adolescence. There is nothing wrong with having strange fantasies about your parents. Your fear that expressing such fantasies would lead to you being labeled as a a closet violent pedophile rapist may be a superego reflection of your parents feeling uncomfortable discussing sexual issues with you because they don't want to give you some sort of impression that's what they are. There are rational reasons
involving serious physical health risks like recessive gene triggered hereditary diseases, juvenal
pregnancy complications, and STDs from being sexually active with multiple partners that explain why incest and unsafe sex acts with minors are illegal in all countries. The violence in your fantasies may be a sort of theatrical Hollywood Horror movie way for your subconscious to tell you that sort of behavior would have bad consequences to do more than fantasize about. We are not responsible for our fantasies. You don't get arrested for raping imaginary children any more than Hollywood producers get arrested for killing billions of imaginary people in imaginary nuclear wars.

I'm not into underage girls, but have a foot fetish, and even with that in real life I tell NO ONE.

If I was a pedophile, its something I don't believe I would ever disclose to anyone under any circumstances, its sort of like being a drug user but worst, too much stigma and irrational emotion focused at it, too damaging to reputation.

You sound relatively normal and okay as long as you are able to control your sexual urges and never act inappropriately towards minors etc, although the violence i don't personally understand.

In my sexual fantasies unlike most males, I am submissive to females, in the fantasies the women are in control and are sexually manipulating me/ taking the lead. So in real life (I have never had sex) I would wait for a woman to fully initiate the sexual experience and take control of the experience, meaning I am almost the opposite of a predator in potential because I don't have the psychological capacity to initiate sexual behavior with a woman, and I'd also like to state that I would only ever be interested in sex in the context of a health relationship. I couldn't have sex with someone I didn't feel very strongly about/ and I could never have sex with a stranger /prostitute/one night stand.

When i was younger very interested in sex, these days sure I occasionally fantasize (maybe once per week on average), but I am not really interested in sex, I more crave emotional affection and validation from women, my hormones aren't that high these days. I am very selective of what substances I take but I am more interested in drugs than sex by a long run. Not that I am against sex, but I see too many complications / strings attached / emotions attached, the cons out way the pros in my case. I suspect I will die a virgin, but sex is not what I measure my value with, but how much I am loved by people, and thankfully I am loved by a lot of people and I am reasonably happy in life. Would really love to see some beautiful women that I was involved with naked though, just to look. It would mean something to me if say an adult woman friend showed their body to me, strictly with no intention of actual sex, I think I would prefer to look at a naked woman that I have feelings for, than actually have sex.

As long as things like rape and violence stay fantasy there's no problem. And yes, pedophilia is simply being attracted to prepubescent children so it doesn't matter how old you are. Assuming not a prepubescent child yourself anyway.

i would never make some one feel shame over there sexual fetish, i do however think people must keep fantasy fantasy because when you cross into certain bahviors that can cause harm to someone else then theres a problem, if ur sexually attracted to young girls and can keep it in your head , then thats one thing, but once u get into illegal pornography or a sex acts your asking for trouble and your harming someone esle for your own gratification. Not judging just being real