Ex- HPD friends

Moved thread to Significant OthersI went NC with ex-friends who are HPD mixed with other things and when I run into them at various events, they love to flaunt their “perfect” life, boyfriend/husband, friends, etc. If I’m not dressed as nicely or my skin isn’t clear, they won’t say anything, but they just have this smirk on their face. I was the one who stopped hanging out with them, so I’m guessing they are mad about that- but why do they still act like this? After all of these years why do they still care? They didn't even seem to want to be my friend when we were friends, so why do they care so much now? I just don’t understand their need to prove that they are so much better off without me and why they put me down. I usually just nod and smile, but when I come home it makes me feel like crap. Why do they do this?

You don't want to be their friend, why do you give a damn about what they think?

My guess is they continue to mess with you because they can see that you are bothered by it (even though you pretend it doesn't). Just ignore them. They will get bored once they cease to get attention.

I don't understand why going NC bothers them- they're mad because of that and only that. I didn't steal anyone's boyfriend or anything else like that- I simply went NC and this is how they act. When we were friends, they treated me bad and they still are acting badly. No matter what do they act like this!

Leia wrote:I went NC with ex-friends who are HPD mixed with other things and when I run into them at various events, they love to flaunt their “perfect” life, boyfriend/husband, friends, etc. If I’m not dressed as nicely or my skin isn’t clear, they won’t say anything, but they just have this smirk on their face. I was the one who stopped hanging out with them, so I’m guessing they are mad about that- but why do they still act like this? After all of these years why do they still care? They didn't even seem to want to be my friend when we were friends, so why do they care so much now? I just don’t understand their need to prove that they are so much better off without me and why they put me down. I usually just nod and smile, but when I come home it makes me feel like crap. Why do they do this?

That's exactly what they want to do to you, even as messed up as it sounds, because for HPDs their whole mission in life is to "be the best" as it makes it easier to reap in admiration and feelings of power to fill in their deep-seated need for "love" which, at the point of adulthood is hugely positioned on the idea that they i need to be admired to feel valid; that's when they can proudly claim that they are better than you because this idea satisfies them. It's very selfish, emotionally immature, and just plain hurtful. Those HPDs are probably on their grandiose high about self. I wouldn't beat myself over the way they treated you so much. Think of it as a wake-up call on what truly matters in this world and thank life that you realize this, because when an HPD comes crashing down, they aren't able to cope with the feeling of inadequacy. It get so strung out of place where their impulsive choices provoked by the need to "cover up" those feelings become incredibly harmful to innocent people. Instead of thinking about the "lowliness" they must think of you, venture far away from them spiritually and take the toughest road of humility and compassion for those less fortunate (for the sake of yourself). Because next time you see them, their smirks won't irk you anymore. Just as they've felt pity for you, you can feel pity for them in a whole different light.

Leia wrote:I don't understand why going NC bothers them- they're mad because of that and only that. I didn't steal anyone's boyfriend or anything else like that- I simply went NC and this is how they act. When we were friends, they treated me bad and they still are acting badly. No matter what do they act like this!

Look at it as a breakup. You rejected their friendship (them), and in some way they have to show you that they aren't bothered by it. So they shove their new boyfriends in your face, and make a show of much better they are without you. It's pretty immature.

exquisitecorpse wrote:

Leia wrote:I don't understand why going NC bothers them- they're mad because of that and only that. I didn't steal anyone's boyfriend or anything else like that- I simply went NC and this is how they act. When we were friends, they treated me bad and they still are acting badly. No matter what do they act like this!

Look at it as a breakup. You rejected their friendship (them), and in some way they have to show you that they aren't bothered by it. So they shove their new boyfriends in your face, and make a show of much better they are without you. It's pretty immature.

I feel bad- I still wish them well, even if we aren't friends anymore. I just couldn't take the drama anymore and it never changed, never stopped. There's no learning curve with them. Some of them were like bullies and mean no matter what. Others became competitive over everything- even small and trivial matters.

I also remember when I ran into my friend, it had been a year since we had seen or talked to one another. When we last hung out, we ran into my boss who talked about possibly getting me more work and increasing my salary. So when I saw my friend, she asked, "So did you get that raise?" But she asked it in a really bitter way. Was she trying to remind me that it was the last time we talked/saw one another? I don't think she really cared either way if I got a raise, so what did she ask about it?

Leia wrote:I also remember when I ran into my friend, it had been a year since we had seen or talked to one another. When we last hung out, we ran into my boss who talked about possibly getting me more work and increasing my salary. So when I saw my friend, she asked, "So did you get that raise?" But she asked it in a really bitter way. Was she trying to remind me that it was the last time we talked/saw one another? I don't think she really cared either way if I got a raise, so what did she ask about it?

Unfortunately many are unhappy, and prefer likewise unhappy company. Others need the misfortune of others to feel good.
So keeping you down, exploiting you when you are down, or even bringing you down when you are happy, are the supply methods of people with various problems...if you feel drained and are getting nothing back, and you bring it to their attention, but they make no efforts on your behalf, well then you have your answer. Best to move on w/o them.

Thank you for your reply- I was just wondering because HPDs seem to go from supply to supply, so I don't see why it would matter if I had gone NC with her. (Wouldn't she just go find someone else to give her attention?) She had her bf there and seemed to enjoy thinking I was jealous because I'm single.
(I wasn't- I know he's just the "flavor of the month" and pretty soon he'll be gone, replaced with another.) I acted indifferent towards her and she was practically having a meltdown. She even sat on the other side of the room to get attention from other people. From a psychological perspective, it was quite fascinating. She was doing everything she could to keep calm, but you could see the smoke coming out of her ears.

Leia wrote:I went NC with ex-friends who are HPD mixed with other things and when I run into them at various events, they love to flaunt their “perfect” life, boyfriend/husband, friends, etc.

What does NC mean? Nut crunch?