This is my letter I wrote....

Moved to Sig Others Forum, which has been created specifically for nons since this thread was madefolks here is the letter I wrote her in October. But first I wanted to say afew things. It really IS amazing how I have NOT heard back from her after writing this in October. Especially after I mentioned how poorly my Mom was doing AND how I explained why I deleted her on FB...hurt from her..etc.
I thought for sure she would have commented on some aspect of my letter...but no !!! But Maybe...just maybe...the part where I tell her that "after 6 months I am OVER IT "...maybe THAT hurt her reading it..I dont know. I guess what DID hurt her was when I deleted HER from FB. I still cant beleive SHE BLOCKED ME from her FB page. Maybe I am wrong but soesnt mean that somehow she "cares"..in that if she truly did not give a shiite about me...then why would SHE care if I deleted her from FB back in MAY. From a psychological standpoint...Im thinking she MUST care to have turned around and blocked ME after I deleted HER. ( In order for her to see If i deleted her she had to have checked out my FB page ) Whew !!!!! I am know I am doing WAY too much analysing but I wanted you all to have the full story so you all can give me full feedback. So, again my thoughts for recontactring her is that maybe NOW after 6 months..(october when i wrote the letter till now) that "maybe" she has cooled off and that "maybe" she might "miss" me but yet her hurt and her pride keep her from contacting me.
I DO miss her and the fun we had...the way I made her laugh and the way she made me laugh et. Again , just so tempted to send her that text that says..." Hey "c"...It has been a while since we spoke...I would really like to share some things with you..."

Pleasae comment on my above thoughts and PLEASE read "my letter" to her carefully and you all tell me what you think...Thanks joliver...here is the lettter written in October...

"Hey C,
Trust me this letter gets better as it progresses. I owe it to you to explain what REALLY happened in April.

I saw in April where your parents were in path of the flood and I was concerned as your friend. You had told me in January that you wanted to be friends…and that you said…”It would make me so happy” and “We have so much fun together.” So I agreed and I took you at your word. What WAS confusing was not hearing from you after 4 months (Jan-April). I guess I'm a little dense and slow, but I thought you actually DID want to be friends. So when I did contact you in April, not once did you inquire as to what was going on in my life. And again this is after 4 months of silence.

What really hurt was this... At the time I contacted you in April, my Mom was deathly ill. I waited during our conversation for you to ask what was going on in my life…and you never did. That really hurt me deeply from someone who said they wanted to be friends. I had just left the nursing home when I contacted you and so wanted to share this with you. I was timid enough as it was contacting you again after 4 months of silence. But I did not tell you because I did not want to “use” mom to play on your sympathy. If you in fact never really and truly wanted to be friends, I just wish you had told me that way back in Jan. I could have handled it. But instead I was left confused and with a hurt heart. So I deleted you on FB. To me, your silence of 4 months plus your aloofness in April with no reciprocity was not very “friend like”. So when I deleted you…it was NOT out of anger…but out of a deep hurt. But again, maybe your silence and all was your subtle way of telling me you did not in fact really want to be friends. Again I guess I'm dense, but I would rather have heard the truth.

BUT, TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS….and after 6 months I am over it. I fully accept your decision in April of not wanting to be true friends. In fact, I most likely overstayed my welcome last year. So, what I am extending to you is the proverbial olive branch. I do NOT want to be your enemy. I WAS shocked when I saw that I was deleted blocked on FB, BUT you had every right to do that. I don't blame you one bit.

What I AM saying is that life is WAY too short to hold grudges. ..ESPECIALLY when I cared for you so much at one time. Heck you'll be 54 next month !!! You were 47 when I contacted 7 years ago. I missed keeping up with you and your family and what was also going on in the latest Andy Griffith show. Missed hearing how you would dangle from ladders and fall out of cars.

So I wanted to “manup” and contact you in spite of what I'm sure will be more silence from you…and if so I accept your position… Just wanted to be the one to offer peace between us.

I wish nothing but the best in life for you and your family. You are one sweet lady. Maybe I'll see you in 30 years in the nursing home.

Take Care, JB"

A few things.

1. Why do you expect her to care about your Mom? If she gives zero fricks about you, she probably gives zero fricks about your Mother as well. Your Mother is of no use to her, so why waste time caring about her health or wellbeing?

2. The blocking and deleting and blocking crap on Facebook is a childish game. I'm just guessing, but even as a "non" if someone made a point to let me know they deleted me from FB, I would block them as well. It's not because I "care" but because I would think they are a dickhead and just not give them the opportunity to contact me again and let me know what petty acts they had for me in the future.

3. You're very mixed message with her. The "I hate you, I love you" back and forth you obviously do in your letter is going to be very transparent to her. She knows the ball is in her court. She might contact you again, or not, but it won't be when you expect it, and it won't be if you keep writing her text/letters/messages.

I know it's difficult to not think about her for you, but it's also unhealthy to give her this much attention. Think about if you were on your death bed. Do you want to look back at your life and think "I spend and wasted so much time on someone who didn't care about me at all". Probably not.

joliver -

I didn't go through what you did. The woman I met has never stopped trying to keep in touch. I'm going to let you in on something that should not be a secret, but seemingly is, and is completely counter intuitive.

I'll try to be gentle though. You are still obsessing over her. Why?

I'll be blunt. Because she does not want you, so it hurts your ego, so you want her.

That really is the gist and fact of the matter.

As cold as it sounds (and I'll make it right, so please don't stop reading), it's because you want/need her so badly that she is not interested, and hasn't contacted you.

Yes I know it sounds like 'a game'. Trust me J, I use to do the same thing. Need so badly that women would just run off. It's a human nature thing. The thing is nobody really wants to or is capable of carrying someone else' emotional load. Yet it happens, we think if we pour love unto someone else they will appreciate it and respond, but the truth/reality is, we don't actually do that for them. We do it for us. Our need, the hole in our own self-esteem. I'm going to be gentle, kind, but J, you are confusing the hole in your own self-esteem with love, projected it unto her, she is like your drug. A way to escape your own pain/hurt.

Okay I promised to make it right. There is really nothing wrong with two people needing each other. It can/does happen, but there is a dance, steps you have to through, to prove to each other you are both independent too. People, we/us need that. To know that who we trust in needs us yes, but also can stand alone, be strong without us. As counter-intuitive as that is, it's my observation of how humans really work.

Emotionally you need her, as evidenced by so much you've written. But needing is not enough, and too much need results in others running. No contact does not leave people pinning for others, unless a bond has already been built, and lost, but I don't believe that mutual bond was ever built between you too.

J, you're a good guy, you were doing so well focusing on re-building your own self-esteem. She is not your solution to that. She never was. You're trying to find something in her that just doesn't exist. There will be other women, perhaps your wife, and if not her, someone else, but first and foremost, you need to heal yourself bro. Every time I read your posts I wince in (relatable) pain. What you need/want, is ironically just within your grasp, within you, yet you are still hoping to find it in another person. That's sad, yet so common... so many of us have done it. Looking for something outside ourselves that can be found within.

I wish you the best J. You were doing so well. Focus on healing you and the rest will fall into place.

Best wishes,

X

I went back and reread this letter I wrote to her VERY slowly ...and I have come to the conclusion.....WHY would or why do I want someone in my life who is so cruel that that cannot even acknowledge this letter I write them. Made me feel as if I did not even exist. I personally thought that it was a nice and kind letter that still left the door open for her. But after reading it again, now I am getting angry at myself for wanting someone so cruel back in my life. "F""""" her !!!! I deserve better than her.

not to be rude but this sounds a little whiny and needy to me, or like a cry for attention.

hope that doesn't get misinterpreted...

-Labor.

Joliver,

I said it before and I will say it again.

That letter you wrote was a complete and utter waste of time. IT would have achieved nothing in gaining any sort of response from her. You'd be lucky if she actually read the whole thing before she got bored and threw it in the rubbish.

joliver54 wrote:WHY would or why do I want someone in my life who is so cruel that that cannot even acknowledge this letter I write them.

A failure to respond to someone whose behavior is verging on stalking is not cruelty; its self-protection. You're expecting her to care about your family as though you're intimates, but you're not. You're projecting your own fantasies onto this woman that, based on your many, many posts, you don't even know in any meaningful way.

joliver54 wrote:Made me feel as if I did not even exist.

No one can "make" you feel anything joliver. No one has super-powers that allow them to reach into your head and rearrange your thoughts and feelings. Their words and actions can trigger reactions in you, and that's it. You own it from there. It is up to you to stop, and think about how you're feeling and reacting in the context of reality.

joliver54 wrote:I personally thought that it was a nice and kind letter that still left the door open for her.

So what?? You've done the exact same thing how many times now, after she has made her wishes indisputably clear: to leave her be.

This is harsh, and I meant it to be so, with the hopes that you'll hear this: stop focusing on this woman, go back to your therapist, and start focusing on your own histrionic tendencies.

The letter you wrote tended to be all over the place and I think the letter just reflects your own ambivalence. Your still in shock and are hurt. That problem resides in your self. I've made a life's work out of dealing with them which says as much about me as it does anything else. You can't fix her, only try to fix yourself.

Okay folks....been over 2 years now since I wrote her this letter....I am doing much much better. ... funny how I see things differently now that so much time has passed. However if anyone would like to read my letter I wrote her and give me some new feedback. ...I would love and welcome your viewpoint. ...look forward to hearing and reading some fresh perspectives....!!! Free

Freeatlast51 wrote:Okay folks....been over 2 years now since I wrote her this letter....I am doing much much better. ... funny how I see things differently now that so much time has passed. However if anyone would like to read my letter I wrote her and give me some new feedback. ...I would love and welcome your viewpoint. ...look forward to hearing and reading some fresh perspectives....!!! Free

If you are so much better (good for you) then what's the point in reharsal of this particular letter? Have you truly moved on or are you kidding yourself?