The New Woman: Your Replacement

he is sixty-three years old.. i thought if i hung in there and loved him and was patient he would settle down abit and stop cheating. do they get worst with age?? this seems to me this is his last hurrah. and yes you are right about him loving two woman after him. he just feels so great and important.

why did he take the risk of dumping me after twenty-seven years and going with her that he has know for about a year? what a risk to take. i really love him and offer so much more than she can. he does not care if he looses me.. i could never take that risk with someone i loved. what are your thoughts on this? what if it does not work with this loser? sorry to keep writing. but all this information helps me get through the day.
take care mimi

They get worse with age because people get more mature with age and take less crap, more people are on to him. Your were not because you were so invested in him. Take you money OUT of that bank and invest in another! The people around them are older so it make new supply harder to find. Your a good source because you truly care and that is something they can NEVER do, but they like to POSSES it in others....Like a prize, a thing to own...
You said it well, you could never take that risk, because you posses certain emotions he does not. Find someone who does, they ARE there and I don't care at what age....It EXISTS. You DO offer more that the other but why WASTE it on him????? He has hurt you over and over, and he KNOWS it but its all a test of how much suffering you can endure, YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!! Your allowed to have your hopes considered and be treated fairly. He does NOT treat your fairly, he is an evil sadist.....And he is getting his cookies off know he has this fake harem of women after his tired ass....Please love yourself more than you THINK you love that loser...

Let me add, his behavior in your 20's might sort of pass, we are not that experienced and mature at that age, this behavior in your 60's is TOTALY unacceptable. It is CLEARLY as sign that this person can not grow, and has not grown for decades....

i just have to say thank you so much for your throughts and opinions. you are so dead on accurate of this situation i just can not believe it. yes, this behavior at his age is pitiful and embarrasing. for so long i was embarrased and ashamed of myself for it. why me. but i really did not do anything to provoke this. the more he engages in this behavior and talks so stupidly about her to his friends the more he looks like a complete fool. but he thinks he has accomplished something so wonderful.

thank you again. you truly are helping people. what a wonderful thing. take care mimi

your welcome MiMi,
Let me put a thought into your head.... I am a total stranger to you and I just treated you better and with more kindness than your partner of over 20 years. This should tell you something. Your are FAR more valuable than this man deserves. He is not worthy to clean your shoes... Do your research on what he is (narcissists), it will OPEN your eyes. there is a ton of information at your disposal, please look it up, your deserve to know. Let us know how your doing, OK?

Hi Again:
One last thought popped into my head while i work. he keep saying if i never took on this little part-time job that i accepted none of this would of ever happened. the job was once a week and a few hours on the weekend (which in fact he was never home and did not even no my schedule or how long the job lasted for). But he kept telling me to quit it because he did not want me to have it. Didn't like the fact i was making extra money. This in turn made him start up with this ow who he claims he was just helping and now he is with...

Let me also say she was a person he was bringing in to clean his kitchen floor (he owns an old house in another town). How low he starts fooling around with the cleaning person.

He has made me believe if i didnt take this job this would of never happened. How i wish i never took the job in the first place. I was just trying to get into this company full-time and thought this was a good way to start. That's why i took it. It was not for the money.
What are you throughts on me taking this job? Do you think this would of happened anyways? Mimi
He is also retired and she does not work a real job. And i work a day job like the rest of the world.

Please what are your thoughts on this? Thank you again and have a good day.

You having that job exposes you to the outside world and the chance that you will find other people to talk to. Runs a strong chance that you will figure out your life with him is a fraud, because HE is a fraud. It also is a boost to YOUR self esteem, someone is willing to pay you for your skills, not matter what the job is, you have value. He sees no value in you, he treats you like a doormat and a punching bag. I would see if you could work MORE in order to support YOURSLEF without having to deal with his retched behavior. How do you pay for your expenses?

As far as the other woman, she is not your enemy, she is "in his web" now, He has a fresh start to fabricate a better person to pretend to be....

His blaming your job for his CRAP is total mind games. Its another insane way to make you feel bad about yourself and for him to forever chain you to him, even if it is the wounded suffering lady in waiting, DON"T be this for him he is a piece of human garbage and you are something he can NEVER be. The BEST thing to happen to you is to go out in the world, make friends and increase your chances to know better people. He is a sub zero on a scale from one to ten on decent humans....

Why does he do this? Its just been horrible. Do you really think they fall in love with the new supply?? And stay with them.. Please can you address this issue. It bothers me because i still love him very much.. even though he cares less for me... Please address if you really believe they love the ow.

You must understand that people with NPD CANNOT love anyone. They are incapable of love. True love is selfless and kind; NPDs are incapable of acting selflessly and are not kind. The most they can do is become infatuated with someone (over-value them) because in that instant the infatuation object is reflecting back infatuation and providing good supply. This never lasts. There will be a devaluation when she - for example - criticises him about something or expresses her own needs.

Do they ever come back to the old supply?? What are your thoughts on this..

Usually, yes - but only if supply dries up and not to "get back together with permanently". Google "hoovering" + NPD.

I keep hoping he will see my self worth and that i am the good person.

Sorry if this is harsh - but why would he value you when you obviously don't value yourself? (I'm in exactly the same position btw so know whereof I speak - if I had high self esteem, I wouldn't speak to "my" N at all).

Separately (forget about NPD for a minute), why should he or anyone care whether you are "a good person"? It's not why people get into and stay in relationships. It's much more complicated than that - to do with sexual attraction, personality compatibility and a myriad of other inter-personal matters. Being "the good person" is irrelevant.

Please can you address the ow relationships and how long they can last?? And do they stay with them. Or is this just a short lived fling?? Please can you advice.. I truly appreciate it. The more info i have it really helps me.

How can anyone here answer that? Humans are all individuals. Even people with NPD are different and will have different focusses for their grandiosity. For one, money may be essential. For another, it may be about looks or social status. No one here can know as we don't know his motivations or what this new woman is providing.

As you have shown, relationships with an NPD can last 20 years or a lifetime, if theywant it to. It's all about what they want. Ultimately, they devalue everyone but that's not the same as whether they choose to stay in a relationship.

So it is possible that he will stay with her if she is providing things that he wants and wants medium to long term. Equally, it's possible it's just a fling and he'll move on to another target.

But all you need to know is that he does not care about you and you need to move on with your life.

Hi again:
The reason i said i wanted him to see i was a good person if because that's all he keeps saying about her. She's a good person you would of liked her if you met her first. She is so kind and good.. so thats' why i said that comment. I have been putting up with this for a year now on her and how this and that about her. One thing i know is he infactuated with her and know one can stop it. It will only stop when he wants it to. I finally reached this position after fighting, begging and crying with him for almost a year; pleading for him to stay with me. I do know that approach does not work with an N.

Thank you again
Sincerely, Mimi

pollier wrote:Hi again:
The reason i said i wanted him to see i was a good person if because that's all he keeps saying about her. She's a good person you would of liked her if you met her first. She is so kind and good.. so thats' why i said that comment. I have been putting up with this for a year now on her and how this and that about her. One thing i know is he infactuated with her and know one can stop it. It will only stop when he wants it to. I finally reached this position after fighting, begging and crying with him for almost a year; pleading for him to stay with me. I do know that approach does not work with an N.

Thank you again
Sincerely, Mimi

but it does work....the best technique is to just vanish in the midst of al that. he'll wonder where the hell you went...