Support for Non-Histrionic Personality Disorder

DaisyChain18 wrote:Just watching the workmen. There was only two there. She didn't leave all day. Not even to eat. She just sat with them, eventually she even repositioned herself to be in the flat bed of one of the mens trucks. It was very strange. And led me to think of something interesting… If this was the other way around and two women were working…and a man sat watching and 'leering' at them all day…. wouldn't that be sexual harassment? Surely its the same the other way round. Clearly the men felt uncomfortable. I know they think she is very strange. I was mainly embarrassed for her.

I honestly believe they do things like this intentionally to make people feel uncomfortable. It's a game to them. My ex did all kinds of annoying things normal people don't do in public. Shaking her breasts, grabbing them, grabbing other women's breasts, tweaking her nipples through her clothes, spanking herself, laughing as loudly as possible, breathing/sighing in suggestive ways to garner attention.... Used to annoy the piss out of me.

Now? ###$ that noise. I want someone normal who doesn't play with hearts like they are cards she can flip whenever she wants. I've read some excellent posts on this site which have been extremely helpful to me. So much so that I added them to my signature. Maybe you will find them helpful as well.

This forum is really helping me understand what is going on!
Thanks for your input people!
'Wtf' I read the links that you have attached to your signature, and I found them really interesting! The one with the guy who wrote about what a HPD is thinking, blew my mind lol.

Especially the jealous part, where HPDS think that because their partner does not get jealous it means they are unworthy. I read this article just after this story she had just told me:

She was in the grocery store, and this tall beautiful woman was in the line up in front of her, she turned to my boss and exclaimed 'This may seem forward of me but I must tell you, You are SO pretty!.' to which she responded 'oh thank you…' the woman then seemed embarrassed and apologized to which my boss said she didn't need to apologize at all! The woman then comically bonked herself on the head and said 'I am so unfiltered!' and rushed away with her shopping bags.

Did this happen? Who knows… BUT when she told me about this story she was delighted that somebody had complimented her but she was EVEN MORE delighted that her husband had reacted to the story with jealousy! She told me in her little girl voice (that she does all the time) 'My husband was JEALOUS! He got quite mad and said that she was hitting on me!' Now…I also don't know if that was his true reaction (do hpds ever actually tell the truth?)

For the past two days she has been on a downer. Yesterday she hardly spoke two words to me, she spent her entire day on her computer writing a letter…. This seems to be her new way of 'shaking things up' and causing drama that is not needed. I don't know who the letter was to, but she would edit it, and print it, edit and print…etc… so she had an intention to send it. It was very long, and I have this horrible gut feeling that this is the letter she will be sending to the man she has feelings for. Whoever that may be. I do believe I know who it is, she's making it quite obvious now. She bought him a small gift something he needed last week… she told me 3 times about the gift she had bought him, She was so proud of herself! Like a little girl with a crush. I don't think it went unnoticed by her husband. When she saw a truck pull in that she thought was his (but it wasn't) she leapt to her feet like her dogs do when they bark at people… 'Is he here?!' and then seemed sad that it wasn't the right person.

Its so bizarre and FASCINATING to watch somebody constantly crave attention, to the point where they are ok with sabotaging their own lives just to stir things up! I've been taking a very 'Hey its your life do what you want, not my problem' attitude, and I think its very upsetting to her. I've just been 'carrying on' not letting her life inflict on mine, and so far it has made me very happy. But not her. She behaves like a sulky teenager and so I treat her like one, I ignore her.

DaisyChain18 wrote:Its so bizarre and FASCINATING to watch...

Agreed. From a safe distance. Kinda like watching a nuclear bomb go off.

DaisyChain18 wrote:(do hpds ever actually tell the truth?)

IMO HPD's are lying to themselves for the most part. They live in their own dream worlds (alternate realities). Outsiders see the inconsistencies and think they're being lied to. However the HPD often believes the "lies".

Well things have taken a very different turn.
I'm not sure whether I mentioned before, but as part of my job I am given use of a car. Well I have had the same little car for 5 years now. (i've worked here a long time!) And have treated it very well, taken it to get its service, never been in an accident, and part of the deal was that if my bosses daughter needed to go somewhere and they could not take her, then i would drive her. Which actually ended up with me picking their daughter up from school ever day for 3 years. You must remember my boss does not work…she isn't even really a boss to me…she naps all day and plays on her computer. Well I knew when this car was purchased that it would indeed end up as my bosses daughters first car. Well that has come. I had decided that when this happened I would purchase my own car (I have been paying insurance on the work car but thats it). When I bought it up with my boss she was very unwilling to have me not giving them money for insurance anymore… and she spoke of wanting her daughter to learn to share and that indeed her daughter couldn't just drive it when she wanted to and that she would have to ask me. I am so naive and stupid. I slowed down my search on looking for car…well the girl got her licence on wednesday..and i haven't seen my car since. Don't get me wrong I know I was lucky to have the use of the car and I do believe that the child is very irresponsible and that she sort of needs to get a few speeding tickets and stuff to get some consequences as the parents just let her do whatever she wants.

Well my bosses reaction to this has been VERY interesting. Firstly she exclaimed that she was so happy her daughter had her licence because she would never have to drive her anywhere again! Then when I pointed out 'friends' were suddenly showing up who she had never even spoken about (she is a very unliked little girl…she's never had friends before the car arrived) my boss said, 'I don't care if they are using her for the car, she's popular!'

The very strange thing that has happened here is the way she now treats me. She doesn't need me anymore… I had always wondered why she has no friends…and this is why….when she has no use for you…she just ignores you. We work and live on the same property…she has started to be more and more distant from me. She doesn't speak to me. It's like she has washed her hands of her responsibility to her kid and to me.

NOW I am so confused in my feelings. On the One hand…i feel used…i feel down…i feel neglected…ignored… That i don't matter, that i never did matter. I feel like my career here is a lie and a sham and everybody is laughing at me. I feel like she has held me back from being independent…from having a life…and now she has no use for me she doesn't care. But on the other hand… I FEEL FREEEEEEE! I hate talking to her, her only conversations can only be about herself…. I don't have to hear that baby voice, that random singing…the excuses for never doing anything. I feel like….you don't need me lady? Well I don't need YOU! I am happier without her….and its only been 2 days of her not speaking that much to me. I feel like…I can quit….I can just leave…and she won't care..because she doesn't need me…

I haven't been over for lunch yet…I am about to go…. We will see what happens! Will keep you updated!

DaisyChain18 wrote:The very strange thing that has happened here is the way she now treats me. She doesn't need me anymore… I had always wondered why she has no friends…and this is why….when she has no use for you…she just ignores you.

Yup, stock standard Cluster B behavior right out of the books, internet articles, posts here etc. They all seem to run off the same script. Uncanny.

DaisyChain18 wrote:On the One hand…i feel used…i feel down…i feel neglected…ignored…

Um, because you are/were

DaisyChain18 wrote:I FEEL FREEEEEEE!

Feels good doesn't it?

DaisyChain18 wrote:I feel like…I can quit….I can just leave…and she won't care..because she doesn't need me…

As Arnold says "Hasta La Visa baby!".

I know that she has never enjoyed being a parent. She has made that very clear to the world, including her daughter. That she is an inconvenience. So her daughter now not needing to be driven everywhere (we live in the countryside) has freed up her life a little bit. But what I think is happening is that instead of her feeling free to focus on her business…her life…etc. Things that she has been able to avoid. She now feels even more trapped. For instance. Before this sudden change…she would let me know that she was going somewhere and wouldn't be around. Now she just disappears…almost takes off to hide… because now without her daughter as an excuse…she is forced to focus on working…running a business… and that is definitely not what she wants to do!

Her daughter getting her licence has had the opposite effect on me. I am more motherly to the daughter than her actual mother. I feel a little sad. I feel like she doesn't need me anymore… I felt like even though it shouldn't have been and I was taken advantage of…that a part of my job was driving that kid places…and i've lost a part of my job! And even though it's a part of my job i didn't enjoy…i like the child…but didn't enjoy driving her around while her mother napped (Especially in my own time). It feels like I am now not needed. I feel a little bit like Mary Poppins. That my job is done.

This morning, I did my chores for my job and then went for our morning coffee…to see she had already taken off…without a word. I'm having lunch now…she hasn't been in touch or come back. I'm independent enough to do my job, and i actually don't need her…she's a bit of a hinderance to a busy day of work. But I feel like…she's my boss…and in other jobs I have worked at…if my boss isn't there or around….or isn't going to be around…they would let the staff know.

I have always felt quite lonely at my job, and now even more. I feel a bit like….and this might be silly…but i feel like she always wants to ditch work and because I mostly say no to ditching and tell her i want to do some other chores instead of going out for lunch with her…well that she's sort of ditched me like i'm too much of a goody two shoes…except i work for her!?!?

I'm very emotionally unsettled and I think that I should be honest with her about how i feel. But I am afraid that with her HPD she manages to turn everything into being about her…and that all she will do is turn the conversation into her feelings…and how she feels…which she does a lot. I can honestly say that many times I have told her I feel and her words back are 'Well what about me? How do u think i feel??' . I also don't want her to think I am asking for more interaction from her…as I am happy to be not around her as much. But I do feel like I have no purpose to my job. I'm very torn…As I said before..I'm sort of free… I love days when she is not around… But then when I look at the other side of it…I feel like…this isn't fair…she is off driving her fancy sports car, doing whatever she wants…and i'm just left here again….i had hoped that when her daughter found more freedom and she had more freedom…she would focus more on the business…but she hasn't…she's now even less interested than before!

For now I will keep my head down and just get on with my job, I will just watch how this all pans out.. I chose to have lunch at home today… i rarely do that… But if I want to stop my world from revolving around her..and she is starting to distance from me…then I should really do the same.

DaisyChain18 wrote:I know that she has never enjoyed being a parent. She has made that very clear to the world, including her daughter.

Daisy,

Early on, the woman I know said that she'd had 5 boys because she'd never used birth control. This was in front of a group of people and was a TMI moment...

She told me privately, many months later, that all her children were "mistakes". I've no idea if she's told them that but I wouldn't be surprised.

I've always said that some people shouldn't have pets let alone children. That was before I knew about Cluster B's...

DaisyChain18 wrote:i had hoped that when her daughter found more freedom and she had more freedom…she would focus more on the business…but she hasn't…she's now even less interested than before!

It's always about "Mimi Furst" with HPD's. Always has been and always will.

Hopefully her daughter has figured that out and can live her own life.

She has completely let the reins go as far as parenting is concerned. The daughter left the home last night (16 new driver, ice all over the roads) at around 7pm…(monday night, school night) and returned home somewhere between 11-12. There is no rules, no boundaries. She does as she pleases. And this suits my boss very well.

The funny thing is….my bosses daughter is adopted, Which i believe can still be a 'mistake'. People who were around when they adopted her talk about how it was like she was getting a rescue puppy. When the puppy arrived…she got bored with it after a few weeks. But she enjoyed the attention of what good people they are, wasn't she just a wonderful person adopting a baby from a bad situation! The child was put into daycare as early as they could. When i first worked here, the little girl was totally ignored she refused to wear girls clothes, she sat lonely watching tv all night. She would come over to my house to get some attention.

The daughter is in therapy and I think it is helping her a lot. The therapist has met my boss on a few occasions and i don't think it has been lost on her that my boss has some issues. The last time the therapist requested a meeting with her parents, my boss wrote and said she was very sorry she hadn't been able to meet with her, but she had been far too busy with the new building that is being built. Really?! You can't take a couple of hours out of your day to talk about and support your daughter? Come on. When the therapist tried to talk them out of sending the child to Africa… (The child was given a choice of a summer job or to send her away. The mother made the daughters resume…it was a poor effort and made her sound like she was 10. The child applied but obviously was never going to be accepted… and so she had to choose India or Africa, for volunteer work) Both parents became very upset and defensive, telling the therapist they did not need to defend themselves!!

From early on my boss has never been responsible for her child. The child was caught with drugs in her school bag this year… there was simply no punishment. Well…they took her phone away. I had suggested the HUGE allowance they give her might be a better thing to take away….so she couldn't just go buy more…but what do i know?! I have thought about it a lot, and I simply cannot 'carry' this woman anymore. I have to live my own life. I'm tired of trying to advise her on what she should do. I'm tired of worrying about her daughter. She's not my daughter. They are not my family. Which is something I must remind myself EVERYDAY.

DaisyChain18 wrote:...she sat lonely watching tv all night.

Daisy,

I had to pause reading at that point. I got very angry, and sad, perhaps because of my own childhood experiences.
{ I don't think either of my parents had a PD.]

Everyone posting here is an adult. For the most part we can deal with stuff. Children can't. I am extremely intolerant of child abusers and abuse.

DaisyChain18 wrote:I have thought about it a lot, and I simply cannot 'carry' this woman anymore.

I think everyone that deals with a Cluster B reaches the end of their rope at some point (or they die first). At a certain point you just have to "let go".

PS: I'm fine. My anger/sadness didn't last long although the woman I know drove past my place not long after which didn't improve my mood. But it's all good now