Support for Non-Histrionic Personality Disorder

I see, I think you're still under her spell.
You're trying to hang out to see if she changed, isn't it?

To make things even more interesting—I am engaged to a different girl—someone well adjusted, with a good upbringing, strong parental affection, no history of cheating.
It’s amazing that in 2 years with my current fiancé—her behavior has been so stable and predictable. I mean—the s** life has not been as off the wall intense—but the compassion is there.
It’s so hard to go from that “feeling high on life/love/intimacy” to a more “normal” relationship where people don’t really experience those rollercoasters…
God as my witness, I will try to change the HPD, and she doesn’t change—her life is probally going on a downhill to hell—no career, STD, depression/suicide, etc.

We shall see!

New poster. I am here in attempts to come to some type of closure, or at least try to begin a healing process for myself. My mother has, by my assessment, histrionic personality disorder along with Bipolar and drug addiction. It's exhausting to think about telling the story about her and the pain she has caused me and my sisters. So I won't go into the details of the things she has done, not yet. She has exhausted my patience for dramatics. I have two sisters. I am the oldest of the three. My middle sister is the one who has been sucked in the longest. Recently she moved away from my mother, surprisingly. But the plan if for my mom to come and live with her within a year. Slowly, my sister is starting to see things as they are, and is beginning to think that maybe the move would not be such a good idea. However, each time I feel like she is talking to my mom a lot more I feel betrayed again and I am not sure why.I'm frustrated and the thought of thinking about how to put this all into words makes me want to shut down completely. I'm angry that I am angry with her. Because when I sit down and think about who my mother is, I know in my heart that she is sick. She is so sick that for whatever reason she will never be well and she will never take responsibility for who she is or what pain she has given to my sisters or myself. Anyway, I am not really sure what I can get from being here, but here I am.

Hi Vernie,

You sound like a really caring older brother. Your sister is lucky to have you. You need to take care of yourself first foremost. Easier said than done, I know. Let your sister come to terms with your mother on her own time. It really needs to be her own epiphany. All you can do is be there for her along the way. If she asks you a question about your mom like say, "Do you think mom plays up the drama for attention?" Answer her in an honest and straight way. Don't try to convince her or sell her your opinion. Just be straight up. And tell her you love her and are there for her if she wants to talk or needs a hug. Or whatever.

Then go about taking care of yourself.

Peace.

New to this forum and need some advice. My son was married and now divorced from someone with Histrionic Personality Disorder. He never stopped loving her and now after 2 years apart has convinced her to try and be a couple again. She has not changed and is seeking acceptance from me and his siblings but she hurt him deeply and left him a week before Christmas with no remorse or compassion. She blamed him for things that were untrue and told many lies to people about him. She blamed him for the breakup and takes no responsibility for any issues they may have had but now she wants everyone to accept that he has changed and she is going to give it another try. My son wants me to respond to her that I am happy they are getting back together but I think that acknowledgement will just fuel her disorder and convince her that he was in the reason for the breakup and she did nothing wrong. My concern is that no one is helping her if we just go along with her views on what she believes is the problem. I want my son's happiness but do not know how to deal with her personility. I wish she would seek help for her condition, I suspect she does not even realize her behavior and she does not believe she is at fault in any way so my concern is their relationship will fall apart again. Any advice on what my part in this should be as my son wants my acceptance that they get back together and I am not sure I want to see him go through the pain she put him through before. Any advice is welcome.

Hi, I have been married for 15 years, my wife was diagnosed with BPD by several Doctlrs and Psychologist over the course of our marriage but I am really starting to question if she maybe more HPD. Our marriage has been traumatic to say the least. We have an 11 year old daughter who I have done my best to shield from all the drama. A few years ago I put my foot down and finally gained some control but the not all of the emotional blackmail has completly ended. As she has gotten older she has become deeply depressed over her declining physical appearance to the point of obsession and bitterness. We cannot even watch a move if it even shows 2 seconds of female nudity.She has also holds a great deal of animosity towards any other woman that is attractive, especially ones that flaunt it. I think this is just jealousy but the real issue I am having is feeling like her her feelings towards me are an illusion and the more I read about HPD I feel like I gained nothing and I am just wasting my time because this will never be a real relationship.

Hi Amon

Sorry for what you are going through.
It is said that BPD and HPD are very close...I have always thought that HPD have a similar psychological substrate as BPD, just not as severe, and also that HPDs are often very attractive, physically speaking. But there are many variations, some HPDs aren't that attractive and they fake illness for attention, etc.
I would go and seek counseling and professional opinions if possible. With the proper approach your wife could be ready to become self-aware and enter into recovery.

Orion

I've been feeling like the poster "ImAfool " above (and feeling like a fool to boot)
Thanks for the posts on transcending and forgiving. They are helpful.

Are there other resources you can recommend for moving past a ltr (5yrs) with an HPD (with anxiety and some other stuff thrown in). I didn't know until just recently who n what I was really dealing/living with.

One of the hardest things to move past is the realization that she is/was conscious of how damaging and painful her actions were to me, and while speaking that she loved me, could abuse, manipulate, and inflict pain without remorse to achieve her needs. When I finally learned and realized she is conscious of her actions and their impact, I was stunned and shocked. It's hard to move past the callousness, sense of being a fool, and the realization of the power I gave her over me.
And damn this over-arching ominous pain that just hangs around ....

here's a question. How the heck does one discuss a past relationship with an HPD?
I mean telling a prospective new partner that the reason your last relationship failed was because they had a disorder is sort of a classic trait of non accountable behavior, and also reflects on you for being with them.
I did a lot of learning and growth during the relationship (although extremely painful) and I am grateful for that, but in conclusion I don't know how to discuss it without going into all the HPD stuff. It's so central to what happened and why it's over.

orion8591 wrote:
Dating or associating with a histrionic is like playing Russian Roulette, except she won't let you die.
They are true emotional vampires and they enjoy hurting men...

I don't know if they enjoy hurting men, but they certainly don't mind doing it if it results in getting their fix.
They are emotional vampires that will suck the life out of you. They need it to substitute for their own shortcomings and they need injections regularly.
Think a person seriously bleeding person with an IV hooked into you to replace what their losing and you'll get the idea.
Don't even think you're going to get some back, that's just the teaser they use to keep you from pulling out the IV.