Non-Narcissistic Support thread.....

If you want to know if your a narcissist ask yourself; do I love my child unconditionally do what is best for him, not whats best for me?
You have had a very troubled life, a life like that is bound to cause you emotional problems but It doesn't mean you are narcissistic.

Hello, my name is Betty. I'm 62 and have been in 3 relationships since my late husband died 11 years ago. All three men, have had narcisstic personality traits, but I am not a doctor, just a victem. I was diagnosed in 1990 with bipolar 1 disorder. I take Lithium and Zoloft. My family and friend life is normal. The first relationship lasted 5 years, with physical and emotional abuse from the partner. I kept thinking he would change, but it never happened. Five years later, I started a relationship with a man, who in the beginning was caring and seemed like a normal man. But, I found out into the relationship, that he used prescription drugs, oxicotin and xanax excessively. He wanted me to help him get off the drugs, I tried, but the mind games, lies and drama was more than I could take. So, I broke up with him. A year later, three months ago, I met a man on a dating site. He was 100% Vietnam disabled veteran. He came on very strong, wanted me to move in with him and marry him too. I told him I was not ready for moving in or getting married. I have my own home. He had a problem of telling so many stories about his life. I listened in awe, thinking how think man could tell a story about a subject, in such detail and not stop talking for an hour. He never wanted to talk about me and our relationship. I had not had sex with a man in two years, but he kept after me, until I gave in to his and my desires. He was so rough and the sex act went on for over an hour. I tried to make him stop, but he wouldn't. He would also disappear for a day or two and lied about his whereabouts. I confronted him a week ago, about why he lied and made up such vivid stories about his life adventures. I suppose I raised my voice while talking. The next day, he called me and said he didn't want anything to do with me. He said, he had never been talked to in the way I spoke to him that night. He said, I was mean spirited and could be dangerous. His opinion of me has made me very depressed. Next Tuesday, I will start therapy about this matter and why I choose narcisstic men. Any reply would be appreciated. I am so down this evening. If anyone on this forum has been with narcisstic men, please reply with how to move on after being blasted by and ex partner. Thank you.

I was just at walmart and I was exchanging something and instead of going directly to the desk I went to get the item to exchange it with. Some lady freaked out and as I was coming back to the service desk she was yelling at me about how I had just pushed everyone out of my way and harmed an old man or something. I thought she was the manager of the store literally so I got way nervous. There were like 4 walmart employees around her so I was like thinking they thought I was shoplifting. Anyway we get to the front and the employees are like "she doesn't work here...". The bitch made me walk all the way with her to the front. It was just odd.... Maybe its a coincidence. I am assuming since my ex-girlfriend pulled $#%^ that it might open the predators up to me somehow or something.

Oh yea and some guy blamed me for throwing fireworks around a month ago that scared his dogs. He wanted to come up and fight me in my apartment hallway because I scared his dogs even though I didn't throw fireworks. My neighbor was right there and was like ...he didn't throw anything.

I hope narcissists aren't out to get me, hopefully this is all coincidence. Anyone else have this happen after the initial narcissist gets in your life?

Either that or you see them everywhere now.

Hi, Betty! Maybe while you were growing up, someone made you feel the way that abusive men make you feel so you are drawn to them because you're trying to "fix" that relationship and overcome helplessness or feeling unloved. Do you think that's possible?
You will hopefully deal with it in therapy and become a stronger person.
Your ex probably insulted you because you stood up to him, it just means you hit a nerve.

Betty, I have been in relationships with narcissistic men my parents were narcs i suppose I learnt 'to be a victim' early on.
I have raised my self esteem and at the moment do not want a relationship.
Do you want to find a new man?

Greatexpectations wrote:Betty, I have been in relationships with narcissistic men my parents were narcs i suppose I learnt 'to be a victim' early on.
I have raised my self esteem and at the moment do not want a relationship.
Do you want to find a new man?

Thank you for a reply to my situation. I've never thought of my parents being narcissitic, but with the abuse both physical and mental as a teenager, maybe there were...my father died 6 years ago, my mother is still living, but remains in denial of any wrongdoing. I'm starting to believe that finding a new man, to share my life, may not be possible. As soon as I recover from an abusive relationship, somehow I just find another one. I'm 62 and really getting tired of being with men who may be narcissistic. My late husband, who died 11 years ago, was my best friend and protector. I had no idea, after 29 years of marriage, what was out there. I married a year after my husband died, spent 5 years trying to fix that abusive relationship. After 4 years of divorce, met a man and he turned out to be a prescription drug addict and pathological liar. I stopped that relationship and 3 monts ago, ended up with a man who completely dominated any conversatioin...I am trying to end that relationship. Thanks again for your comments.

I think once you have a narc in your life......you notice it in other people alot more.

I was at the movie store the other day and this girl kept talking about how much she looks like some actress on the cover of a movie. She would not stop talking about how pretty she was and blah blah blah. I've never seen her in my life.....who does that?! She was pretty but really not all THAT pretty. Jeeze......I literally avoided eye contact and ignored her, hoping she would shutup.

.......she muttered "bitch" under her breath when I didn't respond to her and walked away.

I just had to laugh. Poor girl is out there making some guy miserable......good thing you got away from your narc x gf!

My late husband, who died 11 years ago, was my best friend and protector. I had no idea, after 29 years of marriage, what was out there.

I can understand that you would like to recreate your first marriage, you were lucky to have found someone like that. To find another as special as that will not be easy.
If you do want another partner proceed with caution and take things slowly.

You seem to feel lonely without a partner, have you got any hobbies, belong to any clubs, have any pets to keep you company.
Are you close to any family?

Greatexpectations wrote:

My late husband, who died 11 years ago, was my best friend and protector. I had no idea, after 29 years of marriage, what was out there.

I can understand that you would like to recreate your first marriage, you were lucky to have found someone like that. To find another as special as that will not be easy.
If you do want another partner proceed with caution and take things slowly.

You seem to feel lonely without a partner, have you got any hobbies, belong to any clubs, have any pets to keep you company.
Are you close to any family?

Actually, I've been alone more than with a partner the past 5 years. I attend church and spend a lot of time with my children/family. I am watching my daughters cat, until she buys a home. The car is a lot of company. I have no hobbies, but do enjoy traveling in the U.S. I'm trying to end a relationship with a man I met 3 months ago. He is interesting to talk to, but talks all the time. I'm trying to end the relationship without conflict or hurtful feelings. Thanks for your message.