Non-Narcissistic Support thread.....

A little background about me: my personality definitely get's rubbed the wrong way by narcissists. For as long as I can remember, even as a kid in school, I will not have anything to do with them. Maybe it's my heightened internal BS detector. I don't have any issues keeping them out of my life...except I have come to realize my stepchild is a Narc. Not so easy to keep him out of my life.
I realize that NPD isn't generally assigned to children, but he has not changed in the time I have known him (12-16 y/o).

So, while in my gut I don't want to do anything with such a narcissistic person, as his parent, I do want him to be a successful person in life (bonus: the more successful he his, the sooner he will leave..he will be 18 the end of next year). My general strategy is to nip any drama/problems in the bud, and try to keep his episodes upsetting the family flow to a minimum.
I am not a controlling person by nature, and would like to give my children as much freedom as possible, but I find I cannot do so with him, as he will always abuse privileges and make poor choices, 100% of the time. I have 0 trust in him...

So the thing is, he really should be learning how to drive...but I am having a real difficult time even envisioning him driving a car...especially mine...due to trust issues.

SO parents, how do you deal with these issues?

Referring to a child as a "narcissist" is reckless, irresponsible, and harmful. Children are inherently narcissistic. Brushing him off as "a narcissist" and treating him as though he were a fully autonomous adult with a personality disorder rather than the difficult child he more likely is has probably already damaged your relationship with him.

You don't have a built in narcissist detector. You are not surrounded by narcissists. And you certainly do not suggest that a 12-18 year old child has a mental disorder that is typically not diagnosed before age 25 due to the age appropriateness of many of its features and behaviors in children, teens, and young adults.

You have a difficult step-child who undoubtedly knows that you don't like him. I'm pretty sure you aren't in a position to "handle" this because you're already off on the wrong foot.

Bluingreen wrote:I realize that NPD isn't generally assigned to children, but he has not changed in the time I have known him (12-16 y/o).

So, while in my gut I don't want to do anything with such a narcissistic person, as his parent, I do want him to be a successful person in life (bonus: the more successful he his, the sooner he will leave..he will be 18 the end of next year). My general strategy is to nip any drama/problems in the bud, and try to keep his episodes upsetting the family flow to a minimum.
I am not a controlling person by nature, and would like to give my children as much freedom as possible, but I find I cannot do so with him, as he will always abuse privileges and make poor choices, 100% of the time. I have 0 trust in him...

Yes, nobody would diagnose someone in the 12-16 year age range as NPD.

Sadly, some kids are deeply affected when their parents split up, or even if that's not the reason, when a step parent enters the picture. For anyone that has been in that position, they can understand why it's a traumatic experience. A few things to keep in mind -

1.) Most kids do pick up on when they are disliked, and can feed drama and bad choices (aka, why bother, I am not liked anyway; and many other conflicted emotions in a step parent situation; etc.)

2.) Sadly also, "I don't like you, except for for what you accomplish (i.e., be successful, I'll like you for that, but otherwise you are a bother)" is also picked up on by kids, and I believe a key factor in the formation of some/many who have NPD.

Of course there is no value in faking emotions, but have you spoken with his biological parent regarding your feelings toward the son?

@Bluingreen

I get where you're coming from (I'm a non, who's had many narcs throughout my life) but without telling what the specific things the step son is doing it's hard to help.

I agree that he shouldn't be diagnosed yet. I definitely wouldn't tell him he's being a narc, since more than anything he'll likely act worse after deciding "well screw it, if they aren't gonna like me anyway I might as well be the way they labeled me"

Pretty much every teen ever will sound narcissistic to some degree. They're going through a lot of dramatic changes and everything in their life is very centered around them. If you've only known him since he was around 12...sorry, but that's the start of self-centeredhood.

Like the others said, I'd try not to label and rather talk to the biological parents.

Blueinchild,

You seem like the narcissist, not your child.