Non-Narcissistic Support thread.....

Harkness wrote:Just shows that this was never about you. The common denominator is him. This must make it easier to get over him, right?

Yes somehow it does do that. It is due to a feeling of relief.
I knew this all along, but also was a bit ashamed of my behavior, how I responded to his abuse.
But me being nuts probably wasn't nothing compared to this last one.

Last time in contact with him, I suitably hinted this girls name.
And now she's going crazy.
He is now wondering what and how much I know - really not much nothing.
Sees me as totally lost case/supply and maybe is a bit scared of me.
Guess have I seen Any Hint of him, stalking (we work on a same street)
Nope.
Im so mean

Kiskiskis wrote:

Harkness wrote:Just shows that this was never about you. The common denominator is him. This must make it easier to get over him, right?

Yes somehow it does do that. It is due to a feeling of relief.
I knew this all along, but also was a bit ashamed of my behavior, how I responded to his abuse.
But me being nuts probably wasn't nothing compared to this last one.

Last time in contact with him, I suitably hinted this girls name.
And now she's going crazy.
He is now wondering what and how much I know - really not much nothing.
Sees me as totally lost case/supply and maybe is a bit scared of me.
Guess have I seen Any Hint of him, stalking (we work on a same street)
Nope.
Im so mean

It sounds like you won the break-up to me.

Harkness wrote:It sounds like you won the break-up to me.

Of course there really isn't any winners or losers. I don't feel like a winner.
But I have to say, he deserved that.

Kiskiskis wrote:

Harkness wrote:It sounds like you won the break-up to me.

Of course there really isn't any winners or losers. I don't feel like a winner.
But I have to say, he deserved that.

And you deserve to find someone better and forget about the guy.

Harkness wrote:

Kiskiskis wrote:

Harkness wrote:It sounds like you won the break-up to me.

Of course there really isn't any winners or losers. I don't feel like a winner.
But I have to say, he deserved that.

And you deserve to find someone better and forget about the guy.

Thanks, that's sweet of you!
Well, I do have some social life

This to me is a typical narcissistic type so nice to some, 'A Saint'. To others, so vile.
And this is so often the reason no one believes you. What granny/mother/father/boss? Nasty? Never!
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/4 ... oure-tough

How do i move on from being someone who, while not diagnosed, shows a lot of tendencies for someone with NPD, or a lot of narcissistic traits anyway?

I feel like now I understand how her thought processes worked, I've kind of caught myself doing it. I've always been described as a co-dependant, and from a couple of counselling sessions so far, the counsellor has told me I'm reasonably co-dependant and told me more about my ex based on her past and some of the things I told her that had gone on than I knew about being with her, behaviour patterns, thought processes, why she did some of the stuff she did etc.

I feel like I have a virus that I can't fully wipe out. I logically know in my head that I don't need to be anywhere near this woman, for some reason my heart still has a place for her. Apparently the counselling will help with that....

I've had two short-lived relationships with people since we split 18 months ago, I still live in what was the family house so I'm thinking that's why she's stuck in my head, plus I have children with her so it's constantly rubbed in about how well she's doing compared to the situation she left me in.

As I say I'm worried that I'm starting to think a bit like someone with NPD, some of these thoughts would never entered my head 18 months ago but now I understand how you can get on in life by being like this with people, plus having had to understand some of their thought processes to understand why I've been drained and discarded like I have, it's weird. I've gone from being full of love for someone, would do anything for anyone, believing in unconditional love all that bs to someone who kind of cares but doesn't really, the odd pang of guilt here for making someone feel bad but that's about it.

Now, in the last two relationships, any sign of someone else's emotional past being dumped on me and I'm out the door. Not sure if this is being 'educated' to spot the signs or immaturity or what. I think my brain will overload if I have to put up with anywhere near the s**t I have for the past 7/8 years. My last relationship ended yesterday, and to be honest I don't really feel anything. I've been very patient with the last two, as I was with the (possible) NPD, but it just seems I seem a magnet for people with s**tty pasts that need a 'good guy'. Then offload their crap on me and ownder why I have doubts about being with them. It's as though I've had to dissociate for so long to survive and get by that I can't turn it off again.

So I'm worried, I'm in no-man's land, I don't want my ex back but I still miss parts of her, I don't see me being able to form a loving relationship with anyone else anytime soon but I crave the familiarity and 'bond' of being with someone long-term, even though it turns out that 'bond' was never there in the first place, something that also confuses me.

I'm getting therapy, but it's sooo slow and infrequent. What do I do?

x1p wrote:How do i move on from being someone who, while not diagnosed, shows a lot of tendencies for someone with NPD, or a lot of narcissistic traits anyway?

I feel like now I understand how her thought processes worked, I've kind of caught myself doing it. I've always been described as a co-dependant, and from a couple of counselling sessions so far, the counsellor has told me I'm reasonably co-dependant and told me more about my ex based on her past and some of the things I told her that had gone on than I knew about being with her, behaviour patterns, thought processes, why she did some of the stuff she did etc.

I feel like I have a virus that I can't fully wipe out. I logically know in my head that I don't need to be anywhere near this woman, for some reason my heart still has a place for her. Apparently the counselling will help with that....

I've had two short-lived relationships with people since we split 18 months ago, I still live in what was the family house so I'm thinking that's why she's stuck in my head, plus I have children with her so it's constantly rubbed in about how well she's doing compared to the situation she left me in.

As I say I'm worried that I'm starting to think a bit like someone with NPD, some of these thoughts would never entered my head 18 months ago but now I understand how you can get on in life by being like this with people, plus having had to understand some of their thought processes to understand why I've been drained and discarded like I have, it's weird. I've gone from being full of love for someone, would do anything for anyone, believing in unconditional love all that bs to someone who kind of cares but doesn't really, the odd pang of guilt here for making someone feel bad but that's about it.

Now, in the last two relationships, any sign of someone else's emotional past being dumped on me and I'm out the door. Not sure if this is being 'educated' to spot the signs or immaturity or what. I think my brain will overload if I have to put up with anywhere near the s**t I have for the past 7/8 years. My last relationship ended yesterday, and to be honest I don't really feel anything. I've been very patient with the last two, as I was with the (possible) NPD, but it just seems I seem a magnet for people with s**tty pasts that need a 'good guy'. Then offload their crap on me and ownder why I have doubts about being with them. It's as though I've had to dissociate for so long to survive and get by that I can't turn it off again.

So I'm worried, I'm in no-man's land, I don't want my ex back but I still miss parts of her, I don't see me being able to form a loving relationship with anyone else anytime soon but I crave the familiarity and 'bond' of being with someone long-term, even though it turns out that 'bond' was never there in the first place, something that also confuses me.

I'm getting therapy, but it's sooo slow and infrequent. What do I do?

Oops, first line should say move on from being with someone lol.

x1p wrote:

x1p wrote:How do i move on from being someone who, while not diagnosed, shows a lot of tendencies for someone with NPD, or a lot of narcissistic traits anyway?

I feel like now I understand how her thought processes worked, I've kind of caught myself doing it. I've always been described as a co-dependant, and from a couple of counselling sessions so far, the counsellor has told me I'm reasonably co-dependant and told me more about my ex based on her past and some of the things I told her that had gone on than I knew about being with her, behaviour patterns, thought processes, why she did some of the stuff she did etc.

I feel like I have a virus that I can't fully wipe out. I logically know in my head that I don't need to be anywhere near this woman, for some reason my heart still has a place for her. Apparently the counselling will help with that....

I've had two short-lived relationships with people since we split 18 months ago, I still live in what was the family house so I'm thinking that's why she's stuck in my head, plus I have children with her so it's constantly rubbed in about how well she's doing compared to the situation she left me in.

As I say I'm worried that I'm starting to think a bit like someone with NPD, some of these thoughts would never entered my head 18 months ago but now I understand how you can get on in life by being like this with people, plus having had to understand some of their thought processes to understand why I've been drained and discarded like I have, it's weird. I've gone from being full of love for someone, would do anything for anyone, believing in unconditional love all that bs to someone who kind of cares but doesn't really, the odd pang of guilt here for making someone feel bad but that's about it.

Now, in the last two relationships, any sign of someone else's emotional past being dumped on me and I'm out the door. Not sure if this is being 'educated' to spot the signs or immaturity or what. I think my brain will overload if I have to put up with anywhere near the s**t I have for the past 7/8 years. My last relationship ended yesterday, and to be honest I don't really feel anything. I've been very patient with the last two, as I was with the (possible) NPD, but it just seems I seem a magnet for people with s**tty pasts that need a 'good guy'. Then offload their crap on me and ownder why I have doubts about being with them. It's as though I've had to dissociate for so long to survive and get by that I can't turn it off again.

So I'm worried, I'm in no-man's land, I don't want my ex back but I still miss parts of her, I don't see me being able to form a loving relationship with anyone else anytime soon but I crave the familiarity and 'bond' of being with someone long-term, even though it turns out that 'bond' was never there in the first place, something that also confuses me.

I'm getting therapy, but it's sooo slow and infrequent. What do I do?

Oops, first line should say move on from being with someone lol.

Hi, and Mary Christmas.
For some reason i feel like helping you. It is perhaps the raw honesty that your posts show, the ability to express yourself clear without whining, and the honest ask for help. And than I feel sorry that no one is responding with something. Because you are really looking into yourself and you are really asking for help. Looks like there is not a lot of sympathy on this forum.

Telling you to move on would be totally stupid, this is perhaps what you get all the time with friends. There are things in you that are preventing you from moving; i perceive that you are on the right track.

So basically what I am telling here is that you are heard and understood.

I will still add my two,cents. You can do some actions that will help you feeling good about yourself and finding your own values.

-I am not sure that moving from a family house would really help. You may re-decorate it, add colours, and make it a happy place for you and for your children when they visit.

-Your craving for being and bonding with someone is totally understandable, this Is perhaps what keeps you thinking about your ex; not herself. You are not moving from that feeling because that somehow makes you feel alive.

-since you decided to stay on this forum, you can go and be angry and express yourself in other treads than This one. See what you think of the subject and tell it without trying to be too polite and without trying to please anyone. Fight for yourself; be who you are, and don't judge yourself; don't squeeze yourself so that you don't get rejected and make others angry; just try to understand. Most of the members on this forum are not NPD anyway, and they are pretty loud in their opinions, so why wouldn't you be loud; you don't necessary have to be right, but you will never know if you don't 'voice' yourself.

-Try to remember what is it that you liked to do before your brain got stuck with your marriage. Join meetup groups, take a course, find things that you enjoy doing - books, music, singing, painting, hiking, community work, dancing....whatever is yours and only yours. For example, dancing is a way of communication; you can learn a lot about person by just dancing with them. But choose the activity that assumes the group; this may be the opportunity to bond with others through common interest.

I hope it helps. I expect you to go and f..Ing argue with me, I am tired of being sorry for you, and I don't think that you want anyone to be sorry for you as well.

I came here looking for a support forum for adult children, specifically daughters of narcissistic mothers. since it seems that this thread is support for NPDs themselves, it is not the right place. I used to go tot he DONM forum which is now closed. Is there an appropriate place here to talk with folks who understand the issues of adult children? Also ACOA