Non-Borderline Support thread.....

freshcutgrass wrote:

I thought the whole point of having nons and BPDs in the same place was to help both groups better understand each other. If what you really want is a BPD support forum, you should drop the pretense of welcoming nons.

I agree...if the real intention of this board is to be a safe haven for those with BPD to focus on themselves, and not have to be confronted with the victims of BPD abuse, then it should be clearly stated as such.

As victims of abuse, the "Nons" come here usually in a state of anxiety hoping to find some sort of answers to what they are going through, and it gives the appearance of fair treatment.

But that is not how it works. First, you will find you are given a "label"...a "Non". "They" have a label...so must you, to give you the impression that if you have a label, there must be something wrong with you too. This way, the fact that you are a victim is nullified. There's only one victim allowed here...the BPD.

Then you will notice that the board admins/mods consist of people with BPD, which will indicate some bias. They will talk about things like "respect", and ban members like DC, yet turn a blind eye to PD'd members who are given almost free reign to run roughshod over the boards with usual very bad behavior consistent with their illness.

The author of this lovely piece of "respect" was not banned (one example of many)...

Semen smells like freshly cut grass. This isn't ubiquitously known, but I'm pretty sure FreshlyCutGrass was aware of it when he made his name. It does: I remember this from when I was 13, smell it next time and you'll (anyone) see. Funny name. He named himself "cum". Now he's tying to add an S in front of it. Kudos.

To all those poor souls who find themselves here out of desperation as victims of abuse, please listen....

Since the bias is to "support" people with BPD, don't expect much for yourself. Your mere existence here as a victim of BPD abuse is enough to upset the BPD population, as the last thing they want to be reminded of, is the victims of their abuse. They can tell their horror stories about their suffering...but you can't (it upsets the BPD). They can rant all they want about you, but you don't dare disagree with anything they say, no matter how illogical they are (it upsets the BPD).

Pretty soon, a very familiar song will be playing...they are the victim and you are the abuser. They will tell you that you have a mental illness...there will be smear campaigns...lies...extreme verbal abuse.

It sounds familiar...because it IS! It's the toxic virtual equivalent of the real world hell that brought you here in the first place.

Do people with mental illness need help ? Of course they do. Is this it? I don't know...it seems to act more like a social club, where people with BPD can act...well...like people who have BPD, without consequences.

But as a victim of abuse, this is not a safe place for you. You need to find a place where you can benefit from professional help that's sole purpose is to help YOU.


Am I going to take my own advice?

Your DAMNED RIGHT!!!

I will post a copy of this in the "Non Borderline Support Thread", which is the token little corner recently created so as not to sully the rest of the board with our annoying problems.

Victim?????
Please!
People trying to deal with their Own BPD are survivors. Try the best way that they can understand this disorder. That is talking to other members who have the same dx. The last thing we need is someone, again telling us how "awful" we are.

If a BPD post asking for Non's advice feel free, but if it is not requested, your reply is probably not needed. Help your own kind. We will help ours.

You should be happy about it, The more healthy BPDers there are the less "victim-Non's" there will be.

Think about it.please.
You got your very own Section, A Thread just for you.

It is not meant to be a negative. I mean everything as a positive. Nothing personal.

Blessings to you.

PS, We did not name you Non's, That is the name you gave yourselves!

Peace.

This is the Non Support Area aka the Non Ghetto. Please refrain from yelling at us here. Thank you.

<em>velouria</em> wrote:This is the Non Support Area aka the Non Ghetto. Please refrain from yelling at us here. Thank you.

I have warned you verbally, I have warn/flagged your member id. If you can not stop giving a negative vibe and spin on everything, you will be banned.

I am a women with BPD and have been on this forum only a short while. I actually have found it really helpful reading posts from the nons and, maybe because I have plenty of insight, have not felt offended by anything said so far, in fact I feel I benefit from their posts most especially DC who has, sadly, been banned. My only problem was that there seemed to be more 'nons' than people with BPD. Maybe I am missing something here.

appliepiexx

I missed alot being away for a bit. "nons" banned to our own area? Oh well. As for all this Banishing from the forum.... I think everybody is entitled to an opinion if its truly a forum welcoming "nons" as well as people with BPD . I respect DCs opinions as well as Carmenroses' opinion. Frankly if this is a forum where both perspectives are welcome, perhaps moderators from both perspectives should be in place. I dont know if they are, I'm just sayin.

I am supprised though that some of the folks here with BPD, on a forum welcoming BPSers and nons, would take offense when a non simply states the experience they had with a person with BPD.

I will qualify what I'm about to say here by saying that I respect persons with BPD, just as I respect NONs. In fact, I still love my uBPDxgf, though she went from talking marriage, to writing me off without even the luxury of a goodbye without provocation or explaination over 3 months ago. BUT.......

.......What the typical experience seems to be in these relationships is this;

A person is pursued by a BPDr, relentlessly, with what I can only describe as something like an irresistable force, in terms of them saying how much they love you, and want to spend their life with you. The "non" lets their guard down, and assumes this person is being sincere. They give their heart to this person, allow themselves to fall in love in return, and show that love and attachment, (which is quite healthy in non disordered persons. It'skinda how things are supposed to go!) At that point, the person with BPD...at the risk of oversimplifying here..... pretty much rips the persons heart out and stomps it to death (for lack of a better description)

The fact that they dont mean to do it ,doesnt make it easier to deal with when they do. It is a HORRIBLE thing to go through. I dont hate my x. I love her very very much. But since this forum is, or at least was, for BPDrs as well as nons. Nobody should be upset when the results of this type of relationship is brought out into the light, provided... we assign blame to the disorder, NOT the individual who has it. After all, no disrespect to anyone here, it IS a disorder, and to say that the actions of someone who has it are just fine,and likely justified, and nons are just to sensative is dilusional thinking. If its not, why do persons seek treatment and a cure? How can the effects of this disorder, on the persons a BPDer enmeshes with, be a banned topic???

I'll climb off my soapbox now. I apologise if I have offended anyone. That was not my intent.

My only problem was that there seemed to be more 'nons' than people with BPD. Maybe I am missing something here.

I think you are missing something....the fact that the number of people affected by BPD far outnumber the people that have BPD.

In the words of Richard Rohr....

If we do not transform our pain we will surely transmit it.

FreshCutGrass with all due respect yes there may well be more people affected by people with BPD than people with BPD, but remember people affected can get over/through their experience go on to have other relationships etc while most of us with BPD have a life sentence.

appliepie

applepie wrote:FreshCutGrass with all due respect yes there may well be more people affected by people with BPD than people with BPD, but remember people affected can get over/through their experience go on to have other relationships etc while most of us with BPD have a life sentence.

appliepie

True... I know mine's a life sentence.
Doesn't really excuse some things I do though.
I don't even LIKE FCG...
I just think there should be a forum for the nons... like a forum not a thread, you know?

applepie wrote:FreshCutGrass with all due respect yes there may well be more people affected by people with BPD than people with BPD, but remember people affected can get over/through their experience go on to have other relationships etc while most of us with BPD have a life sentence.

appliepie

Hi applepie,

I'm not tryin to be a jerk here, so please dont take this the wrong way. I'm by no means trying to discredit your comment. But i gotta say, from my perspective, a "non", it seems that the persons who have the luxury of just getting over the relationship and moving on to have others, is the person who has BPD. The nons seem to be the ones who live a life sentence. A sentence of feeling for a long time, like they have been emotionally raped, for lack of a better term. And a sentence of wondering if they can ever trust themselves to fall in love again.

I do get where you're coming from though. I do. and it's a valid point. But that's the flip side of the coin.

Hi everyone,

I did discuss a sub Forum for Non-Borderline support, that was my first idea. I discussed it with all of the Administration. The PsychForums are so big, that the suggestions were talked about and I did not want
to leave Non's out so you were given your very own Support Thread. Your are not banned, your gifted.

Please try and see the positive and ahead down the lane. You all could make this a really positive thing.
I care that you have a place to go. The word Respect still stands. It is important that the forum is for everyone and when new people come here BPD or a "Non" can see where to go.

Blessings to all,
Red