Spouse with Delusional Disorder

Hi everyone.

My sweet, sweet husband has broken and been overcome with DD. He was literally the kindest, sweetest, most beautiful man I had ever met, and his love for me was radiant. But then, under massive amounts of stress, he just snapped and suddenly believes that I am a clone sent by the FBI to replace his real wife. He is completely fine when anyone else is around--especially the police--but then believes there is a grand conspiracy to cover up the truth.

He snapped two weeks ago and said that I have been replaced by a clone, and I am his trigger. Unfortunately, he snapped while in the middle of adjusting his status for immigration, so he's planning on just abandoning his immigration and getting deported. I feel so trapped!

I called his family and he said he NEVER was like this until about three years ago, and he has intermittently gone in and out of believing his family has been replaced by clones.

I'm terrified, and no offense to any of you beautiful, strong people, but reading how they never get better is extremely depressing. I see counselors and pastors, but he refuses to as he believes it's all a conspiracy against him. Time is ticking with immigration, and our marriage is crumbling.

I have NO clue how to get him help! And because of immigration, we have no insurance. I feel stuck.

Hey everyone ,
I dont know if anyone will read this . Since this thread is quite old . But its the best thread for the loved ones of DD . This is probably the last time Im posting here. Because after 5 months of fighting . I think im going to give up . It is really difficult not only because I'll never talk to him again or be in a relationship with him but because he does not know what he is doing and does not know something is wrong with him . The worst part is he will most probably never know . It really hurts me when i think the man i loved the most is not only not going to be with me but think that im the worst person he has ever met for the rest of his life . Its just really painful. I know every single person who has posted on this thread knows how it feels. I just dont think i can take it anymore . I feel guilty because i cant think of enough ways to keep fighting. I promised that i will never give up on him . I wish i could keep the promise . I tried . I really did . Maybe it wasnt enough . It probably will never be enough . I hope my sacrifice of letting him go doesn't go to waste . I hope he gets better because he has one less person to worry about now . I know i have no need of posting here about this . But i think its going to help me give myself a closure .If youre the trigger in your loved one's delusions . Then there is only 1% chance you'll ever be happy again . The only way out of it is to leave . For the good of you and the sufferer . Somewhere I'm glad this didnt happen 10-15 years down the line when id mostly have a family with this guy . Listening to all you guys stories . I think god cut us some slack there giving us this when we are still shaping our lives . I'll pray for all of you'll . I really genuinely hope youll do well . This thread really helped me . Thank you .

I'm really sorry Jemma. I don't think anyone would fault you or think less of you for leaving. This sort of illness really pushes the limits of what a commitment means in marriage. I love my wife with my whole heart and it's pure torture to live through this. And if I were in your shoes, I would probably leave too. Heck if I didn't have 5 kids to think about, it would be very very tempting to leave now - and this is after 21 years of marriage. I take my marriage vows very seriously, but this "disease" tests those vows like nothing else.

As a short update on my situation. A couple nights ago, I was having trouble getting to sleep and my wife, who has been sleeping in the same bed now for a month, kisses me on the forehead and says "what's wrong? why can't you sleep". That's the most affection and caring I've gotten from her in years. I'm trying to live in the moment and enjoy it. But from what I've read from others on this forum, a relapse is all-to-common. So I'm also kind of bracing myself for some future pain.....

I couldn't leave . I love him too much to leave . He's been better now . He still believes all his delusions . But he talks less about it. Im living the moment too . I don't know how long before his next episode . I think its going to be soon. Because he is really stressed about his exams right now . That is distracting him from his thoughts . But I'm afraid the stress will invite another episode. I think i have some fight left in me. I really hope things go back to normal before i lose all hopes .

Mr.badrollercoster , im really glad you had a moment with your wife. Don't lose hope yet . Your kids are going to look up to you for hope.

We actually had a date last Saturday OMG She's still paranoid as heck. Her latest delusion is that she thinks that someone is sending planes and helicopters over our house to watch her.

Hello everyone it's been awhile since I have posted. I normally just read posts. Reading them though takes me back to a very confusing time as I found this forum after my relationship was destroyed by this disease. One thing I wanted to say to Jenna, don't think that if you leave he will not do the same thing over and over and over again, it will continue no matter who they are with. It's a vicious cycle, a new relationship, a new victim so to speak. I'm not saying leave your spouse, I'm just saying if you did, the next person will eventually become the trigger. It has been almost 3 years now and I can say that I don't miss the strange, irritable, erratic behavior that at one time was the norm. I now know what normal is, boring and I love it. Staying doesn't prove how true your love is nor does leaving. What it really boils down to is how much do you love yourself. We all, at some point in time, thought us staying with that person proved something, maybe all it proved was that we were just fooling ourselves into thinking that we could somehow beat this disease because our love was true. Yes, for us, our love is true, but is their love true? Do they really understand love? I don't know, I realize that I was in a relationship not just with someone that was delusional but also a sociopath. I just wanted to believe it was more than it really was. I guess I was the delusional one in the end. I do wish everyone well and hope that your results turn out differently than my own, I really do. It would be nice to hear a happily ever after with a delusional partner but I fear that it will never be the case. Just a life of walking on eggshells never knowing when the other shoe is about to drop. And to heavyhearted who has not posted in quite sometime, how are you??

I know there is no happily ever after with this ever . For me its all about how long i'll be able to walk on those eggshells before i break completely. After my last post there was another episode which lasted for a few days . Then things are fine again now . Not really fine . Because he never trusts me. I have to keep giving proof of everything i'm doing . If I'm online and not talking to him its concluded that I'm upto something . But now it seems he doesnt want to waste his energy on me . It really hurts hearing those things . I just cant seem to get used to this. It still hurts me a lot i burst down to tears everytime he says something mean . I want to stop being affected by it so much . How do I get used to it ? Its been 6 months now since this hell ride started . Some of you'll have been in for years . How did you'll get used to it ? Will it just happen with time or do I have to do something to feel less bad and affected because i know its not entirely him .

Hi,
I recently found this website and registered. I've been living in this weird delusional world with my husband for about 3 years now. In earlier posts I read that some believe that this is biological, and that it "sleeps" until something triggers it. I've wondered about that. I've been married to my husband for almost 16 years. It's been a wonderful marriage. We are currently in our early mid 60's, looking forward to retiring and acting like old people who garden, travel and go to antique stores for green glass. About 3 years ago my husband had 3 different surgeries back to back. He has been a heart patient with stents since 2002 and has done well. In 2016 he had to have gall bladder surgery. That went well, but in the recovery room he had trouble with his heart rate. They suggested that he needed a pace maker. He sort of knew that anyway, but put it off. But he went and got a pacemaker and that went well. Weeks after that he had to have surgery on his prostate. A "roto rooter" kind of procedure that left him bleeding and incontinent for a while, but it finally healed after about 6 months. But around that time he started saying weird stuff like he was watching the Roku and swears that someone beamed in what he said was child pornography into our TV. He was so upset about it that he tried to contact Roku and threw the unit into the trash. Trying to make this a shorter story, since then he has become obsessed with the idea that now rogue cops, FBI, CIA and Homeland Security are now watching him and watching our house. Monitoring our cell phones, following him around. We live near a public boat ramp on a lake and people come and go all the time. They are now all suspect. He tells me about things that happened weeks ago and I can't confirm any of these things because they aren't real. I have some questions. He still holds down a job of 30 years, and seems to be normal most of the time, but slides into these delusion. Is everyone else's spouse still function day to day normally? Has anyone checked into thyroid issues? Hormone levels? Things that could cause chemical imbalances? Although my husband "may" have had issues in his previous marriage, this seems to have manifested in the past three years. I'm just trying to sort these things out.

My wife is able to function normally both at work and at home in terms of being a mom. She had a partial hysterectomy 2 years ago (1 ovary still there). The doctor has checked her hormone levels, post surgery, and so far everything appears normal. My wife's delusions started before the hysterectomy although she was perimenopausal before the surgery. The short of it is, there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with her hormones.

My counselor has been very surprised that my wife has been able to function at work since a great deal of her delusions and suspicions are about those people. And she expects that one day, it will effect her job.

I did ask my husband to get his hormone level checked because he has bad night sweats a few times a week. It turned out that they were normal. The next thing I want to check in to is the thyroid. I'm doing this as "backdoor" methods of finding out why he may be delusional. I found an article by A.G. awad, MD, BCH, Phd, FRCP(C) who is an Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Toronto. The article is titled "The Thyroid and the Mind and Emotions/Thyroid Dysfunction and Mental Disorders.
He says many patients that come to him for psychiatric issues turn out to have thyroid issues that make them delusional.
According to him, people who have Hypothyroidism (and I'm one of them) show *marked slowing of all mental processes * progressive loss of initiative and interest * memory difficulties * thinking is easily muddled * general intellectual deterioration * depression with paranoid flavour * organic psychosis. He adds, "In severe, untreated cases, dementia may be the ultimate outcome. This underscores the importance of early detection and treatment". *mod edit*
Take what you want from that. My husband has episodes of delusions and I guess is not as full blown as some of the heartbreaking reports that I've seen on this blog. And, thank God, he's not showing the jealous nature of the beast. He just thinks that everyone is after him. What I've been reading is that this can be caused by a chemical imbalance. Ok.....what chemicals? As a woman who had a complete hysterectomy when I was 23, and now taking thyroid meds....I know how "wackadoodle" I can be if I'm not taking my pills every day. Not to the extreme as this, but this psychiatrist notes that not everyone responds the same way.
I want to go the medical route first and see what could be causing this switch to flip. One of the things I was able to address was his sleep apnea. This man has had sleep apnea for at least 30 years. I've only been with him for 16, but he commented that he's "always been that way". Sleep apnea is oxygen shut off to the brain, and I think that nearly 30 years of that had taken it's toll. Look up sleep deprivation and delusions. So now he has a CPAP machine, which he now refers to as his "best friend". It's made a big difference. Exercise/walking raises serotonin levels which bathes the brain in feel good chemicals. I remind him to do that.....for his heart. I hope I'm helping someone here with what is working for us, but once again...everyone is different. I have so much more to say, but I'll leave it at that for today.