Adult Children of Narcissists

jullia, what kind of a relationship do you have with your dad today?

Thanks Kimera, I figured this was appropriate given the Subject Line but I'll head over to check it out.

No offence meant! I was more referring to the types of crazies that aren't on this forum, seeking help.

@shanzeek Yeah I can relate to that. My Dad didn't control me. He mostly ignored me as a kid and only ever interacted with me if it were on his terms.

Small doses work for us. As long as he has a few stories to tell, everything's fine. But if I see him too often and its not the "Steven" show, he"all resort back to nasty comments and criticism to bait you into an argument. Very annoying, especially when I might actually have something to talk about.
So immature.

i always felt that i wanted to believe him. like he tried to convince me and manipulate me in smart way. successfully. but my aunt just demanded things i didn't want to give. i do not know if i make sense. like he was better at manipulation

he died. and i think i am angry subconsciously with him still. i really hurt him at the end and i do not feel appropriate guilt.i think maybe is my defense probably .he turned my empathy against me often.
i didn't even want revenge,i just wanted to avoid him without knowing why and i lost empathy with him . and also i felt safe for some reason that he died.although scared because my false hope died but then more safe that i want it.

i do not think he knew how i felt while he was alive. probably he thought i admired him.lol. we had a normal relationship but something was way off and i could figure out what is that.i do not know how to explain it. like i was in twilight zone.when everything is fine and good but something is weird and ugly at the same time

-- Fri Aug 04, 2017 11:37 pm --

maybe you can idealize your dad if you are golden child.even if he is a narcissist. i think he wanted me to admire him. he for example idealized his father it think.

i mean you say you keep your distance. i do not get why i wanted to avoid him when he was friendly. i enjoyed the philosophical conversations ,he seemed very interesting person and smarter than others to me to have a conversation but there was no intimacy .
also he never took the blame for anything when he screw up. others fault always. and the false hope and delusional fantasies. the grandiosity. i can imagine if you knew him it was annoying but if you didn't know him you might believe him

edit: i discovered nomatter how smarter you are, i prefer the one who makes me feel safer emotionally and not the one who has better IQ

@myheadfelloff,

"Good luck to all you peeps dealing with these crazy people. We might be hurt and suffering but at least we know what empathy feels like x"

The thread that you posted under is not for just nons who are Adult Children of Narcissists, but also for those who are disordered and grew up with narcissistic parent(s) as well. It is a known fact that many narcissists themselves also have grown up with a narcissist parent and they are just as "hurt and suffering".

The NPD forum is a peer support forum for those who suffer with issues arising from their own disorder. The members here have nothing to do with happened to you and are not to blame for what your parents did or did not do. Members can, however, provide insight, if you are respectful in your inquiries and recognize that they're humans like everybody else.

Best regards,
realityhere
(moderator)

Myheadfelloff wrote:No offence meant! I was more referring to the types of crazies that aren't on this forum, seeking help.

No worries -- I'm also the adult child of a narcissist, so I can relate.

@realityhere Again, apologies if I have caused offence!
As someone who uses the term crazy very loosely, I honestly wasn't trying to have a dig at anyone.
Perhaps a slight language barrier, I'm Aussie.

It was pointed out to me earlier and I've posted in a more appropriate forum. First time mistake. Oops

Myheadfelloff,

Apologies accepted, and welcome to the forum!

Yeah, Aussies do have a colorful language.

rh

i like the word crazy. it doesn't have derogative vibe in my head.it has interesting vibe. so i do not really get why people get upset. like when you call someone strange maybe is not negative,maybe strange is positive or unique

-- Sat Aug 05, 2017 11:44 pm --

like when you try to offend someone who has aspd by saying you lack empathy.and he thinks yeaaah i like that

During puberty I discovered descriptions of narcissism that make me think my mother has traits from narcissism. I was even surer when my ex was also diagnosed with traits of narcissism. She also meets all criteria of the obsessive compulsive personality disorder. I have suffered psychological control so badly that I have been independent she kept fighting against every decision I ever made for myself. She has manipulated child protective services into giving my child to her. She is trying to make them give me wrong diagnoses so it wasn't her fault that I'm damaged. I have extreme fears talking about her because of her reactions to critisism. She smeared my name. She even controls who I'm friends with. I have found multiple ways of lying and being secretive. I'm almost never honest to her, now 28. All she wanted me for was going to university, denying any needs I have of my own. Still I can't be my own person. Never, I guess. Only for my child i'm not breaking contact. She seems to enjoy nothing but critisising others sharply. She's done this with me, it was all form of contact we had, her critisising me and punishing and threatening me for not shutting up, screaming at me. She was very sweet when I was young but she seemed to never understand my feelings, like often throwing away things of emotional worth, belittle me in public, forgetting me when there were guests over. The last thing she stole was my son. I don't know how to explain this to others at all. I have seen her transform often during my youth, denying that she ever had other opinions, also extremely black and white. It's either right or too wrong to even give thought to. She is very often ashamed of others. She is well loved. Only in intimate relationships she always has quarrels. she can never, just never admit she wasn't right. She holds her identity by always having to had to care for others.