Avoiding the "forbidden" confrontation

bsc,
You must feel so relieved to have a break finally, even if there is still worry about a 'monster' hiding underneath the calm. At least you know she is safe and I'm sure your blood pressure is down a bit, too.
I'm really glad things are less bad for you.... In reading your story here I have a lot of respect & admiration for your character.
Much love,
buz.

Hi bsc

its really good that your wife is actually taking this medicine willingly. From what I can see it is really hard to get most DD patients to ever consider taking it voluntarily. Its great you managed to hang in there and get to this stage. I can imagine what a relief this must have been for you

Unfortunuately with my brother , even after 5 weeks of medication he thinks the medicine is poison . So this really reduces his chance of returning to a semblance of normality. The doctors say they will change my brothers status to take court ordered injections once he is released, probably in a week or so

I have started picking up the pieces of my life now that my brother is in hospital, but I dread what he will do once he gets out. he might even leave the country to escape having to take "poison"

I have reached the stage of acceptance where i have realised that there is really nothing much more that I can do to help him. I dont think I will live with him again unless his delusions are properly controlled. He channels the anger from his DD into violent behaviour to the family

buz, thank you for the compliment, and worried brother.

Yes it is always a difficult decision to say, I am going do whatever it takes - force, police, etc. I thought during her first stay in the hosp, when she was literally wrestling with the hosp guards on the floor, this is it, everyone can see what I have been putting up with for several years, at that time.

When she came out she wouldn't take the meds,was angry with me, and went right back to her usual crappy self. The second time, I got the atty guardian. I went there originally to start divorce proceedings. After telling the atty my story, she talked me out of the divorce and into the probate court to have my wife picked up by the police. The atty was assigned as her guardian, by the judge. When she left the hosp the second time, she still wasn't too serious about what she had to do.

But now I had a mechanism of control which I used twice more to get her into the hosp. So far, the fourth one stuck.

So it is not really a success story. Just for now - which we keep extending. I have been happier in the past year then in the previous 10 to 12 years.

sunny

I have come very, very close to leaving her a number of times. I would like to be romantic and say "what I do for love, etc", but perhaps its codependency. We, on the forum have discussed that a few years ago.

I ask myself that question all the time. Why do I stay?? It's not for beauty, personality, sex, cooking, etc., all of which have changed dramatically over the years. I sort of feel that I need to take care of her.

I used to spend a great deal of time away from her working, and running away when she got real bad. But I always came back. I used to fantasize (and still do) about living away from her, perhaps with someone else. But it depressed me.

Although we have our daughters, and grandchildren (still rarely), she is all I have, and I am all she has. So we have a peaceful (so far) co-existance. At my age, it will have to do. And maybe at my age it is too much trouble to make dramatic changes. Maybe 15-20 years ago...?!?

But if you read some of my responses to younger people with similar problems with loved ones, I tell them to run as fast and far as they can before they get locked into a life of misery

faithful wrote:Wow .... how do we all live with this? I relate to it all - being paranoid - were his comments about a chair being moved or a cigarette in the trash really just a comment, or an accusation that my lover came in and moved furniture and smoked a cigarette?

I'm pretty late to this thread and only on about page 4! But this really hit home. I find myself getting paranoid like this all the time. He made a comment about a sock he saw across the street, just lying in the gutter, and said "is that yours?". I brought it up with the MH worker later, and he said he's just worried it had blown off the washing line! I don't really beleive him, but that could have been what he thought...

There was no mistaking what he meant by going to the VD clinic for a "check up" this week though. The MH worker said it was a normal thing to do when a relationship was ending... but I know it's his way of saying he thinks I've given him a disease. After all, to the professionals, he's stopped recording and getting in my face about it so he's much "better"... so he could conceivably be right about me having an affair!

It makes me want to scream.

Update

Trauma coming??? The psych she has been seeing for about 2 years is changing his office from the hospital to the drug abuse clinic in the inner city. She won't go there to see him or get shots there, so is starting a new Dr this Thursday.

She is very upset that he may change her treatment. I am also worried about the same thing. She may talk him into pills instead of shots. Then the control is out of my hands, and the peaceful coexistance I have enjoyed for the past 15 months will be gone.

I may go along for the appointment to assert some control.

On the other hand the costs of the shots are getting out of hand. The hospital billing dept has given up on trying to collect from either of two insurance companies I have, and now billed me for the 9 months after her last hosp stay. Comes to about $11,000. I am presently paying for the 20% copay from April until now. That I can afford. The insurance company started to pay 80% in April, but I can't get them to go retroactive to July 07.

But it is tempting to go back to the resp pills. Practically free compared to the resp shots. Can't understand why the meds cost about $550 per injection. And then the hosp adds another $100 for their services.

I have the choice going broke or going crazy....

BSC

I know where you are coming from. The psych that my hubby has been seeing for the last 3 years, told us this week that he is moving to another city. This Dr. is the only one left from the team when he was really ill. He is the only one who knows how bad things got. After 3 years my hubby sort of trusts him, as much as he trusts anyone in the mental health field.

He is also will to let me come with my hubby to his appointments and he asks me how things are going and he actually listens to me. He knows how to deal with my hubby and how to convince his to take his meds and to take them as directed. All this in a 10-15 min appointment.

I am worried now about what will happen. Hubby is saying why bother, he doesn't want to get to know anyone new. Like you I am wondering if it is just the beginning of the whole nightmare again.

And that scares me. I don't know if I can go through all of that again......

Update - the event I have feared, and written about, the most is now happening. My wifes new psych is taking her off of ResperdalConsta and putting her on the Resperdal pills.

She has been on the shots now for 18 months, and she has been quite tolerable. I have built up a huge bill with the hosp and have not been able to settle anything with the insurance co.

He said to her that he wants to try it and see what happens, she needs to see him biweekly instead of quarterly. So with him closely monitoring her, and me playing policeman every night to make sure she takes her meds, it may be ok for a while.

From the practical and financial viewpoint, it is the right thing to do. She has had insight for 18 months, and says she understands the difference. She doe not want to go back to her previous mental state.

So, wish me luck - I'll keep you up to date.

s