Avoiding the "forbidden" confrontation

bsc - thank you for your detailed reports, which are very helpful, and strength to you as you proceed. there is one bit (among others) that really resonates:

if people can't accept her the way she is, then too bad. When I explain that she is losing me, her daughters, her grandkids, her parents, she is just shrugs.

my mother has the same attitude. she refuses to measure her words or actions based on anyone else's sensibilities, and has broadly indicated that, even at 99, she's willing to alienate her only son rather than take him or anyone else's feelings into consideration (two years ago she informed me stuffily that my presence would not be required at thanksgiving dinner, though there are more instances than that).

again, your posts are very helpful, please continue to record the process.

UPDATE - she was in the psych ward for almost 2 weeks. Just came home today. First week was wasted since she refuse any meds. Finally last Fri they gave her a first shot and this morn the second. Supposed to be a week apart for first 2, but close enough. The insurance company is balking at paying beyond the first 8 days.

I visited her every day and twice a day on weekends. that was no fun. I became a real clockwatcher waiting for the hour to be over. She demanded i bring her clothes and other things that were not supposed to be in there.

After the first the shots i think she is worse. Hopefully they will kick in soon.

Late Fri nite - still waiting for those shots to take effect. She has been very sick with - maybe the flu. Took her to the Dr to get antibiotics and cough med. She is still feisty and as impossible to live with as before, but she is sleeping now probably from the antibiotics.

She says she is very upset w me and daughter for what we did to her. Keeps looking for atty to get her out of this. Wants to sue everyone. Still thinks the house is bugged and the new computer i set up for her is tainted. Paranoid as ever.

Wonder how long it takes for Invega extenna to take effect?

BSC,

Can I ask how one starts the process for getting help via force if needed.....of course my wife thinks I'm a villain, she is paranoid about everyone and all persons have an agenda that is against her. She will not take meds, she thinks it's me and not her and I am the one with the problem. What can one do? I am recently concerned more for my kids safety because of things that my daughter has told me she has done to others she is paranoid about when driving, like speeding up to yell at people in cars, to ride their bumpers......I need to know what I need to do legally to get her into a hospital and how do I go about starting the process.....her psychiatrist will not see me without getting my wife's consent and I'm just not sure what to do....

any thougths or advise would be helpful on this....
hvy_hearted_37

Hi Hvy_hearted-37,
Have you talked with you local or state NAMI office? The Natioinal Alliance on Mental Illness in the US is very helpful. They can help you learn about your state mental health laws. Every state has different mental health and public health laws, but my understanding is that if the patient is a threat to themself or to others you can get help and should get help from law enforcement and the mental health legal system.
I wish you the best.
Sunny

BSC,
I'm so sorry to hear your wife relapsed. And that she isn't taking the medication. My life would be toast if I fell off the wagon like that.

I guess I'm lucky to have insight. I like my job, and have fun with my daughter. The medication still works for me. And I am glad my family helps me remember to take my medication. I wish your wife had the insight to appreciate your commitment. I hope things get better. BTW, if she doesn't care if she loses her family, if she doesn't take the medication, I think you need a divorce. You should be able to have a life you enjoy. I really do hope things get better for you and her.
Sunny

Well - unfortunately I am back. The injected Invega was reduced to pill form after a year at her request. Then I notice during our evening pill taking ceremony, she is only faking the taking of her pill. But her behavior is still fine. So I say nothing.

But a few weeks ago, with our younger daughter back with us again, I hear her being more militant about med compliance, and how she can do what she wants.

She says she stopped taking her pills 6 months ago. Wants to heal "naturally". My daughter who is well versed in the biology of this, went to court to do the probating this time, while I was working out of town (as usual). My wife of course is refusing meds in the hospital. Though she says she took a few pills. She needs to be back on shots again but refuses. The hosp says they will not physically force a shot. Last time she was in for 12 days until she voluntarily agreed to an injection. Been 5 days now. Bill is building. Both daughters are now fully involved this time.

BTW - this the 6th time in 10 years.

BSC,
I'm sorry she relapsed again. A helpful delusional belief I've developed and shared with others who struggle to stay on the medication is this:

That I'm being watched, and if I don't take the medication my life will fall apart because the conspiracy will return.

It isn't a total lie, it is true, but when I'm well, I recognize the issue with the life falling apart is the illness itself, and it is biological not actual gang stalking... hopefully, I mean that would be beyond belief. I told my aunt this secret to successful medication compliance is a deeply held belief that following medication compliance is keeping me protected from the illness/delusions/conspiracies.

But to track my medication compliance I text a family member every day, it documents the taking of the medication, and provides a record. This helps support the belief system, and keeps my family in the loop.

Food for thought.

Sunny

ps They have a new forum for friends and family of loved ones with mental illness, that this will likely be moved to.

My, it has been a long time. BSC, seems not much has changed for you. I have no idea how you keep handling this. Stronger than I. I wish you all the best.

Thank you all.

In spite of my begging the hosp to keep her for a week until meds kicked in, they discharged her Tues pm. So she is home bothering my daughter again. But daughter and her both have problems. I am between 2 crazy people. Keep texting me complaining about each other. I have been at work out of town but have to drive back tonight. Trying to decide if i should go home or hole up in a nearby motel again.

Another alternative is to go see atty regarding guardianship again. But since she was just in the hosp....?

She has appointment with Dr from Coleman organization next Tuesday. But no control of her actually going. Or taking her pills.

Help! I believe my wife has delusional disorder. All these posts are like reading a diary of my life for the past year. We have three kids. I am desperate for help! I am living alone now after she accused me of poisoning her. She thinks I have a baby on the way from a girlfriend. The phone she has , she says she gets death threats on. I think her illness is driving me crazy! Can someone out there who is going thru this with a spouse please talk me thru this?