Could my mom be suffering from a mild case of NPD?

I read about narcissism, and never really before made the connection to my mom. I have thought she might be borderline, or maybe just ADHD, but never really a narcissist until some pointers felt like they rang extremely true on her. But there's also many of the most classical signs about narcissism that I don't think she entirely fits.

So to explain my mom. First of all, she never had a good relationship with her own mother, she describes her own mom as a narcissist, and from what she said, she was really the textbook kind with grandiose thoughts of herself etc.

The narcissistic traits I've endured with her that make me question this thing are the following:

- My mom has an innate need to always be the victim. She will twist any situation, never take blame, and always find a way to say everyone is mistreating her. She's also VERY quick to point out this behavior in other's, and trashtalk them for it.
- My mom has throughout my life manipulated me into doing things I don't want to do. When I was 11 or 12, she would tell me if I "don't go to piano lessons, I will end up regretting it for the rest of my life" so I took piano lessons. I had no interest in learning the piano, I only did it to please her. And she'd get absolutely furious if I didn't play the amount of time she decided was needed, not even the piano teacher. This kind of gaslighting is very typical and common with my mom, and she has ruined many, mostly small, life choices for me using this tactic.
- My mom has always been extremely controlling. I wasn't allowed to do anything that didn't fit her schedule at her time, when I was a kid.
- My mom would always praise her exhusband in front of my dad (at the time current partner) and my dad's family. Everyone was uncomfortable around her doing so, my dad however is extremely 'emotionally mature' and always dismissed this behavior as childish and didn't respond to it.
- My mom often belittles and talks trash about other people, my siblings, her husband. (which ironically is the exhusband she would previously always praise)
- My mom is completely unable to take criticism. She'll throw tantrums, silent treat me or blame shift on to me if I ever point out her hypocrisy or flaws.
- My mom is "never wrong". She has no hesitance calling me stupid etc. if my ideas and thoughts don't align with hers, it can be something subjective pertaining to a pretty wall color.
- My mom will occasionally empathize how she's such a "moral person", how she "never lies" and she "does so much for so many people".
- A controlling incident with my mom, was for instance as a kid she would force me to drink milk every morning, even though I gagged and really didn't like it. Her reasoning being I would get scurvy if I didn't get calcium.
- Growing up, her mood was always very unpredictable and she'd explode when angry.
- She lashes out from almost nothing. If I don't get out of the car fast enough she will angrily yell at me to hurry up, and heartily laugh that I should stop being so slow in life in general.
- If I claimed I suspect she'd be suffering from NPD, I know she'd be having a tantrum, either not speaking to me for weeks, yelling at me and belittling me, probably enhance all the nice things she does for me, and how could I EVER assume such a thing, no curiosity as to why.
- She would always exclaim how if I didn't comply with her abusive behavior or her berating me, I could find somewhere else to live. She'd often threatening me with pawning me off at an orphanage.
- She very rarely would get physical and lash out by hitting me in frustration. This could be if I hadn't done homework for a while for instance.

Reasons I would assume my mom ISN'T a narcissist:

- My own mom will talk herself down more often, rather than talking herself up. She only talks herself up ever when she's arrogant about being right on for instance a wall color's prettiness.
- My mom is extremely hardworking. She was a nurse and would often take extra hours to compensate for her more "selfish" colleagues who wanted/needed christmas off. When suggesting a more sustainable path to money and a good life, she'd always assert how she as a moral person would need to do it, since her colleagues don't stand up to help when needed, and elderly couldn't just be alone. My mom will take off christmas or new years eve, to ensure the elderly she cared for was not alone.
- My mom respects most boundaries she's decided are morally correct, like she'd never open a diary because she thinks that is private and it would be rude. She has some pretty fair and just assessments of which boundaries not to be exceeded. She'll occasionally make exceptions she sees fit though, i.e. she won't throw out other people's stuff without their permissions, but she'll justify it anyway if she "decides it's gross" or some other wack reason. It's very rare she does this, though, she's usually good with boundaries.
- My mom is actually extremely helpful, if I ever call her to help with something she'll make time to come do it.
- My mom has an EXTREMELY hard time saying no in many cases, and will neglect her own needs to make others happy (feels very opposite narcissism)
- As controlling and belittling as my mom is, I believe deep down she has very good intentions, and just wants to "save me from myself".
- I can count a handful times in my life where my mom took accountability and apologized for things, and realized she was in the wrong. It's not entirely impossible for her.

Then there's things about her, which I simply don't know talks in favor or the opposite.
- She refuses to get therapy. Not because she's "too good for it" she just claims it's "too late for her", or that she has other means of helping herself. In relation to my brother, who is extremely overweight, I suggested she'd go to therapy and she emphasized "How no therapy would help the fact her son is eating himself into an early grave". Ironically, said brother also refuses therapy. I don't know why he rejects it, but she has offered paying it for him.
- My brother being extremely overweight, my mom is obviously concerned and scared for him. However she often show's this "concern" by make passive aggressive remarks how he's a lost cause, he needs to slow down his eating, refusing to give him certain amounts of food he requests etc., or she'll just let him, bottle it up, and then talk badly about him behind his back.

I am on speaking terms with my mom, but she's draining me a lot, quite often. I have to save up mental energy to endure her. I am thankfully not a child nor living with her anymore. For the longest time I believed my halfsiblings were honestly just her pawns, because my oldest sister for instance would often take her side. She has some clear similarities to my mom, but she's also very different in some ways.
We're many years apart, my siblings and I, so have never been super close growing up. I did learn that my mom has once threatened to cut contact with my sister, but many years ago. It's never super apparent, as they seem very in "tune" quite often, I always wondered how my siblings seem so okay with having grown up with a mom treating us like this, but as I am 10 years younger than the youngest, I have no clue how they navigated it together. When pointing out her behavior to my siblings they all will defend her saying stuff like "She was a single mom raising 4 kids, she had it hard" etc., showing a lot of sympathy for her that I personally don't have, unfortunately. (All kids were by choice)

I know you can't sit here and diagnose my mom, but your thoughts will be the closest I'll get to anything like it, seeing as she's unwilling to go to therapy. So my question is, if any of this resonates, raises concerns or thoughts for anyone, do you relate to it, and if so, how would one navigate it? I hold a lot of resentment for my mom as she has never apologized for how badly she's treated me and how damaged I am due to her, and I know I will never get anything close to an apology from her as that would mean take accountability, and that would go against her worldview that everyone else (especially me) is the problem.