Trapped with Narcissistic Mother. no way out.

My mom is an abusive narcissist. There are many things she has done to me over the years which have left me horrified, fearful, trapped, and lonely.

My mom has done a lot of different things to me that I do NOT condone but I have not been able to combat in any way because she prevents me from setting boundaries to protect myself.

The list is long but she has smothered me, been extremely critical of me when I make mistakes, she is negative all the time, won’t let me see other people without her approval, rages and gets unusually angry at trivial things, In the past, she has called me nasty and rude when I am not, she wants me to be positive constantly and never negative, she smothers me to the point where it is stifling and for this reason, I have not been able to function well as an independent adult. She controls me by preventing me from seeing friends and family, and telling me that I cannot get a full time or other better paid position, she is critical and talks badly about myself and other people, and she has not taught me how to drive adequately. She yells at me for mistakes and she is an extremely paranoid person, being practically afraid of everything.

She does admit she has a problem which is very interesting but it seems manipulative and she doesn’t do much about it.

I have two therapists. One knows nothing of what I’m going through, the other immediately sympathized and said he was sorry I experienced it and we’d work on it IMMEDIATELY when we have our appointment later this week, so my gut feeling is the second therapist is a good one.

I am trapped financially and in a surveillance type way in my own apartment. Everything is locked up and if I get another job that pays more my mom will find any excuse in the book to prevent me from getting it as she says my benefits won’t remain if I do. If I go NC she will rage to the point the police will likely be called.

I reviewed a voicemail from her last year that stated that she was gonna call the police because I left my phone off by accident, and she thinks you can get covid just by stepping outside the front door. She went on a tirade last week because I was accidentally too close to the garbage man. She’s also a pathological liar and I was supposedly diagnosed with autism but I don’t believe I have it and I think I have CPTSD which closely resembles autism. At the time I was diagnosed many years ago, CPTSD wasn’t a commonly diagnosed illness.

I live on my own but am stalked and watched by cameras in my apartment. I’m under surveillance all the time. She also tells me to lie to my dad about everything because she worries he will cut off her alimony and child support and she is a support worker for me due to covid but I feel very uncomfortable with her in this role.

Getting a girlfriend would be difficult for me because she would rage as I would take her side over my moms most likely. She always encourages me to get a girlfriend but I think it’s manipulative.

I have few friends and little family who could help so I’m trapped. I want to survive this and get out on the other side. Due to her abuse I’m not even allowed to have a life.

She can be very charming and sweet and even fake empathy but it doesn’t last.