Well that was weird.

Long story short (yes, this is the short version).

After a tumultuous 3 years of living together my ex-girlfriend has taken things beyond all recognition.

She has a history of substance abuse. Taking some form of stimulant daily - usually discreetly and after I left for work - we've argued a lot about it.

Jealousy and suspicion in abundance.

We've broken up a few times and each time, within 2 days she's been and slept with her ex but I didn't find out until much later.

She's booked holidays knowing I had work commitments and them accused me of letting her go alone.

I haven't seen my family at Xmas for a few years because she thinks they hate her and I don't go to friends parties because she stopped coming and then accused me of cheating every time I went alone.

Having been through various substances over the year she'd recently been taking Modafinil and then decided to up the anti and combine it with Ritalin bought online...

Almost out of the blue she decided she'd pieced together 'evidence' and had 'recordings' which proved I'd been having an affair with her daughter while all living under the same roof and while we were all in the house. It's not a big house. Some of the recordings were when either I or her daughter weren't even in the house.

Nobody believes her because it's absurd and did not happen so she's claiming to be all alone in all this and I've turned everyone against her.

She tried convincing her daughters boyfriend by giving him some recordings to listen to which were nothing more than white noise and background clattering/moving about.

She kicked me out - we'd broken up a few times over the previous year so I didn't have much stuff there (her house) - and she kicked her daughter out.

Then she decided to deal with all this she would go to Amsterdam.

She went with her son who went along to keep an eye on her and she sat in the hotel room for a week, just listening and editing the 'recordings'. Her son got fed up and came back.

She called me a few days later to say she'd met a man who was going to help her fix her computer which had started playing up and she left the hotel, went to his house in Amsterdam, had 2 days of sex and drugs, freaked out and panicked, 'feared for her life' and yet he gave her a lift back to the hotel the next morning after having a shower - so not much risk there...??

She then came back to the UK for 2 days, got an IT person to sort her computer, decided her house was too messy and the neighbours were all two-faced so she went back to Amsterdam.

She's staying in the Park Plaza, paying for it all on credit cards, now claiming her computer is still not working so she isn't doing any work (which she planned to do) and her accounting business is spiralling the drain.

She's saying she's never coming back to the UK (too many people are 'talking' now), she wants to sell her house, pay off her cards and spend her life working remotely...

Her mother gifted her £15k deposit and she's not planning to give it back because mum hasn't been supportive enough through this.

If she sells her house her daughter will have to stay with her boyfriend or grandmother, her son will be in Uni accommodation and enter his final and most important year with his mother not around anymore and after that he'll have to either stay with nan or move away to stay with his dad.

Her computer is still not working and now she is claiming she has evidence to suggest it was me tampering with her computer and her phone!!

I think the drugs lead to a genuine delusion, reinforced by jealousy and suspicion - but now shes abroad and not taking them, and cycling and eating better - I think she is now just maintaining the story because she is afraid everyone will think she's crazy - she's hinted as much.

I also think some of the delusion is embellished - I understand that's what Narcissists do.

Is her computer really not working or is it all part of trying to shift the blame so she doesn't have to take responsibility for this devastating situation?

This is what I am struggling with - is she actually still fully delusional or has this now become simply maintaining the story?

She needs help either way but does she need it urgently to get her back to the UK and in treatment or is she actually more lucid than she's letting on and is just formulating plans to absolve herself and come back of her own accord...!!!???!

Do I just let her get on with it or do I support her family in trying to get her help!? - Which, is nigh on impossible to do anyway because people with mental health issues have to seek help themselves and that's not going to happen nay time soon....

I am also struggling to understand why she still calls me but not any of her family and is asking for my help with work etc. when she believe I am the cause of all the problems! - Is this just how faulty thinking works??

So this is me, getting it of my chest and interested to hear what other people think.

Thank you.

hello and welcome to PF!

Just so you know, I've moved your post into the Significant Others forum, where I think it will do the most good in getting responses from a variety of viewpoints...

It sounds as if there's a lot of something going on. Hopefully she'll come back and let you get her some help!

Ah reading the tea leaves that an out of control person presents. I know how it feels.

Please don't read too much into the current configuration of the triangulation...her family is "out", you are "in", that can change in an instant. It's not rational.

Those drugs cause paranoia, anger, and extreme attention to irrelevant details.

> is she actually still fully delusional or has this now become simply maintaining the story?

I'm sensitive to your desire to know. This says your'e still emotionally involved with her. That's why it's good you share this with outsiders...I mean, we can read this and say... well, OP has nothing good to gain from this $#%^storm.

We don't know:

- Whether her Computer is working

- Whether, at any given moment, she believes the delusions

Emphasize the good things in your life.

You can recommend therapy and/or drug treatment and you'll have done your due diligence. Those would be good things for her to do, immediately, yet she also needs to start a life-long program of changing the course of behavior and there's not quick fix here realistically ... you realize that already, right?

- You can point out (her experience) that these drugs cause psychosis and 5 or more episodes of Psychosis exponentially increase her chances of developing schizophrenia (which is not an easily reversed condition once it's developed)

Staying over-involved might not be a good choice.

EDIT: Maybe I'm reading too much into "Ex" ...is this someone you anticipate staying involved with, living with, cancelling xmas for, etc., if ever she returns?

What's so very, very, hard for caretakers is to take care of themselves. I hope you are nurturing yourself.

Curious to see what others have to say, this was just my gut reaction.

No professional therapist will diagnose a patient who has substance abuse problems, whether prescription or otherwise. Some substances can cause psychotic states or alter a person's personality. At this point you still don't know for certain that your ex is off the drugs or not. Some Rx drugs can be bought online from another country and abusers are very good at hiding their addiction. She needs to go into rehab first, if family can persuade her to do so. Sobriety often sees a person's own personality return. Only until then can a therapist determine a diagnosis for a disorder or not, if she seriously wants therapy.

"I am also struggling to understand why she still calls me but not any of her family and is asking for my help with work etc. when she believe I am the cause of all the problems! - Is this just how faulty thinking works??"

Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom unfortunately before a person realizes she needs help.

You mention she's an ex, so my question to you is, why are you still involved in her life? It's understandable that you still care about her, but her family may have to be the ones to do some kind of intervention and you can support the family's decision, if you wish. You've been "rescuing" her for some time already and it's an emotionally draining experience, as you've already indicated. No amount of love will solve all her problems. As shimtie suggests, please take care of yourself.