My Experience dating a BPD manic-depressive. The beginning

I assume that when most men who are unfamiliar with BPD, but happen to be dating a woman affected by it, first discover an explanation of the disease and it's effects on relationships they are dumbfounded as I was. It is literally like reading a play by play of the whole of their relationship with the woman in question. The initial bliss of feeling that you have finally met the woman of your dreams. Beautiful, unbelievably attentive to your every need. Constantly building up your ego by telling you how amazing you are.... And the sex. I am not sure if this is the norm but I have never had a woman match and exceed my drive and desire in the bedroom. You feel like a golden god. On cloud nine, feeling that finally that old adage of "the one for you" has finally come to fruition. Then, insidiously and nagging, a few red flags begin to appear. The relationship she was in prior to being with you seemed from outside appearances on social media and the like to be progressive fine. A recent vacation and Instagram photos of them lovingly embraced, with taglines like #Forever #Lovehim. All of a sudden he is out of the picture comepletely. The explanation of course is that no one saw that he was an emotionally abusive tyrant. Who was laughably unsatisfactory in lovemaking and may or may not have been psysically abusive. Well he's lucky he's not around, as a matter of fact I might kick his ass if I see him around for treating my Queen that way(Makes sense right). Also there is the fact that since you've started dating you have spent every waking moment either together, or in contact somehow. Be it through texting, Facebook, or even several calls throughout the day. You are fine with the amount of time spent, not only does she make you feel like God's gift to woman, but you cannot seem to keep your clothes on longer than a few minutes once the opportunity arises. Fine by me you say, I hit the Jackpot with this one. However, when she sleeps over (every night it seems) she is awakened by terrible nightmares, only consolable by you. You see, something happened to her.... She's just not ready to talk about that yet. You've only just started dating ya know. In my experience, my GF had just picked up her 9 month sobriety chip from Narcotics Anonymous. She was a pillar of the sober community, chairing meetings, even starting a non-profit for those still struggling with active addiction. I myself had my own struggles with opiate addiction and actually dealt drugs to support my habit and lifestyle. She was going to help me get clean, that way I could be as happy as she was. A few weeks go by and we are now fully in love. Of course there was detractors and "haters" who didn't want to see us together. Jealous of our happiness is all. Then it comes out. Maybe her 9 month chip was a bit fraudulent. She may have gotten high once or twice. It doesn't matter though, she is over being in rooms full of judgemental boorish people who are socially retarded from not ever interacting with people without being under the effects of illicit substances. This is where our first real point of contention begins. I will not let her throw away all she has worked for. Her budding relationships with her estranged children, steady job in the hospitality industry, not to mention the fact that she happens to be living in a "Sober Living" house via court order. She has been breezing through her first year of intensive drug court and probation for drug related offenses in her past. Some of which were felonies. She has a valid point that it isn't fair that I can get high and she can't. Even though I never use in her presence, it is counter-productive and inconsiderate of me. The plan is to get all my ducks in a row to detox and take care of some outstanding warrants I had accumulated the past year, she would be with me every step of the way. When it's all over we will be happy and sober. That will show all those busy bodies in the program who are trying to tear our relationship down. Then the unthinkable happens. While out of town for a night meeting with some associates my business partner, his GF and I are pulled over. Suddenly my outstanding warrants are secondary to the drugs, paraphenalia and loaded .357 under my seat. Next stop is the local jail for me, while being transported instead of thinking of the consequences going to prison will have on my life, all I can think about is being taken away from my Lover. After all, in my line of work jail-time is par for the course. Occasionally you have to give a few months of your life to the grey bar motel. This time was different however. I was completely distressed. No way could I be taken away from this woman. Not my one true love, at what has to be the most pivotal juncture in our relationship. Apparently she felt the same way. $1,600 to a bondsman and 48 hours later I was back on the street having a tearful reunion with my woman. Who has the new title of savior. You see, she couldn't bear to be away from me. Not when things were just starting to fall into place for us. One thing though, while I was incarcerated she fell off the wagon. There it is. All bets are off and our Bonnie and Clyde story can begin in earnest.

Hey WhiteKnight23,

Your 'how it all began' is the classic how it begins story. We've read it here over and over, and I've been through it myself.

But I do want to warn you, something you know intellectually, but may not really know until lived...

You're already dealing with legal difficulties. What is concerning is that she may also be one of those who will drive your self-esteem into the ground in a ways that you won't believe until it happens. And, feel empowered, even take twisted pleasure in seeing you fail, perhaps even deeper legal trouble. And and, if it comes down to your word versus hers, just as your username implies (and your story revealed), other males will be absolutely sure you are at fault, she is a helpless damsel in distress.

Okay I do understand that initial idealization is like a drug. Addictive. What we guys won't do to feel like that, even if it's just being doled out here and there. But almost nobody really believes how badly these relationships can end up until it has been experienced.

Please be careful.