GET HPD EX BACK AFTER DEVALUATION

My ex bf always displayed the classic histrionic personality traits but it wasn’t until he broke up with me for really no reason that I realized there was more to him than I originally thought. Now that I recall, he kept me separate from his family and friends, he was always secretive with his phone, and I would often discover he was speaking badly of me to his friends (who were almost always girls ). He was very manipulative and hot and cold with his love for me. A HUGE attention seeker who was easily influenced and would make me feel bad if we weren’t having sex multiple times a day (one of his complaints was that I wasn’t sexual enough even though we had sex once a day or every other day).

He was avoiding me and finally when I showed up at his house he was teary eyed and said he needed to work on himself and couldn’t give me what I needed. When I took that as I breakup and changed my Facebook to single he cried to my friend that that’s not what he wanted. He wanted to remain friends and proceeded to text me everyday about his problems and frustrations (while also adding his ex gf back on Facebook who he claimed was horrible and cheated on him). He only speaks to my friend who is a girl about how he misses me and is confused why I ended the relationship. So I started ignoring him and after a couple days he said this would be his last text and he hopes I do well in life and find someone better. So I texted back and said I think it’s best we don’t talk, we both need to live our lives and I have a lot going on with school right now, and told him I wish him well and hope he discovers what he needs.

So my question is this: When is it really over when dating someone with HPD? Will ignoring him and sending that last text make him want me more or try to get me back? He was very back and forth with the breakup and I kind of made he decision for him because he was so wishy washy. It seems he can’t handle that my parents now think lower of him and can’t handle how much he sabotaged a perfect relationship. He said he dated me too soon after his ex and needs time to himself but wants to remain friends and see what happens. Whatever that means. I almost think that once he saw it had been 2 years he didn’t want to take it further. He mentioned to me 2 weeks before that his parents loved me and that I was the first girl they liked, he also mentioned how his dad joked he would kill him if he messed it up. I still love him and of course it’d feel great if he revalued me.

I just want to understand from someone who has HPD, what makes you want to get back with someone you dated?

Hey Capriquarian7,

I've linked your post to the Significant Other, Family & Friends forum, increasing your odds of receiving a reply.

xdude - moderator

This is an old thread but I'll do you a favour and kindly reply to your post. Obviously I'm not him so I don't know what he wanted from you in the first place. Warning! I am NOT a native English speaker, so my post may annoy and offend you inadvertently.

When is it really over when dating someone with HPD?

To me it's never really over. I grow bored easily but that doesn't mean it's over. I've got strong npd and bpd traits and some aspd traits though. Generally speaking, when I make the decision to devalue my SO and walk away, it depends very much on the reaction of my SO what happens next.

Will ignoring him and sending that last text make him want me more or try to get me back?

Ignoring him makes him want you more if he values you, if he has already devalued you he simply doesn't care what you do. I personally can't stand codependency. Codependent behaviour sickens me to my very core. Anyways, I know many codependents and we get along when they don't cling to me.

I just want to understand from someone who has HPD, what makes you want to get back with someone you dated?

I need to highly value that person.