Did I meet another one?

Hello,

I will apologize in advance for this being long.

I was in a " relationship" a few years back, with a man whom I think may have had narcissitic tendencies. Moved incredibly fast, everyone woman he meets is " perfect" for him, had women believing they were his soul mates and so on....he was awful to me in many ways, but still had all the time in the world provided there wasn't another woman on the go...after a year of me losing my mind, he told me he loved me, why can't you feel that...the speech continued on only to tell me three days later he had met someone he was going to have a serious relationship with and I never heard from him again.

I thought that maybe I was too needy and let me preface this with the fact that I am a diagnosed BPDer, so it's a valid concern.

I met another man three years ago. This started off as a casual relationship, and by the end, he was living in my home, I was financially supporting him. He would get upset with me and not tell me why just disappear for days. He would critisize things I did, right down to the groceries I was buying with my money. I ended up pregnant accidentally so he eventually just stopped speaking to me completely a week before my birthday this summer....we ran into each other a few weeks ago, he came over, we slept together, made plans for an evening that weekend, when I called him ( after he lied about being called away for work) to see if we were still getting together, he said " no" and hung up.

These are just very loose details. It is hard for me to understand if I get discarded or just finally run people into the ground. I do know my behaviours only come out with certain people, and I do know for certain the first man has a problem. The vile speaks of his ex wife, every woman being declared his soul mate and so on...

The problem is, all of these men, and the next one I'm going to mention, always tell ME they don't want a relationship with me. They DO woo me at first, but then insist they don't want to be with me while spending time with me, sleeping with me, telling me their problems. Always to turn around and meet "their soulmates" or someone they are crazy about.

So there is no love bombing per say.

I recently met a man...for the first month we saw or spoke to each other every day. I know this was too much, and I felt uncomfortable with it, but I was caught up as well. I never got the chance to discuss it with him, as there was a weekend I got too drunk, got fed up with all the women ( twice exes showed up his house looking for him, one upset that I was there, one because he had made plans and didn't show) and he had a constant fuel of them in his phone. The other strange thing was he handed over his phone to me on the second date. I have no idea why, but I didn't handle it well, I should have just said " no thank you"...but he always let me see everything in it and I saw many things that would have given anyone in a new dating situation pause. Other women getting upset over non answers, vile texts from a recent live in ex that he always forgave ( including out right lies) and so on. There were also fake facebook accounts flying around. This man is currently going through bankruptcy and a custody case. These are all people in their fourties btw. He speaks very lowly of the mother of his children.

However! he speaks highly of his ex post marriage, despite her behaviours ( and I mean just vile texts and boundaries being crossed all the time, excessive calling and screaming, walking into his house and so on)....

so we stopped " dating" however, he had told me he didn't want a relationship with me, even though we were seeing each other constantly and sleeping together. After that period ended, we still spoke every day, and saw each other most days, we would hold hands and go for drives, he was helping me with a move, he would offer to pick me up from work and other things. We slept together once during that period, and while I initiated it, he told me how awful it made him feel afterwards.

Cue one day I received a text that said " that's no way to start a relationship, but sure we can do dinner I know just the place". So. He had met someone. And within ten days she had met his children, celebrated their birthdays and his with them just the four of them, and because of his bankruptcy, lent him a car that he has full disposable to.

I got upset. My rational mind tells me I can't be upset because he DID tell me he didn't want to date me. I did though. I got very upset. I am very ashamed.

I did get needy and started reaching out to him wanting to talk to him and so on. That was the BPD kicking in. That went on for about a week and I could tell he was irritated, but still coming over and talking on the phone. Then he just stopped taking my calls.

I got upset and said some rude things. He responded with the fact that he is intelligent enough to know what he is doing introducing his children immediately, that he didn't know his life was missing someone like his new partner, and gave a list of flings that he has had in the past 6 months and said " they are all okay and happy for me and don't lecture me. I'm close friends with all of them ". He also said that his new partner is aware of everything and it was liberating to be able to be honest with her and not be judged. Keep in mind, I heard it all as well and only got upset when she started showing up at the house, lying about my sexual past, the screaming phone calls and so on.

He does insists all the time that all of his flings and exes are friends of his and only I am the one who has caused problems.

So, aside from his ex wife, he doesn't do any smearing. Although...he does list off all the behaiours of his live in ex that are atrocious and then turn around and say he wants to be friends with her.

I don't know..is this ANOTHER case of me meeting a narcissist? or is this genuinely a nice man who is just trying to date and then happened to come across me and I really am that awful that everyone else is " worthy" enough of friendship and I am just that awful?