Does grey rock method work for a HPD girl?

I’m too scared to just block her on FB and SC. Idk why because I know deep down I don’t owe anyone anything but at the same time I feel like it’s just rude to block someone. I told my friends about my situation with this girl and how I want to end things. Idk what I have between me and her btw but I’ll get into that later. So yeah my friends Mostly think that it’s okay if I end things but I should have a talk first b/c it’s really rude to just ghost someone out of no where. And I do agree but the advice that I see on here is NO CONTACT is the only way I can win in this situation if she is indeed HPD. And nothing good will come out of me trying to call her out on her BS. Alright so I’m going to give reasons why I think my ex female friend might have HPD.
- love bombing on the second date
- she would always kiss me in public constantly and put her hands down my pants in public places but whenever I tried to get her to come to my place afterward for sex she would always make an excuse not to come. Again, she doesn’t owe me anything but I don’t get why she would tease tf out of me and then just change her mind. Like she would literally say the words “I wanna f$#ck you so bad” but whenever It came down to actually doing it there was always an excuse. For the longest time I thought I was messing it up..
- like 2 or 3 times whenever we would make out , she would randomly stop and ask me if she could hug me, I would say yes and then she would give me the tightest most uncomfortable hug in the world.. maybe I’m overthinking things but could that be a psychological thing?
- Fan Club.. this aspect of HPD really had me so surprised. I don’t wanna get into details as to what one of her side hustles is b/c I’m lowkey afraid she might be on this website. But she makes BS life coaching videos online and basically most of her subscribers are guys that are really into her because of her looksZ she is funny tho I’ll give her that. So yeah her fan club is strong.
- she has no female friends. I don’t wanna sound sexist but I find it weird when a girl has no female friends, it’s not like she’s a tom boy. She’s a really attractive girl. All her friends are guys that she’s ejther slept with or guys she’s just stringing along.
- she’s told me so many wild stories about her male fan club members. And she’s alwahs the victim in every story.
- I don’t know if this counts but I found this really odd. We were having a convo on FB and I end up telling her how my one thousand dollar item got stolen and she just ignores me the whole night. Doesn’t respond after that. A couple hours later she posts a picture on Snapchat of a fan club member holding that exact same item. That defiantly wasn’t a coincidentace lol I was so damn pissed off. Not saying she stole the time. We both had that item. I just don’t get why she would do that lol
- when we went out on a movie date a while back, she had something large inside her bag, I asked what it was. She ended up showing me.. it was sex toys. Handcuffs and a whip. At the time I didn’t really think about it. But now I’m pretty sure After our date another fan club member got to use them on her. When I asked her who those were for she quickly told me that it was for a female friend lol apparently it was a birthday gift for her..
- she randomly texted me one night that “we should just be friends” I was so confused and hurt because literally a week before she would kiss me in public and make it seem like everything was cool between us. But yeah I just replied back “ok np” and Went NC for like 2 weeks but I ended up seeing her at a party and she just randomly kisses me?? Wtf?? I didn’t say anything becuae we were in a loud environment but yeah ofc nothing happened after the kiss.

Anyways, I’m sorry for the long all over the place post. Idk if this girl has HPD but regardless if she does or not I know I need to stay away from her. So yeah my questions are 1. Do you think she has HPD?
2.does grey rock method work on girls with hpd? (I’m sorry if this is an offensive question)
3. A part of me wants to just ask her straight up if she is aware of the term HPD. And tell her in a polite way I think she has it.But that might be a bad idea..?
If you read this far thank you and I hope you have a good day.

I don't understand to you
You had sex with her or what?
Because you speak about love bombing honeymoon etc like if you are a couple.
The main trouble with HPD is in the intimacy
I don´t understand what is your trouble with her.
That she is very sympathic with you but not ###$ ?
Or what?

Hey Ray,

Happy Thanksgiving! (if you celebrate)

Before you do anything, contact her, grey rock, ghost or go NC, it is important to try and step back from the whole situation and really be clear on your motivations. Be really honest with yourself. What is it that you really want.

Are you;

Upset that she has sex with other guys but not you? And why not you?

Intrigued by her to the extent you have become captured by her emotionally?

Trying to prove something to yourself? HPD people have a way of getting you to do things , and change, so that the person with HPD chooses or notices you again. Their abrupt change towards a person causes that person to want to recapture the attention. Goes to ego, pride and self -esteem.

Want to have a relationship with her? So, you want to go to her, tell her she has HPD and then see if she will appreciate that, be angry with that or look to you to help her?


For what it is worth to you, she already has what she wanted from you. Her over the top sexual innuendo has you constantly thinking about her and wanting to reconnect with her. This is the capture, she has you thinking of ways to get to her. This means she won. She has her self esteem inflated and she got over on you through her sexual advances then pulling back. Perhaps that is your vulnerable spot.

No one is qualified to go up to any person and tell them they have a PD or any issue really. Of course, your perceptions have validity. But, doing that is really a violation of others peoples boundaries. The way she lives her life is her choice. No one else's. This does not mean you need to be in proximity, but how she lives is really her call alone.

And, again, coming back to the motivation angle, do you really want to help her by telling her she is HPD or do you really want to be with her?

Sorry for the late response guys, I thought I would get some type of notification when someone commented on my post. I’m new to this website so sorry about that. I guess I just have to go to my posts to check? All cool.

JoseMaria wrote:I don't understand to you
You had sex with her or what?
Because you speak about love bombing honeymoon etc like if you are a couple.
The main trouble with HPD is in the intimacy
I don´t understand what is your trouble with her.
That she is very sympathic with you but not ###$ ?
Or what?

Sorry for the confusion, I was just so pissed off that day and decided to vent lol to answer your question no we did not have sex but we pretty much did everything else.. even in public places. After spending so much time reading all the really insightful posts on here I’m happy we didn’t have sex. It’s makes the NC process much easier. And my trouble was just trying to understand why she was does the things that she does and if it was conscious or not. And what exactly does she get out of doing these things..

Hey Mark, thanksgiving was actually a month ago where I’m @ but thank you! And I hope your thanksgiving was good.
To answer your question yeah I was upset, the cat and mouse games were super annoying. I’ve only known her for about 3-4 months. The first 2 months were during the summer time and she would CONSTANTLY reach out to me and try to make plans for us to be together. Always flirting. Telling me how much she loved me etc. I thought it was all real but after spending sooo much time reading almost everything related to HPD on this website I’m sure I was nothing but supply for her.. BTW your very first post on here about 2 year ago is filled with GEMS. That post answered a lot of my questions that I had about my situation.

And your right about me being Intrigued. Everything your saying makes complete sense. Idk why I said that about telling her she has HPD. What I meant to say was that I wanted to get some type of apology from her for her behaviour towards me. And maybe try to somehow let her know that I know what she has done to me? But From what I’ve read on here that’ll never happen and I should just stay NC.

Oh and I read something the other day on here that really made me think.. “staying friends with and HPD means staying in the fan club” I just assumed I was not considered a fan club member since I got devalued. We still do message tho not as much.

Hi Ray,

What I wrote to you above does not mean she is in the "right" to do this to you. Not at all. Teasing, playing games, manipulating, etc is not fair to anyone, if not sincere. Regardless of the reason. It may be a sad thing that she has a disorder, and HPD at that, but this wrong does not mean that other wrongs are "ok." And that it is right to play with people's emotions.

As far as you are concerned, I think it is perfectly natural to look at how she was behaving towards you and then take a "bite of the apple' and say, ok, this girl is interested. So why not? I think most guys would.

Where I urge caution is seeing what it is you really want out of this situation. If she is doing this to you, she is more than likely doing this to other guys as well. Leading them on, and then possibly distancing herself. So, it is a real red flag, and major trouble to boot. If it were casual sex between two consenting adults ok, but who knows what you might be pulled into. There may be other guys out there who are trying to connect with her as well. Who feel they were promised something too.

As far as fan clubs go...many guys who have been in that position did not even realize they were in that position. Some pwPD are very good at compartmentalizing and keeping person A from ever knowing about person B. Each guy thinking he has a shot, and not realizing it is all a game.

But it is a game of survival for someone who may have HPD. They need the emotional support, the self esteem boost and people to go to when trouble starts. It is how they navigate the world. If you know this and want to be a part of it. So be it. No real harm if you can see it for what it is. Everyone is different and what needs they have from a social circle is their business.

Apologies will not come. Because you are asking someone to control what they really can not control. And understand what they themselves do not understand. The why's. This is something that many get stuck on. Why? It is hard to move on without that closure. However, many people who have a disorder are not even aware of how they are acting or behaving. Something about the disorder prevents insight into behavior. So you are basically asking for something that in many ways is just not possible.

This is why the only thing to do is to move on if this has a negative affect on you. It is all you can control anyway.

RayAllen wrote:Sorry for the late response guys, I thought I would get some type of notification when someone commented on my post. I’m new to this website so sorry about that. I guess I just have to go to my posts to check? All cool.

JoseMaria wrote:I don't understand to you
You had sex with her or what?
Because you speak about love bombing honeymoon etc like if you are a couple.
The main trouble with HPD is in the intimacy
I don´t understand what is your trouble with her.
That she is very sympathic with you but not ###$ ?
Or what?

Sorry for the confusion, I was just so pissed off that day and decided to vent lol to answer your question no we did not have sex but we pretty much did everything else.. even in public places. After spending so much time reading all the really insightful posts on here I’m happy we didn’t have sex. It’s makes the NC process much easier. And my trouble was just trying to understand why she was does the things that she does and if it was conscious or not. And what exactly does she get out of doing these things..

Take it easy.
You are not devlued.
Is the typical hysterical push/pull of histrionic.
If you want ###$ her you can do.
But you know what wait after reading this forums.

-- Mon Nov 27, 2017 4:49 pm --

About fan's club.
Seriously, you could know where are you?
Or the pwHPD could know it even?
The change of emotions are so abrupt and quickly that one day you may be the main supply and the other you may be in the outer circle or whatever.

RayAllen,

I understand your frustration as I was under a similar situation as you. Someone I knew for a couple of months, she's highly flirtatious, public kissing, letting me grab her breast in public, very passionate hugs, lots of body touching, massaging me with her boobs in public, and very suggestive text as if she was wanting someone more other than friendship. Then when you want to take her up on her actions, she backs away and wants to be friends. Then there is repeated push-pull with these actions.

You may be going through what I went through, which is, you considered this person as a "friend" of some sort and you don't want to believe that your friend is playing games with you. Well, a women with HPD, whether they are doing it consciously or not, are being highly seductive to get validation and positive reinforcement from men. It is to stroke their ego, however once they know you are interested, they are done with you. They got you to express your interest, the game/chase/seduction is over, and their attitude will change. They got their validation and they move on.

In my situation, she was the one that actually blocked me on FB, basically I no longer was value to her as she found a primary source. Interestingly, I learned, after the fact, that while she was heavily flirting with me, she was trying to break up a friend of mine's relationship with his girlfriend by offering to sleep with him (she dropped her panties in the middle of the street and said this could be his..pointing to her butt). She also tried to heavily flirt with two other single friend of mine, all the while while she's been "dating" this main source. She was simply looking for all kinds of validation and fan club members. I also learned from the guys she previously was in a relationship with that she was seeing other guys while in a relationship with him. I am not sure if he knew during or after their relation.

It takes a while to get over their charm, they say, act, and feel in a way that they know will attract you. That is their expertise. You are best to be NC or grey rock. Regardless of official/clinical diagnosis of this girl as HPD or not, do you want to be treated with this constant push-and-pull of your emotions? Is she the only girl around that you want a relationship with? There are plenty of other women who can give you more and better attention. Even if you are in a relationship with her, she'll probably try to flirt with other guys. I read on another post something that was very insightful....sometimes mental cheating is similar to physical cheating for a HPD. In other words, sexual flirting without sex still allows them to get validation. Sex is just a means to that validation but not to every HPD woman.

For your own sanity, NC, block her on FB, or ghost....you are better off than to try any friendship/relationship with her. Any sort of logical discussion with her will be futile as she will blame you for misunderstanding her actions or you are over-reacting.

DealHist says:

"In my situation, she was the one that actually blocked me on FB, basically I no longer was value to her as she found a primary source."


She block you because you confronted her.
I did the same and get the same outcome.
And i saw another posters that said similar things.
You see RayAllen if you want get aside her you would confront her.
But i don't see the necessity of it , she don't stalk neither harras to you.

JoseMaria,

You are absolutely right, I confronted her and that was the end. The game was over, her supply from me was done. I went from being a good "close" friend to someone that she bad-mouthed to others in the same social circle, to someone she hated! She even faked cried that I was bad to her in front of friends , months after I called her out.

RayAllen, most HPD may not be conscious of what they are doing. What they do with your emotions and the game play is "normal" behavior in the way they cope with their emotions and understand their own worth. Without doing what they are doing, they feel "not normal". Some HPDs may think you are abnormal in responding the way you did to her seductive actions. She finds nothing wrong with what she is doing and you are in the fault (which in many case is how HPDs rationalize things....you are in the wrong, not them!). As JoseMaria said, HPD lacks intimacy...emotional, deep connection with people. They may be promiscuous and sleep around, but sex for them is a way to get validation (they are still wanted), not emotional intimacy as we know it in a non-HPD type of relationship.