Restoring Relationship with Narcissist

We don't know if he's a narcissist or not, but it doesn't really matter for purposes of this discussion. I'll share my perspective from my own narcissistic lens....

My mother says the same things about me as you say about him....because it's true. I'm a no-show for a lot of important family events. I cannot be relied on to be there when people need me. I'm actually kind of an a**hole to my family. On the flip side, I'm totally independent and have a lucrative career, so have not needed anything from them, either.

If my mother criticizes me, or puts pressure on me to do something I don't want to do, I end the conversation abruptly. I'll then go weeks without speaking to her because she's crossed a line.

My point is, if you want a relationship with him, then you'll have to accept him for who he is. He is unable or unwilling to change -- and only he knows the reasons for that. He doesn't want your judgment of him.

Kimera wrote:We don't know if he's a narcissist or not, but it doesn't really matter for purposes of this discussion. I'll share my perspective from my own narcissistic lens....

My mother says the same things about me as you say about him....because it's true. I'm a no-show for a lot of important family events. I cannot be relied on to be there when people need me. I'm actually kind of an a**hole to my family. On the flip side, I'm totally independent and have a lucrative career, so have not needed anything from them, either.

If my mother criticizes me, or puts pressure on me to do something I don't want to do, I end the conversation abruptly. I'll then go weeks without speaking to her because she's crossed a line.

My point is, if you want a relationship with him, then you'll have to accept him for who he is. He is unable or unwilling to change -- and only he knows the reasons for that. He doesn't want your judgment of him.

I can relate. My sibling as well. I have a cluster B personality, but so does my sibling, so we talk about what's going on between us. Both of us gave up speaking to mom. Not saying it's right or wrong, we just couldn't handle it. Too many buttons pressed, too many demands we couldn't handle, without walking away feeling depressed for days on end. We both had to remind our parent, you know we do take care of ourselves, we don't ask anything.

In this case though it looks like he doesn't have his life together either, so does ask for help.

I don't know if he has a NPD personality, but if he does, yea he is probably going to disappear for months on end. It would take a book, or at least many paragraphs, to explain why.