At work: Compulsive liar? Sociopath? Something else?

Hi everyone,

So I am a manager and have an employee that seems very odd. She has worked for here for nearly 2 years and has been a very good employee... always on time, hard worker, friendly, helpful, etc. She gets along well with everyone in the office, as well as with customers. But, we suspected something wasn't quite right early on. Here are some things that we've seen:

- Early in her employment, she claimed her husband had a serious work accident at a new job that he was 2 weeks into. He was in the hospital for 2 months, got out, couldn't walk, and had rehab up through Christmas. At the company Christmas party, when I saw him walking normally, I made a comment to him that I was happy to see he was walking and in decent health. He looked at me like I had two heads, and said "thanks, I think". It struck me as very odd... like he had no idea what I was talking about. She changed the subject really quick.

- She has claimed that her father is a doctor, but yet I cannot seem to find him anywhere.

- Last year she claimed that she was going on vacation to an all-inclusive. At the time she didn't know that I was a big fan of that place, but when she came back I was asking her all about it. In the beginning, she was answering very generally, but then I got the feeling that she had no idea what she was talking about. I probed further about details, and she clearly had not been there. She claimed she had not taken any pictures, either. I let it go... she thought she had me fooled, but it was pretty clear she didn't go on this vacation... and I just so happened to see that she had posted on Facebook (we are not friends) a pic that was at her house while she was supposed to be gone... and of course, no pics of her trip. Very odd.

- Now, for the best story of all. She claimed earlier this year that she was pregnant. My partner and I (we both have caught her in storytelling) looked at each other and said "we'll believe it when we see it." Well, she did start to show (partner thinks she was just getting fatter), and then had a vacation planned this past fall as a "babymoon". On the day she "left" for vacation, supposedly had the baby way premature and went to the hospital. She was out of the hospital in a day (supposedly), but the baby was in there on tubes and stuff for 2.5 months. She was back to work within a few days (since she "cancelled" her vacation), but yet showed no emotion or even interest about her "baby" in the hospital. We would ask her, and she would say "he's doing fine"... but it took several weeks to see a pic, and the picture didn't have anybody in it. I asked her if she had a "family" picture, and she said no. So far, 4 months later, we've seen only 2 pictures. One was the infant on the tubes, and the other one "he had gotten bigger" she said... The baby looked to be about 6 months old. The only problem is that gestationally, the baby would still be a newborn, and wouldn't be nearly 20 pounds and sitting up. She also claimed the baby is starting to "take steps" and "stand up against furniture". I've got two kids of my own, and know the drill, so I was blown away when she said that. She has no pictures of the baby at her desk, on her phone, on Facebook (publicly) or in the family pictures she just had taken with her husband and daughter. She claims that when her husband comes to pick her up, she "forgets" to bring the baby in for all of us to see. My partner and I don't think the baby exists... and another employee mentioned they suspected that, as well. We didn't say acknowledge our agreement, but at least we're not the only ones that see it.

- Lately, she is "buying a house". She showed us the house, but yet it still says it's for sale. She supposedly closed on it last week. But hasn't moved yet.... and doesn't plan to for a little while. We never saw any type of job verification (like we've had to fill out for other employees buying houses) or anything. Again, we think the house is made up.

- A week ago, she said her husband was suspended from work for a misunderstanding... and that he's been there 7 years and shouldn't have been suspended because they know him well enough. I told her that I thought he had only been working there for a couple of weeks before his accident (above) a couple of years ago... she said he was there, but left, and then came back. Umm... ok.

We also know that she is the type of person that will "tell people what they want to hear". Meaning, if someone is bitching about work, she'll sympathize with them. If some is praising work, she'll praise with them. She is really a chameleon depending on who she is talking to. She has left some evidence open in the past where she had printed emails and left them on her desk sitting out. She was fighting with her husband because he caught her cheating on him, etc. He said that she does this a lot to him, but she was kissing up to him and he accepted it. It wasn't really work appropriate, and it was discretely kept, so we didn't say anything to her and let it lie.

I could go on with the stories... but these are the major ones. She's been a good employee which is why we haven't moved to let her go and just put up with her tall tales, but we are also looking at her for a potential promotion since her work quality seems to be very good. With all of the lies and cheating, we are a little gun shy that promoting her would potentially put her into a spot where she could damage the company. At this point she has been a very good "company" person, but again, we're not sure how this could go.

Has anyone else seen anybody like this? Does this sound like a typical sociopath? Compulsive liar?

What do you all think?

Thanks!

She sounds like someone who lies for attention and approval.

epickles wrote:We also know that she is the type of person that will "tell people what they want to hear". Meaning, if someone is bitching about work, she'll sympathize with them. If some is praising work, she'll praise with them. She is really a chameleon depending on who she is talking to.

This says to me she tries to conform to what she thinks others want her to be. She sounds like she is immature and lacking in confidence, but not sociopathic. Her lies aren't malicious and she doesn't cause much harm besides stirring up drama.

I worked with someone who had a similar problem. She lied about how many kids she had, which was baffling. She pretty much laid her whole life on the table in order to gain sympathy. It got really old. The worst part was that when she couldn't think of anything else to lie about, she would spread gossip to get attention and cause drama. She told the manager that I came back from work drunk. How did she know? Her "pregnancy nose" could smell it. (I hadn't had any drinks at lunch.) It was super messed up because my co-workers knew I was a recovering alcoholic. She put doubt in the minds of my co-workers. I eventually quit because the work environment became so toxic with her around.

She may do well with a promotion; she may not. Keep in mind the people who would work under her and how her drama could affect the work environment.

Hi Epickles ,

I see your dilemma as a manager , but please read through the stickies in the Compulsive lying forum . It may give you a better understanding of what your employee is experiencing .

If you are close to her , perhaps a gentle conversation letting her know that she is an excellent employee but bringing stories of such a personal nature into the workplace may be jeopardizing her chances for promotion . It simply isn't professional .

I don't think any good can come from confronting her about the inaccuracies in her stories . I think you would have better results asking her to limit conversations at work to general topics of common interest and to keep her private life private .

Best of luck .

She lies very badly for an ASPD or any cluster B PD, but she seems to be compulsive liar, or too anxious(anxious people I know lie badly).

Thank you guys for your input. It definitely makes sense that she is a compulsive liar and not a sociopath. It was interesting reading through the stickies at the top.... My partner and I totally forgot some of the stories, but that jogged some memories. Like her many car accidents while riding with other people... but never getting a bruise... and so on.

I wouldn't say that we've hit the drama level at work yet... other than the fact that we threw her a baby shower and I could tell by the look on her face that she was freaking out internally. Otherwise, she is pretty quiet, does her job well, and occasionally comes up with a quick "say what?!" story in passing.

We'll continue to keep an eye on her, and after reading up on compulsive liars, and knowing that they're really harmless and only crave acceptance, I don't think this will affect her potential promotion.

Please keep in mind that no one here is qualified , or allowed to diagnose others.

I hope that you can view your employee now with a degree of compassion and understanding . This is not a choice for her .

NewSunRising wrote:Please keep in mind that no one here is qualified , or allowed to diagnose others.

I hope that you can view your employee now with a degree of compassion and understanding . This is not a choice for her .

I get that. Thanks for the disclaimer. The insight certainly connects a lot of dots for me.

Any other comments are certainly appreciated.