Is my father NPD?

I'm trying to figure out if he's a narcissistic or just highly sensitive person/perfectionist/highly insecure/control freak person with a very low emotional iq.

Here's some highlights from when I was younger:

He's very successful and has had the same job for the last 30 years or so.
I'm an only child. He started out as a good dad for the first 6 years or so then things started happening.
When I was probably 8 or so he ripped the Christmas lights down when my grandfather put them up on the house because my grandfather didn't ask for his approval to do it and he wouldn't let my grandfather come over early for Christmas when my grandfather promised he would be there early. he was clearly insecure over the connection and bond that I had with my grandfather, who never did anything wrong. Other years he broke the wooden reindeer on the front porch if my mom didn't ask him to put up decorations, he's also held Christmas hostage many other years threatening my mom and me that we might not have a Christmas. He never demanded that we had to do anything though. We always had a Christmas but he had to be in control of it.


He wasnt very involved in my life much the next few years. He would just check in here and there and he never helped with my confidence. I loved hockey he liked soccer so he would tell me how soccer is better and not really come to any of my hockey games. I wanted to be a pro hockey player and he would just casually tell me that the odds of that happening were so low in general.



By the time I was 14 or so, I was the exact opposite of him and just didn't even pay attention to him. He was a tyrant and totally unpredictable. He would threaten to give my video games away to my cousin (who he barely knows). He would insult me if I asked him a question that he didn't know the answer to. He would hold grudges for years. Etc.


I don't really know what to make of him as a person. I think he has narcissistic traits but I know he cares about me cause he'll genuinely try to help me with no ulterior motive but if he thinks I did something to offend his ego he'll try and hurt me. We typical talk through my mother but he'll say nice things about me to my mom and she'll tell me. I think his emotional iq was just so low when I was growing up that he didn't realize the impact and now that it's 20 years later he's learning more. He still didn't say anything to me when my grandfather died 2 years ago.

Is this NPD or just some traits? He's never said he was wrong or sorry ever. Always thinks he's right, etc.

Hey Johnny,


Could be but we aren't professionals so can only share our own experiences. Of course it only matters so much. Some of what your wrote seems like NPD traits, and they have the same impact on you diagnosis or not. Some men also grew up believing they should focus almost exclusively on work, yes that they should be the 'head' of the household, and have less involvement in raising the kids, but again, whatever the reason, the impact on you is the more or less the same no matter the motives.