What do narcissists do when they aren't really interested?

@ troublebruin

Youre welcome. Well, the worst part was not her hurting me or herself. It was seeing her laugh madly and 3 seconds later starting singing and then 3 seconds after that crying really loud while in my arms. I can't forget this, but I can see that she is/was broken. Only the ones we really care about can hurt us or we hurt them this much unintentionally, you know they are sensitive and maybe we are/were too. Because we attract what we are. You should be thankful you hadn't go through alot. There is ofc. a saying it is better to have loved and being loved than never, but there are cases where it is unhealthy for both of the partners.

Mine even complained that she isn't an angel and why I even treat her good. That she is behaving bad. She ignored me sometimes infront of other guys and flirted with them without bringing me into the conversation. She didn't want to go partying with me, because she said on her own "It is nothing people with a commited relationship should do". "I get flirtatious and horny with others." Big red flags but I didn't mind that much, because it is who she is/was. Because she was honest about those things to me and I value honesty in a relationship. Once she was done talking she was back to me and we walked on. The key is not to let that crazy making behaviour make you crazy aswell. The lesson I have learned is that if someone is behaving this way, you shouldn't have her as a partner in a commited relationship. So I avoided red flags this time with my current one and I am without "trouble", troublebruin. Sorry I had to write this. Haha I am just joking mate.

And to her parents, don't mind her or her parents. Let them go. Go back to your own path and make this life your own heaven. Work on yourself so you won't make the mistake again dating someone who you think used some part of you only and didn't have interests in you in the first place, even if she did it was unstable!

Cheers

troublebruin wrote:@Rocky71

I hear you, but I still don't understand why her mother would act that way toward me. Something must have been said or suggested. What exactly I'll never know...

Were you introduced to her mother? If so, how were you introduced as ... a friend?

Otherwise, it could be that her mother considered you the same way she would consider a plumber or an electrician doing work in her house.

@ Rocky71

I don't remember whether or not I was properly introduced when I went to help her with the yard sale. All that I remember is that her mother was looking at me and posturing as if I were a threat and not welcome there. I tried to go up and be cordial, but I was rebuffed by a harsh attitude and pretty much ignored. I got the impression that something was said by the girl to her mother about me, but I couldn't figure out if it was positive and the mother didn't want it, or if it was negative and the mother was responding defensively for her daughter. And this happened a month or so before we met up in Europe.

@ Romeo111

I know your advice is sound. I have moved on, but it had always been a little mystery that I could never understand. I'm glad I've found you guys and this forum. It's given me a little insight into what exactly was going on way back when. She may not have had NPD, but she definitely exhibited some of the behaviors of a cluster B personality disorder. Maybe it was socialized into her by her parents, her knowing how attractive she was, or some other reason. But I have to give myself credit for walking away. Maybe my much younger self really knew the best thing to do.

troublebruin wrote:I've read that narcissists will lovebomb you to gain your attention. But I have a question about this one woman that I tried to get to know many years ago. Getting to know her, she would blow hot and cold, influence people's opinion of me behind my back, tease, and generally play head games. Eventually I got tired of the games and I turned away. Once that happened she asked me if I'd like to meet up while we were both visiting a foreign country (separately) after college.

We did. We got a hotel room. She became aggressively flirtatious to the point that she was half naked in the bed and aroused. But once I reached for her, she shut down as if I had violated her. No words. No discussion. Really strange. I became agitated and raised my voice asking pointed questions about what went wrong, but no physicality or verbal abuse. I just rolled over and went to bed. The next morning she was dressed and ready to go when I awoke. Still no communication. I became angry and stormed off as she was refusing to speak to me and I had seen enough for so long. As I was walking away I looked over to see her storming off angrily as well. I mean, wtf. Why are you angry? You're the one messing with my head.

So my question is about how that would fit into narcissism. Was I the guy she wasn't really all that interested in? If so, why might she agree to meet in a foreign land in the first place? Do narcissists use people like that when they don't have any real designs on them. That episode was always really strange to me. I have just always wondered.

Yes, this is extremely bizarre. I would be so confused. I'm female and I don't think it's a "test." She was already in bed. It seems more to me like she was playing a game and messing with you - and not waiting to give you a "key to her kingdom" like someone oddly said. That is weird. (Side note - I only read the first page of the thread.)

@ Mary24

Thanks for giving me your opinion on the matter, Mary. It's especially important since you are a woman and could potentially understand her better. I've done some research online and I'm reasonably certain that she had Histrionic Personality Disorder or at least the tendencies. There are so many things that seem to match up. I've finally gotten my answer...

Rocky71 wrote:

troublebruin wrote:@Rocky71

I hear you, but I still don't understand why her mother would act that way toward me. Something must have been said or suggested. What exactly I'll never know...

Were you introduced to her mother? If so, how were you introduced as ... a friend?

Otherwise, it could be that her mother considered you the same way she would consider a plumber or an electrician doing work in her house.

Hi Rocky! I'm revisiting this post years later. You probably don't remember this thread, but to answer your question, she met me in the front yard, walked me into the house, and then disappeared leaving me to her mother. I was wondering where she went. Under the couch? Bathroom? Her room? All I knew was I was alone with her mother who was none too happy to see me.