My wife has Delusional Disorder - the Persecutory type . . .

Hi there

My wife of 15 years has Delusional Disorder. It's taken a number of years to figure out what was off with her. Now we both know.

Of course - to her, she doesn't have delusions - and I believe her. She feels so alone, that I have to believe her - but it's a mess.

She was a Registered Nurse - and she so wants to be useful to society again - but, these delusions sap her strength, and her confidence. She's doing a very menial task - but at least she's busy. When she wasn't working, she would cry all day. I seriously doubt she will have the confidence to get back to Nursing - but I'm supportive.

I've read some of the other posts - where the delusions turn spouse against spouse - so I'm lucky. I'm her one piece of firm earth. Her constant delusion has nothing to do with me.

Sadly, the diversion of her attentions saps everything, and she is emotionally absent with me and our kids. She goes catatonic when we are in public. She has a mantra in her head that goes something like "I hate him I hate him I hate him' because it helps . . . and like I said, 'him' isn't me.

Currently, she believes our neighbour (who is a very nice man actually) works with the police, and has bugged her so that she has no privacy. My wife - when we first moved to this town - did nothing but take care of our girls, and clean our house. She has no hobbies, no interests, and never watches television.

When she would take the girls to school (she is super paranoid about them) she would start seeing that other parents would stare at her. She has a flat affect - so looks moderately out of sorts with an almost grimace. She began developing a story line that eventually had all the parents at the school hating her, with the assumption that she was a child predator. This eventually would have her reach a nervous breakdown, and she spent the night in Emerg.

This isn't the first time. It's the second. The first time, she thought that a grandfather at another school had called the police on her, because she glanced at his child. She completely freaked out, and was also hospitalized. We were abroad, and the language barrier didn't help. they treated her with depression related meds, and she responded well.

We are back in our home country (although on the other side of it from home) and, it happened again.

I'm trying my best to be a supportive husband, but a one way relationship is hard - and I can see that she is gearing up for another crisis . . . again.

Her current Psychiatrist is excellent - so I will call her, to let her know how things are going.

She's a great mother to our children - and the kids never lack for anything. Emotional attention maybe. Creativity in our meals. I'm busy sometimes.

Is there anybody out there that faces similar challenges? Her Doctor has told me that this is very rare - and described it as "if you met her at the grocery store, she is 99% normal. Once you get her talking about her neighbour - you get on this crazy train - and . . . wow!"

I'm curious. . . . what do I do to take care of me?

Your wife has a lot in common with my mother. However, my mother is one of those whose focus is on her spouse (my dad). She sees me as her confidant. She thinks about her delusions obsessively...and she talks to me about them incessantly. Like everyone says here, you can't reason with her. Logic won't work. You'll just waste your breath and energy. Become a master at changing the topic, and don't feel guilty if you need to take a break from her. You deserve time on your own.

I'll never be able to get my mother to see a therapist. I am now considering seeing a therapist myself to help me cope with all the doom and gloom my mother constantly dumps on me.

I agree with what Alexicon said, do not try and use logic or confront her while she's having a delusion because that can makes it 10x worse! She has to realise herself that it's not real and these people obviously haven't phoned the police or suspect she's a child predator.

Speaking to her psych is a really good idea. They should hopefully be able to give you some advice and maybe get her in sooner to see them.

I've found that medication helps to control my delusions. I'm on an anti-psychotic that seems to be working and the delusions are becoming less frequent and don't last as long. I'm lucky in the fact that I usually come out of mine after a day, or even a few hours then I realise it can't be true (expect for one of 2 of mine).

I hope her psych can help you both out, sounds like a really tough situation for you!