I want to understand this illness and my sick father!!!

I have a father with this illness, I am so afraid of his illness, but love him. I worry about being on his bad list, being on the receiving end of his anger, paranoia, etc. Right now, he wont talk to me because of a misunderstanding! He KNOWS that I worry about him and uses issues like this to make me sad... All I have ever done is listen to him blame me for ruining his life, stealing his parents, sabotaging his life, and I take it because I have known he was sick since I was very little.

He was single father and I took his sickness every day of my life until age 18. I have always protected him from the world, protected myself from him then later in life, protected my spouse and children from him. Now over a stupid misunderstanding, (paranoia) he wont talk to me.

I have to admit, having an only parent with this illness is truly a serious mind f***. I wish I could talk to anyone else who has been sort of raised by a paranoid schizophrenic parent. He was my only parent between him being committed to hospitals. I have lived in more homes with other people that I can count.

I wish that I knew what to do...