Mother that causes chaos (possibly DPD/HPD or bipolar)

This will more than likely make me sound like a brat. But I AM an angry brat.

If I had to use one word to describe my mother it would be "stupid". That's the first word that comes to mind. She is totally and completely the stupidest person I know. I have been telling her this since I was a child, in that slow tone "You - are - stupid"

She is completely and totally incapable of living by herself. It could not happen. I have urged my father to keep as good of health as he can because I do not want to take care of her. She would not know how to get herself electricity, tv. She totally lacks the ability to maintain any sort of budget. She has a high school diploma and that is it. She has worked the same job for 3 decades, working minimum wage and never had any desires to get ahead in life. My father has always paid the bills and she gets to spend her little paycheck on pretty much whatever she wants.

Groceries are her thing. Which made me morbidly obese as a child, and why I resent her for being 100% the root cause of my eating disorder I've had since 8. She loves to feed everything - even my dog. Who is also overweight because of her. She does not get that food is a poison.

My mother caused complete and utter chaos in my childhood - which makes me question if she is DPD. She would throw constant fights, all the time that would go on for hours. The cops were at my house at least once a month if not more some months. She would pick fights over anything and everything. Telling my father he was a "manipulative, conniving, controlling alcoholic" and whatever other words she came up with. She would put her hands on him sometimes, and threatened him with knives from time to time. my father had opportunities to lock her up for domestic violence but did not. She would always drag me into the conversation, and if I would disagree with her (which I normally did) She would say things like "yeah, I see how it is. well let's see who is going to buy you that toy you wanted!!". I was usually shunned for a day or two. Then I would explain to her that I don't need her and she would cry and go into a "please love me phase".
Her thing was to toss me in between the two of them and make me choose.

My mother completely smeared my father to her family. They all think he's an asshole but the root problem from what I observed was her.

My father when I was about 13 or so was done. He kicked her out, told her we are done. He was granted a restraining order from her, and she got one in return. He was awarded custody of my brother and I and she was allowed to pick us up on certain days for visitation. He also forced her into psychiatric treatment. (there she was medicated and I believe was dx'ed bipolar but I am not sure)

But the funny part is she always had my grandmother to turn to when she got into arguments with my father. And during this divorce process, she died. While she was dying my mother made amends with my father. I remember she slowly started to integrate back into my life, she would come to the store with us, out to eat. Then she moved back in with us. And you know? there were never any problems again. The silly comments that would set off her rages before she zipped her lip and my parents went from having fights multiple times a week to never having them at all. Since my grandmother died the cops have never been called.

She has also struggled with various addictions, she has a very addictive personality. She's completely uninterested in hearing about your life. If you start to talk about it, you can just see the interest leaving from her face. She hates to be alone.

There are "plenty" of other things including her total isolation of me as a child but this post is way too long already. My father is not Mr. Perfect at all (he swallowed an entire bottle of pills in front of me when I was younger for example) but my mother was the MAIN poison of my childhood....just curious if anyone has any insight. As I really do feel she is the root of many of my issues.

When you say DPD, do you mean Dependent PD or something else?

If you mean Dependent PD, why do you think that? DPD people don't generally yell at people.

There are a lot of similarities between pw DPD and BPD. The difference is usually the yelling, anger, and drama....which the BPD person often causes.

No I meant dependent PD. I think that because she is completely dependent on others in every aspect her life. She could not function without a provider. the only thing she does do that DPD doesn't is she yells. though I can see the borderline part now.

she doesn't do the yelling anymore and hasn't really in a decade or more...it's almost like she's transformed into DPD.

Pink01 -

I have no idea how she'd be diagnosed, but it seems to be a common pattern :

One disordered/completely self involved abusive parent, plus one mostly passive parent that lets it go on and on. The kids feel it the most because they are not emotionally/intellectually able to cope with adult issues, but on top of that, the parents who are suppose to be the care-takers can end up abusing their control/power over their kids. There is nobody the kids can turn to for help; the people who they should be able to turn to are the very same people.

I'm sorry to hear that your mother was so abusive and no, you don't sound like an angry brat. Your OP is a valid complaint. There's nothing more unpleasant than someone that always causes unnecessary chaos whenever possible. Your mother could indeed be bipolar. It's also possible that she has both NPD and HPD and/or BPD, as well as DPD.

Thanks for the input everyone.

My father most certainly is a very passive person and lets everything slide. But if you were to entertain my mothers arguments she would just go on more. When she gets into fight mode she just goes on forever.

As a child there was no one I could turn to. I was socially isolated and my only other family member was my grandmother and she always took my mother's side. At a young age I started setting boundaries, I refused to get involved in my parents business but they were not always respected. Especially by cops. I have problems with authority figures/cops until this day and will get an attitude with cops because when I was younger that would always want to have an interview with me and I would repeatedly tell them I do not get involved in their business. This would lead me to get into arguments with them (when I was only a 10 year old) about respect for authority when they were suppose to be protecting me and were not respecting my boundaries.

A social worker was assigned by a judge to speak to me when my parents got restraining orders against each other and I also refused to do that.

I can see my mother being borderline. Just a few hours ago she was begging me for vicodin - which I have because I just had teeth pulled. I have stopped taking it because I don't need it so she tried to hit me up for my extra. She has a prescription drug addiction which she developed after a surgery and to my knowledge has been sober for a few weeks. (my father is ill, has his own narcotics and she was stealing from him for 3 years, and was also doctor shopping for her own script)
Confirming what I basically already knew, she has only stopped because there is nothing to take anymore and doesn't acknowledge that there's any kind of problem. She gets addicted to everything.

She got nothing from me.

She sounds more BPD than DPD. and, maybe some NPD thrown in as well (she may feel that she's entitled to be taken care of.)

There are many similarities between DPD and BPD...one of the more serious difference is the anger.

I'm having a hard time telling the difference between BPD and DPD. One of the big things for me is the high and low functioning. My mother is just constantly low functioning...any person can tell she has a few loose screws the second she opens her mouth.

I always assumed that the anger was due to the bipolar.
My brother has frequent outbursts though (he's a whole other conversation) and he really sets off her anger...but anyone would get angry dealing with him. He also has the start sh*t with him and it goes on for hours trait

Maybe BPD justs runs in my family - because he wasn't old enough to remember the majority of her abuse. It stopped when he was 5.