NEW way to avoid a Narcssist ex!

I have heard a lot of people say that you should have no contact with your ex N and you should delete their number.

I agree that no contact is good, but sometimes this is not possible and also it can be easy to fall back into old habits and call them when times are tough or be sucked back in. So I suggest keeping their number in your phone and here is why:

Change the name of your ex N to "Narcissist" or "I am a Narcissist." They do not have a first or last name anymore! And also change their photo. Change it to a monster or a vampire, literally something you do not want to look at! This is key. No funny photos, something that you wouldn't want others to see or you wouldn't want to look at. You should not smile when you see this image. Over time you may, but not right away. If you want to connect your ex by name, I suggest using "Narcissist" as the first name followed by their real last name. "Narcissist Thompson" is a lot worse than "James Thompson."

I changed my ex N's name this way, so I know who is calling me and I associate her name with narcissism. I also changed her photo to a female vampire. Not a sexy female vampire either. A vampire that is angry, blood dripping and vile. And it kinda looks like her!

The psychology of this is that it forces you to see this person differently. You will not have floods of positive memories if "Narcissist" calls you and a horrible photo shows up. Not only will you not answer, but you will start to associate this image with them. This helps you change the way you see them in real life too! You will associate the new name and vile image anytime you run into them. They are not the beautiful, fun person you thought. They are a monster.

It is often hard for people with empathy to dehumanize others, but this will help. After all, who would want to talk to or be roped in by a person named "Narcissist" and with such a vile photo?

Below is the photo I used.

Good luck!

Actually, this is a real good idea.
Thankyou.

i don't believe in dehumanizing others.

Some people dehumanize themselves.

Anything (within reason) that helps to avoid being hoovered back in by a Narc ex, friend or relative sounds good to me.

littlearcher wrote:to each their own.

i find peace through understanding and also through setting boundaries. but, at the end of the day, i still believe all people are equal.

Problem is narcissists are notorious for ignoring boundaries.
Understanding is good.
I do believe people are equal. Generally I mean the queen, a pop star, politician, etc. is no more important than anyone else. I don't understand celebrity adoration.

Are narcissists equal? Um, dunno if there's any comparison, as a pathologically disordered Narc is not 'normal' its is a different breed, and has to handled very carefully.
As opposed to a person with learnt narcissistic traits even heavy ones, who are self aware and can change (if they want to)

littlearcher wrote:yes, people with npd can be prone to ignoring boundaries, that's why i feel not caring has worked for me because, in my experience, when i carried around anger still i was still sought out by my ex (negative supply).

but feeling neutral about it hasn't given him anything and as such, i have been left alone thankfully.

I hope to get there. Mind if I ask how long it took you to get to neutral? I still have anger, but I only went true no contact a week or so ago. We have been on and off no contact, which I broke by trying to hang onto my old watering holes, for about two months. She knew I was pulling away, which is why she get more angry and sought out more supply.

But I want to stop thinking of her. I am reading CODEPENDENT NO MORE, which helps, but I know if I saw her my anger, pity and frustration would come back. I know time heals all, but just curious how long for you to get there?

littlearcher wrote:oh...a very long time. i was in my relationship on/off for 7 years and it was actually pretty seriously abusive.

i also got into it at 19, so thankfully i am in a much more solid place now many years later.

i would say that after the last break up, there wasn't really too much anger...but i still had a bit of fear and felt vulnerable for a while. i did try and be friends with him for a while after that and then after he did something quite horrific and put me in a super unsafe situation with a dead cellphone, i tried to make peace and be civil and THEN he started insulting me about my family and after that i was able to let go of all care good/bad.

so after the no contact in earnest, it didn't take me long but i am not someone to hold on to anger.

i also highly recommend therapy if you feel that you may be prone to entering into unhealthy relationships.

Fortunately, I was not in this relationship that long. It was a year. I knew her for about two years...we grew closer, or so I thought. We never lived together, although over the past year sometimes we spent everyday together. We were close.


The worst part is, she moved into my apartment complex. I know I may have to move, but I'd like not to. I am trying to avoid and still not think of her. But it is tough.

I will see.


Thanks.

littlearcher wrote:i think anyone would find it difficult to have an ex living so close to them. so be gentle with yourself and give yourself time.

if difficult feelings arise, try to honour them and acknowledge them and work through them.

it seems like you are concerned about yourself possibly having your own unhealthy relationship tendencies so, it's great that you are being proactive about that and trying to read about it.

if possible try and block the ways in which you might hear about her (social media etc) and also stop any mutual friends from speaking further if they bring her up.

if you are able to go completely no contact for even a whole a month and not see her, i imagine you'll feel a lot better.

Thanks. I appreciate your help. I have removed any sign of her. She was removed from my Facebook and Linkin awhile ago. In fact, it was some of these signs that I think she picked up on. I recall after one fight I removed a gift she gave me from my home. She made up with me and wanted me to put it back right away. I said "I will later." She acted like a child pouting a little, but I refused to give in. I was trying to make her understand how felt. Since then everything that reminds of her has been removed.

I no longer go anywhere near the places I used to go. I live in the area, but I will not visit any bar I used to go with her. I explained the situation to a few friends/bartenders I know They said they understand, but I know its hard to fully grasp. I know she still goes there, but I told them I am tired of building my routine on which days she may or may not show up. It's a clean slate for me now. I will go back there when I am good and ready, when I am not worried about whether she will be there. Until then I will meet new people and enjoy myself.

Thanks again. I do get worried she may show up at my door. I told her I cannot read her texts and that her number is blocked, but as we know if she wants attention...I am the closest to her. I hope she does not show up.

Thanks again.