What are the signs of a Narc mother?

magical thinking)

What exactly is "magical thinking"? I think I know, but I'm not sure.

I tend to think it means that they assume things without knowing the facts. For instance, my MIL thought she could just "blow off" her airline flight and show up the next day . She thought the airline would just accept her "old ticket".

That website is very interesting.

My MIL fits some of the description, but not all.

littlearcher wrote:i think it would be harder for you to determine as you didn't grow up with her.

but from what you've described overall, i think it's safe to say that your husband's family dynamic was dysfunctional.

This is very true.

I do wish that I knew more about her, FIL, and their relationship as H&W. I've been told things that just don't make sense.

WifeofBPDH wrote:That website is very interesting.

My MIL fits some of the description, but not all.

My NPD mother does not fit all. She's not grandiose, she doesn't have rages (she sulks, the silent treatment)and she's not looking in the mirror all the time.
But she has no empathy, and does not see any one for who they really are, but 'makes up a personality' that suits her.
The golden child, my sister can do no wrong, mother describes her as *wonderful* but in reality she is far from wonderful. Its all delusion, fantasy, denial. Lies.

she doesn't have rages (she sulks, the silent treatment)and she's not looking in the mirror all the time.

Interesting.

H has referenced that his mom used to "pout", but he has never said what she used to pout about. I may need to explore that. This is weird because when H met me, he ASKED me to POUT. lol I grew up in a home where we didn't pout (we're Italian...we don't pout, we speak our minds. lol ) So, of course, I never indulged H into becoming a "pouting female."

I think the reason why H's mom pouted is because her H had a "my way or the highway" motto, so MIL used pouting as an influence tool. That's my guess. Don't really know.

I have never heard of MIL giving anyone the silent treatment....not even to a jerky son-in-law who abandoned her pregnant daughter for another woman. MIL still was friendly to that jerk (something I would never have been able to do. lol I would have had him hanging from the nearest tree. )

MIL is obsessed with her appearance and even had a facelift when she was in her 80's!!! She has never been a "pretty woman" by any standards, but she's always been obsessed with her looks and her age (usually lying about her real age.)

I have never heard of MIL giving anyone the silent treatment....not even to a jerky son-in-law who abandoned her pregnant daughter for another woman. MIL still was friendly to that jerk

Oddly this is common, a narc staying in contact & friendly with a jerk like that.

My sisters MIL was awful to her, mother however 'liked' her and even invited her into the house, something she never does! Which my sister found strange and hurtful.
Why? dunno don't get it. Besties with the enemy

Narcissists have a habit of doing the polar opposite of what is normal. What kind of mother likes a jerk who deserts her pregnant daughter? or sides with a nasty MIL?

Or maybe in this MIL my mother 'smelt' a kindred spirit another probable narc? MIL could be a difficult and unkind woman.
Birds of a feather & all that.

Like my N ex husband, never met a stranger he didn't like. He would side with almost anyone but not his own wife & children. Useless freak.

Oddly this is common, a narc staying in contact & friendly with a jerk like that.

Wow...this explains a lot.

My dearest friend's mom is bi-polar and NPD. Her mom, even into her 70s, had this "obsession" with males. Always wanted a man at her side, and would give any male lots of attention. (she had an affair with one of her H's employees many years ago! quite the scandal.) After her H died, she loved being escorted around town by various men, her sons, her grandsons, her sons-in-law....any male. And she would just glow whenever some male was by her side.

Anyway, her youngest D married a man with BPD. Before the marriage, he was a devoted BF. After the wows, he quickly changed....raging, splitting, and just being vile. They had a child and he refused to provide any support for the child DURING THE MARRIAGE!....refused to even carry her on his insurance for a small price thru his company. Finally, after about 15 years, his wife divorced him. He broke into her home, terrorized her, forged her name on checks, etc. HOWEVER, her BP/NPD mother kept having him over to her home and having him escort her to various things. It was extremely hurtful.

Forgot to add....

On Friday afternoon, H mentioned that his mom was on tranquilizers when he was growing up. This surprised me because she's an unusually calm person. However if she continued to take these "mommy's little helpers" even with an empty nest, that might explain her calmness in the face of chaos.
She had to put up with a LOT with her H. (BTW...both MIL and FIL were adult children of alcoholics)

There have been a few times that MIL has "been revealing" about her (likely BPD) husband.

Years ago, we visited and took her to church (FIL didn't ever go with her). After we left the church, she asked us if we saw the man in the front pew. We said yes. She then said, "that's Joe's replacement." Shocking!

Then at their 50 year anniversary party, MIL had some champagne (neither drink much), and she got a little tipsy (empty stomach and all). Her H stood up and gave a very nice speech about how wonderful his wife is. Then is was her turn. She stood up and said, "well, Joe, when I look around the room and see our 8 kids, all I can say is: 'you had good sperm." Then she sat down. The audience was stunned.

Then, at FIL's memorial service ( a very casual affair), we stood around the grave with the cremated remains box and each person said a few words. When it was MIL's turn she said, "Now I can say whatever I want, and now I have more closet space." Wow...imagine a widow saying that??? I agree that her H refused to have anyone express ANY views contrary to his, but her comments at his gravesite were crazy!

The weird thing is that her kids didn't put 2 + 2 together. They still marvel at their parents' "perfect marriage."

I suspect my mother is an N and I am in beginning stage of therapy. Bbviously I've bee ntold there is a possibility she could be but my mother is not present to be officially diagnosed. However all the hallmark signs are there.

Here are some examples of what my suspected N mother does where her behaviour towards other is concerned:

-Never shows up on time ( often hours late at holiday dinners) so she is centre stage when she knows everyone has been calling/waiting for her. She loves to make a grand entrance

-Talks on and on about herself and what she's going through, can't get a word in edgewise and when you do get to say something, she is not listening or is very dismisive.

-Cannot give compliments freely.

Is accusatory yet cannot accept criticism or take personal reponsibility where she is at fault.

-She uses a scapegoat in the family ( partciuarily myself and my brother) to blame people for certain things. I.e. Why why sister who lives overseas hasn't spoken to her in 5 months. It's my fault for that and that i'm brainwashing my sister. When in reality, I didn't speak to my sister for over a year until last weekend. She blames my brother who was a troubled kid in his teens for how my sisters and i grew up.

-Got extremely jealous and upset when my dad said I long beautiful hair right in front of her.

-Ruined my sister's first marriage, started stalking sister's ex at his work and his new gf who also worked there. Started calling up his lawyer, social worker for children thinking there was some sort of conspiracy when he asked to see his children on the weekend. kept my 5 year old neice in the backseat of the car while stalking sister's ex with sister driving and my niece having to hear all these things about her father.

- Would be sneaky and go around and talk to former neighbor's of my sister to find out about her ex.

- Riled up my sister and got her to go to ex husband's work and confront him, Police were called and my sister was removed from the premises.

- She gave my friend a ride home from my birthday party one year when this custody case was going on and she talked non stop for 3 hours in the car about this and my friend could not get a word in edgewise to be able to say goodnight or get out of the car. This was a friend I hadn't seen in 15 years and recently reunited with her when I did have a Facebook account.