Just Need Guidance

At this point, I am very nearly positive my ex-boyfriend is HPD, and I'll admit, he frightens me. I won't cover our long, long, LONG past of bull... because you all know. These people follow a very frightening pattern, and it is insanely horrifying to me that they can be so convincing in their "I'm sorry"s and "I love You, I'll never do it again"s. I just need to know, what can I do to assure this man gets the picture and doesn't start stalking me or hurt me or my children....

-Here's some framework -

-I am staying with a friend, but we have lived together for quite some time and every worldly possession I have is with him.

-I have no car. He has kept me very very penniless for quite sometime. He spends all his own money and all money given to me by my family down to the last dime. I do not even have a phone.

-I am completely reliant on him, something I didn't realize until last night.

-He is holding my children against me, claiming I am still his family.

-He pulled a knife on me yesterday. I have never been so frightened in my entire life. I scrambled on the bed and screamed and cried please don't kill me I don't want to die. After standing silent and VERY menacing with a snarl for a while as I panicked, he turned the knife on himself and I thought he was slashing his wrists open as he ran out of the room. My ex husband did this and it scared the $#%^ out of me, he knows this, and he now admits he used that against me to scare me to make me listen. He did not even scratch his wrist with the knife. I, on the other hand, was prepared to ######6 bleed to death in pain, something I never want to ever fear again in my life. It still makes me want to vomit out of fear.

-I have absolutely no family support. My family are non supportive due to theological differences, you see they are strict Southern Baptist, and say my problems will not get better until I stop living in sin and marry this guy in November. Yeah, so that is nuts. I have no job, and no way to take care of myself save my best friends, and it would be better to be homeless than to go to a homeless shelter or women's shelter in this state. One of most shelter's requirements is forming a close relationship with Jesus and I just can't even imagine trying to fake that, considering all the other mental torture I am ######6 experiencing.

I just need some tough, real world advice. How do I handle this and not lose everything?

You can file legal charges against him. you would want to talk to the police to see what you can charge him for, but I suggest starting with assault. http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/assault

domestic-abuse/topic11734.html

The above link contains excellent advice for people in your situation. This guy is violent and the safety of yourself and your children should be your first priority. If there is a Domestic Violence Agency in your area, please cotnact them and ask for their assistance. A Google search should help you to find one. You have very little support at the moment, and if you can find support from professionals and people who have been in your situation, this could be of great help. If you send me a PM letting me know which area you live in, I will also have a look online to see if there are agencies that could help you.