ex w/NPD traits is stalking me- what to expect?

'ello,

My ex has not been officially diagnosed, because he doesn't think any therapist can help him (he already knows all their tactics, he's read the whole DSM, etc). During my research as I was trying to figure out my own problems (my therapist agrees I have BPD traits), it seemed likely that NPD was his issue- not that I was the first person to ever suggest it. Ex naturally denies having any narcissistic qualities. I'm hoping someone here who understands the disorder a bit better can give me some advice. Sorry it's a long story. I don't know how to shorten it any further.

We were dating for several years; we broke up a couple of times- both were initiated by him, as were both our reunions. This last time, I was the one to break it off with him. We had been living together and he had been completely financially dependent on me, but for some reason he decided he wanted to be the one to keep the apartment, insisted he'd suddenly find some way to pay for everything himself. He was acting a bit off but didn't seem desperate to keep me around until it became apparent that his back-up girl didn't want anything to do with him either. Then he flipped out. Started pleading with me, got really angry whenever I didn't succumb, then would act depressed and suicidal. Made numerous attempts at trying to appear to be attempting suicide (i.e. taking a bunch of pills that had no possibility of killing him) and threatened to kill my friends. Never threatened me, just everyone around me.

Then once I moved out... the suicide threats continued, he found out where my new apartment was, he left bloodied flowers by my car, he slashed my new boyfriend's tires (although we were still just friends at the time, and ex had already given this guy "his blessing" in regards to dating me). Some other things happened and it was like I had never known him at all. No one understands that he never acted this way before. He was now more interested in me than he ever seemed to be when we were actually together. Eventually I got a restraining order against him, which was finalized last month. I hadn't heard from him since the temporary order was issued the month before that. I thought maybe it was over. But my boyfriend's tires have been slashed again, and epoxy was put in the locks- and around one of the lug nuts in one of my tires. This tire had gone flat the week before from a nail, but I hadn't suspected criminal mischief until now. I can't prove it was the ex, so it seems I can do nothing but sit around and wonder when he's going to strike next. Maybe that was his last hurrah and he's done now?

I'm really trying to figure out who the target even is at this point- is it me, or is it the new boyfriend? If he decides to try to hurt one of us, who would it be? Is he still trying to get me back by getting the boyfriend out of the picture, or has he gone over to vengeance mode at this point? My therapist suggested that he's probably very angry that I took control of the situation, because it is very unlike me to be so independent and I bowed to his will for so long. From reading through the forums, I've gathered that if he does have NPD, I was his supply for quite some time, and with my BPD characteristics he probably never expected me to be the one to leave. I don't know how to handle this.

Thanks to anyone who read through this...

your ex doesn't exhibit traits of NPD...N's rarely threaten/attempt suicide unless they're co-morbid with something else. an NPD also wouldn't allow the female to be the breadwinner. they want to be worshipped...no woman would worship a man who loafs/codependent.

the TRO has already been established and there is nothing you can do about the vandalism except for make sure to make a full police report and document each and every strange act that seems against you. keep NC no matter what. the more attention he gets, the more it will fuel his fire. keep in mind that the actual target doesn't matter because either way, it effects YOU.

i'm terribly sorry you and your s.o. are having to deal with such drama. i hope for your sake it's over and done with.

all the best,

wineaux