A Histrionic light bulb moment

POSSIBLE TRIGGERS FOR THOSE WITH HPD OR OTHER DISORDERS/CONDITIONS. Because this thread seems to have a definite relationship dimension, moving it to the SOF&F Forum, with a shadow thread left in HPD.

Hi all, how did I end up here, simple, I have been drawn into a pseudo relationship by a girl at work whom left me just scratching my head. Let me expand.

She's young, attractive, feverishly flirtatious, the office live wire. Which is fine until of course her cross hairs are aimed in your direction.

This is a girl who will loudly and proudly exclaim that her feet smell, my hairs gross, she'll turn up to work with her skirt on back to front and of course not " notice until there is an audience"

It's is a girl who when out of the office alone would send dozens of emails to me with little point, but would not do this when I was out and she was in, of course at this point she isn't alone.

Emails exclaiming I'm bored, or what ya doing, from within the office. She also states she still has a great relationship with her exes. Which there seems to be a few hard to tell. She also tells me she sings jazz in a jazz club locally but very few people know about it not even her mum or boyfriend. Hmmm

it seems to me her every move has a motive for attention good or bad. she "hates" her so called called future sister in law ( oh yes she has a boyfriend more later) because she hates women, in the next breath she goes over how she is going to look like a [*] when she comes over so she feels more popular.

This ramped up recently where she progressively got to the point where she said she wanted to sleep me as the tension is too much she says, this was a long winded Facebook convo where at the end she says, oh I thought about it and maybe it's not such a good idea. Wtf. I cracked the proverbial at this point, her response was I'm over thinking it. Right.

The boyfriend well he works away 4 weeks at a time, but she is in constant message contact all day long hmmmm.
Oh and I didn't mention he has a sexual issue which has recently been surgically corrected. She tells me her last boyfriend also had a sexual issue, hmmm shes telling me this obviously for a rise, but also to me it's pointing to a pattern.

I must admit I had never heard of this disorder previously, but my curiosity and frustration has led me here, and well, it didnt take long for me to put a few things together.

Unfortunately, this girl is extremely attractive, I'm not silly by any means but long before I had any defences up this girl has come in for the kill.

I could go on and on with examples but you get the picture I think.

I feel almost guilty as there is within her personality a likeable person but it just doesn't add up.

Is it me ?

Hello teye and welcome to SOF&F
Sensed your frustration in one place, which I completely understand, but for harmony I had to slightly edit your initial post - you can see what was deleted. No big deal; always try to keep it respectful. I have experienced much of what you have been through. It always amazes me how similar some of the accounts are to mine.
To be clear of course I don't know for sure if your friend has HPD, but based on your total description, I would use the word "probable." Another possibility would be Somatic NPD, but your friend seems to have that characteristic HPD extroverted exuberance, whereas female NPD's have a more feline-like introverted coolness.

Hi all, how did I end up here, simple, I have been drawn into a pseudo relationship by a girl at work whom left me just scratching my head. Let me expand.

"Pseudo" relationship hits the nail on the head and speaks volumes. A relationship with an HPD from the get go is substantially an act and therefore in some fundamental way it is false.

She's young, attractive, feverishly flirtatious, the office live wire. Which is fine until of course her cross hairs are aimed in your direction.

Attractive: HPD's are often observed to be very physically attractive women. Flirtatious: near synonym to seductive. Office Live Wire: also "Life of The Party," gregarious, etc. "Cross hairs" suggests a huntress, a manipulator.

This is a girl who will loudly and proudly exclaim that her feet smell, my hairs gross, she'll turn up to work with her skirt on back to front and of course not " notice until there is an audience"

Loudly and proudly=extroversion. Skirt on back to front? And pretend not to notice until an audience is gathered? Sounds exhibitionistic.

It's is a girl who when out of the office alone would send dozens of emails to me with little point, but would not do this when I was out and she was in, of course at this point she isn't alone.

Dozens of emails with little point (little content), but she is running the same program with other guys: check.

Emails exclaiming I'm bored, or what ya doing, from within the office. She also states she still has a great relationship with her exes. Which there seems to be a few hard to tell. She also tells me she sings jazz in a jazz club locally but very few people know about it not even her mum or boyfriend. Hmmm

Boredom is a secondary indicator of HPD. Great relationship with her exes? Possibly because they are fan club members whom she is still working? Or maybe it's a fabrication, like the jazz club gig sounds like.

it seems to me her every move has a motive for attention good or bad. she "hates" her so called called future sister in law ( oh yes she has a boyfriend more later) because she hates women, in the next breath she goes over how she is going to look like a [ *]when she comes over so she feels more popular.

HPD's often don't get along with other women, perhaps because of the initial rivalry with Mom becomes a general theme. Dressing very provocatively and seductively, especially when out of context (i.e., not in a club, but at work, or coming over to visit family members) is another HPD red flag.

This ramped up recently where she progressively got to the point where she said she wanted to sleep me as the tension is too much she says, this was a long winded Facebook convo where at the end she says, oh I thought about it and maybe it's not such a good idea. Wtf. I cracked the proverbial at this point, her response was I'm over thinking it. Right.

Pull in, push away, a widespread Cluster B PD trait.

The boyfriend well he works away 4 weeks at a time, but she is in constant message contact all day long hmmmm.
Oh and I didn't mention he has a sexual issue which has recently been surgically corrected. She tells me her last boyfriend also had a sexual issue, hmmm shes telling me this obviously for a rise, but also to me it's pointing to a pattern.

A distant relationship (not very intimate) might just be the most comfortable variety to someone with HPD. His sexual issue...a later in life bar mitzvah, perhaps? - or - this could very well be a projection of some of her own sexual issues (i.e., sexual dysfunction or castration fantasy), perhaps what you meant by "a pattern?"

I must admit I had never heard of this disorder previously, but my curiosity and frustration has led me here, and well, it didnt take long for me to put a few things together.
Unfortunately, this girl is extremely attractive, I'm not silly by any means but long before I had any defences up this girl has come in for the kill.

When they first come in it's like they rush you and grab your heart.

I feel almost guilty as there is within her personality a likeable person but it just doesn't add up.
Is it me ?

If you mean is it all in your head, based on your detail and it's similarity to what I experienced, I would say no, it isn't all in your head, it's magical, lovely, strange, disturbing, even scary, but it's probably HPD: a real personality disorder that plays itself out everyday in many places around the world (especially the western world).
As to the likeable person inside, this could just be her manipulative act, the modus operandi of keeping you hooked, or maybe you do occaisionally glimpse her true self, reaching out to be loved.

Such is the baffling enigma that seems to be HPD.

You seem pretty observant and honest with yourself, so unless you have a history with such women, I'm going to assume you were more of a random catch. Probably best to start backing out of this. It's ok to be a compassionate friend, but to do this you must erect and maintain proper boundaries or else she will continue to seduce you and keep you dangling out in the wind. Which, at a minimum, will waste a lot of your time, and interfere with your proper efforts at finding a healthy woman.

Stay healthy brother,
orion

Wow thanks so much for in depth reply. Thinking it it over I'd have to say that anytime people like this come along, it's important to go with your gut feel. Ie it's the insincerity that seems to bleed through.
This girls behaviour is very complex, but superficial. Sad really.

Firstly great reply orion8591.

I'd like to add one more thing as a man who has had experience of many relationships with histrionic women. There are so many red flags in your post that scream out HPD type behaviour. This may just be her 'Cat Stringing' for supply ( other words you will be promised the world in an emotional only affair but get precisely nothing from it..no love, no intimacy and no true companionship..nothing at all ).

I personally actively seek out these types but if I feel that she is going down this route with nothing to offer I will very quickly turn cold and unresponsive so that she gets no further supply from me. The thing is that I acknowledge that I have strong narc and histrionic traits myself so do not find this difficult to do.

If you are a non then be very, very careful. This could result in extreme emotional upset for you.

Yes I have realised I'm also attracted to these behaviours, im not balanced with what I accept as attention, a little positive for me offsets too much negativity, I think my mums a borderline waife, in fact I'm sure of it.
I found an old recording I made as a kid, the woman was a nutter when on song