Is This Common? (possible HPD)

Just an update:

It's exactly 2 months since i saw her for the last time and i honestly can say this month was one of worst of my life, i just couldn't stop thinking about her. Note though that i'm suffering from PD issues myself which have escalated into a full blown depression. I'm on meds now and things are slowly improving in that department.

Interesting part is that although we didn't have any contact the games didn't stop. Blocking me on whatsapp messager (and then unblocking just to check up on me i guess), passive aggressive facebook postings and now also blocking me (only me i'm sure).

So i just made the decision to unfriend her on FB to prevent any more triggers (her with other guys, whatever). The desperate feeling is fading slowly though and i'm positive i'll recover but it's taking longer than anticipated and still have zero interest in other women.

I do have the feeling eventually i'll come out of this mess stronger.

It's been a while, and sorry to have hi-jacked this thread, but perhaps my latest experience will help others (and let me process things).

I've done something stupid and broke NC. After expecting, and tbh anticipating even looking forward, to see her at a concert, i actually didn't and starting thinking about things that happened and what impact that had on me personally. So i just couldn't help myself and decided to sent her a casual text.

She responded VERY openly, we had a nice exchange of messages and agreed to see each other.

Date started fine, i really decided to not start flirting with her on my initiative but she was very positive and started casually touching me and inviting me to do the same. Everything was going GREAT in her life while i know for a fact it didn't, but still, it was pleasant.

Suddendly she broke down and started crying somewhat excessively (something about a friend being in the hospital, somehow she never goes deeper into stuff and if do ask more half of the stuff sounds made up) and while i really was hesistant te become affectionate, i also really wanted to comfort her. so i did, i hugged her, i gave her a fatherly comfort kiss.

At that point i couldn't help just say something about her emotionality and talk about rejection and 'being the center of attention' etc.etc. Basically describing HPD for her. She did say i was 'right' but started to look confused and distant.

Then basically our heavy drinking started to take it's toll (as well), she became incoherent, started talking about sex (how she was bi-sexual, and asked if i was), hinting at sexual oriented parties but at the same time starting to devalue me. I did kiss her then but she pulled away, said she was 'trying' to see someone more seriously, but still continued kissing me and then we went to my place.

She did say multiple times she didn't want to, but she did went home with me. And as soon as i sat down she jumped me and initiated sex. Before that she actually said she was into (relationship)games and how she 'bombed' our relationship and how she never loved me. After the sex she starting devalueing me again, saying stuff that i was too 'sweet', and kept repeating that this was not her intention, and how she doesn't want to hurt me etc.etc (all pretty much incoherent babbling) and then becoming gentle again, softly kissing me.

In the morning she looked really confused and kept repeating this was not her intention, left withouth saying much differently and that's probably the last time i'm going to see her (i also hope so actually).

I must say that all this left me pretty devestated. Not because of the fact that i'm not going see her anymore. But more about that if you care for someone (or 'made' to care), someone can retaliate so decisively. I know this is not all conscious behavior on her part, but perhaps that's exactly the point.

There IS no point discussing behavior with HPD's, they just do not understand and/or process the impact their behavior has on other people.

nom0re wrote:...
There IS no point discussing behavior with HPD's, they just do not understand and/or process the impact their behavior has on other people.

Logic is a funny thing.

In many cases if your goal is to get what you what when you want it, then it is often logical to be illogical, to believe/do whatever is in your best interest in the moment, even if one's beliefs/actions are inconsistent.

If on the other hand your goal is to have others be able to trust you long term, then logical or not, consistency matters. People can at least know what to expect of others who are consistent in their beliefs/actions, even if what they believe isn't necessarily logical.

Logical is a luxury that some people do appreciate, and in some cases can leave one feeling peaceful, but it's not required to get by.

Sometimes you got to wonder who is really smarter? Those of us who cling to logic, or those who pursue their wants? Logic be damned! Though admittedly that approach to life tends to be long-term self-destructive, but not everyone values their future or that their relationship last.

xdude wrote:not everyone values their future or that their relationship last.

In my case, I can certainly attest to this, and would also add that some people (my ex-PwHPD included) don't even value their own children's future....

Nomore you're doing the right thing. You've successfully identified fundamental issues with her prior to getting married and having kids. I would say I wish I had done the same, but then again I wouldn't have 2 beautiful angels going through this hell on earth with me.