for all of nons who have dated abusers...

When I meet someone new, and he tells me about this terrible ex he had
I automatically assume 'he'll say same thing about me later on'

So I wouldn't buy him highly. I wouldn't date him. On the other hand if the man says good thing about exs a lot i'd think that's a good guy

but you know... you guys have dated exs who crushed you so you have anger/negative opinion toward them
so.. if you meet new date you'll say bad thing about exs...

and if I meet anyone like that, who has had PD ex
I will think that 'anyone' is not datable...
i don't like ppl who say bad things about their ex
but if your ex was PD you are not actually 'bad' person but was a special occassion..

so how do i distinguish b/w ppl who really dated terrible ex or ppl who are terrible themselves so say bad thing about exs/ruined rl with exs before?

You don't.

While anyone evaluates the person in front of them, even more so when romantic involvement is a posibility, we always give the benefit of the doubt. Yes, we may get burned in the long run, but it's the healthy thing to do.
Also we don't usually know about PDs, the PDs drive us to this forum, not the other way around. In so many way, we have lost our inocense here