I Can't Do It Anymore (possible HPD relationship)

With a very heavy heart I write this. I have been married for 21 years to a woman I highly suspect to be HPD. I have done everything I can to make the marriage work.
I came from a pretty unstable family, and all I wanted was to be a good husband and father.
My wife's behavior is so wrapped up in her friends and being popular that our marriage/family seems secondary.
Meanwhile, her friends continually make sexual advances at me.
She and her friends are so loud and obnoxious, yet they think they are so in style. It's amazing to me.
My wife shows no interest in building/maintaining a relationship with me.
Her constantly flirting just rips my heart out.

I just can't continue this marriage anymore.
I truly loved this woman, but she is draining me emotionally, financially, and physically.

I will begin making plans for a new life tomorrow.

Good

Seriously, you shouldn't live like that. I'm not a believer in one must remain married at all costs no matter how miserable you are. If you took the paper out of the equation it would be obvious this is the right thing to do. You have a right to be happy too.

Wishing you the best!

X

-- Mon May 27, 2013 9:07 am --

p.s. it's impossible to make any big decision and not have some lingering 'what-ifs' but 21 years of debating it, tormenting yourself, it's enough. You're clearly not a flake who just gives up easily. You've done enough.

Please look after yourself as you rebuild your life. Yes, you will grieve, and you'll need to treat yourself with a great deal of kindness as you create a new future for yourself. Little by little, step by step, it can be done. There will come a day when you will have healed sufficiently to find the love you deserve. In the meantime, give yourself that love.

Posting this in Significant Others too for added support.

What Happened

Greetings and welcome to HPD and SOF&F

I feel what you are going through. You deserve happiness. If you are happier by yourself than you are with your wife, well, that speaks volumes. You can heal and find someone better, but also it's perfectly ok to be happy by yourself for a while.

Keep posting as you see fit, and be well.
Orion

Thank you so much for your support. This marriage has been so hard. The hardest thing is how she acts in front of other people in public. Sometimes it just makes me sick to my stomach.

WH
You are not to blame, and you can base and restore your sanity by embracing in your mind and heart that what you have experienced, many other good men have as well. I am a witness to this... both in my own relationships, and I have read about many others, which you can find in 5 years+ of posts in the HPD forum.
For reasons of maintaining harmony in HPD, please post here when you want to discuss any negative manifestations of your relationship.

Thanx, and do share when you feel so inclined.

Thanks Orion. The hardest part of this, is the fact that I valued my family over everything. I just wanted to be a good father and a good husband. My wife's behavior really bothered me. Her friends' behavior bother me. I sucked it up and kept going. I was so focused. I developed a bit of a drinking problem by blocking out what was going on around me.
I have quit drinking for a number of years and the reality of what my life had become is really setting in. I can't believe that I allowed myself to be manipulated like I have. I will never let that happen again.
I know the road ahead will be tough, but I will never compromise myself or my values again.

What -

You are not the first or last person to feel like this. You are not the first or last to try bottle therapy while hanging in there. It really doesn't matter if she has a HPD diagnosis or not. If she has the behaviors, and it's hurting you, that's enough.

You know they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. You are clearly not a flake. You tried for a long time. Out of love of course you kept trying. Really no fault to you for doing so, just at some point trying more is a dead end. It's time to take care of you, and rebuild your damaged ego.

Best wishes,

X

What Happened? wrote:With a very heavy heart I write this. I have been married for 21 years to a woman I highly suspect to be HPD. I have done everything I can to make the marriage work.
I came from a pretty unstable family, and all I wanted was to be a good husband and father.
My wife's behavior is so wrapped up in her friends and being popular that our marriage/family seems secondary.
Meanwhile, her friends continually make sexual advances at me.
She and her friends are so loud and obnoxious, yet they think they are so in style. It's amazing to me.
My wife shows no interest in building/maintaining a relationship with me.
Her constantly flirting just rips my heart out.

I just can't continue this marriage anymore.
I truly loved this woman, but she is draining me emotionally, financially, and physically.

I will begin making plans for a new life tomorrow.

That is really unfortunate to hear. I'm sorry about your marriage. ON the moving on note, how are your plans going?

- Labor.

No luck on the moving yet. I had to go out of town for work for a couple of days. I find myself getting sentimental and can feel myself starting to back peddle. I have to be strong!