Feeling Scared of Him

Hi everyone,

I just joined. I am going through a very difficult time and I hope I can find people who can relate or offer me some type of support or advice. I tend to be long winded, so I will try my hardest to leave irrelevant things out for the sake of longevity and respect for your time.

I met the father of my 7 month old son almost 4 years ago. When we met it was under very special circumstances that should've indicated that his illness was something to be taken seriously, but I chose to be blinded by it. I have suffered from depression in the past and have been hospitalized over it once (by choice). He has been in and out of ERs and hospitalizations more times than one hand can count since I've known him.

Before I met him, he was already a drug abuser. He will swallow an entire bottle of Ambiens like its nothing. All for the high. He loves marijuana and on several occasions we (his family and I) had to take him to the hospital due to pain killer/muscle relaxer abuse.

Add to that the fact that he's been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and you've got a bad mix. I personally think he has more than just bipolar, but he never stays long enough during hospital visits to get a proper assessment of his mental health.

In all of this craziness, he never said or did anything weird to ME. But that has changed. Last year when I was pregnant, I thought my life had changed for the better. I moved out to NJ to start our family (accidental pregnancy) and we both had great jobs and obtained a gorgeous apartment. I got fired from my job for being pregnant and the spotlight was put on him to be "man of the house". Just 2 months in, he didn't pay rent for two months and I came to find out because of court letters in the mail. I never found out what he did with his paychecks, but I can assume it was drugs.

The next few months are somewhat of a blur. I gave birth and just 5 days later he almost killed all of us in a car high on Promethazine (which I have no idea how he convinces his doctor to give it to him!).

Let me just fast forward. We ended up being evicted, he completely messed up our car, he sold my iPhone, my kindle fire and constantly stole money from me. He became a totally different person. Come to find out, he was using heroin. Heroin. Wow.

After heroin, he moved to FL for a month and now he is back and supposedly "recovered". The problem is I am constantly nervous around him and I do not feel comfortable. Because we were evicted, I ended up moving into a "boarding house" with my son and I live in a small room. He got back last week and I haven't stopped being scared since the first night.

Basically, he is telling me that I am mind controlling our 7 month old. He also tells me that "something is wrong with him". On the first night, he woke up screaming from a nightmare saying "LET GO OF ME AND MY ######6 SON!". The second night, he accused me of giving him strange looks in the dark (all while I was TRULY asleep).

The third day he went into a manic mode where he couldn't stop moving. He was up from 8:30 am up until 8 pm "cleaning" the room. Later that day, he asked me if I have ever wished death upon him and of course I said no. He then said that he thinks so because the night before - again, in my sleep - I made a sign with my hand like I wanted to slice his neck off and threw up a gang sign.

At this point, needless to say, I am extremely freaked out.

I know nothing about gangs and as a matter of fact, I am scared to death of that type of stuff. At the very beginning of our relationship, he told me a story about how he was destined to become a huge drug lord but he gave it all up for me. And that "they" tried to "initiate him" into the gang by sending him signs through basketball games (the announcers were supposedly saying things directly to him). He also said his ex girlfriend was in on it because she would give him hints too and throw up signs. He said people on the streets gave him looks and said strange things to him related to what he "had to do" to get in. This story freaked me out so badly that I went into an anxiety attack, but he assured me I didn't need to worry and that he was fine and so was I.

Two days ago I was sitting at my desk and I was scratching my arm pit. He got up super fast from the bed and asked me what I was just doing while holding my hand. I said "nothing! scratching my armpit!" and he said "NO! YOU WERE DOING THIS!" and he turned my hand into a b. I said I had no idea what he was talking about and he was like "yeah, whatever. you're not fooling me anymore."

I was SO confused.

The last thing that happened was yesterday when he woke me up at 8:30 am asking me "what did you just say?!" and I said "nothing" and he goes "you said 'I knew it' - you know WHAT?" and again, I was startled and confused, especially since I had just woken up abruptly. He said to me "this is the last ######6 time you do this to me! you know exactly what you're doing!"

Ok so...all in all, I am so scared of him. Last night we got into a huge fight because I asked him 'are you going to let me sleep peacefully tonight?' and that made him explode for some reason. In his head, it was an irrational question. He then took my keys and stormed out of my place. Honestly, it was the best night's sleep I've gotten since he came back.

He refuses to get real help and since he is 25 years old, his family and I can't ask a hospital to keep him against his will for the proper treatment he needs.

I want to separate from him at this point. I love him, but I realize that I am losing my own mind having to deal with him day in and day out. I am trying to pick my life up after he ###$ it up with all his drug abuse and irresponsibilities and I am trying to run a small business. I can't concentrate on what I need to do with him around.

At this point I am even scared of going to bed next to him because I fear he's going to wake me up with a nightmare of his own or accusing me of throwing up gang signs or staring at him in the dark.

I also fear that a.) it's all paranoia and I don't want to deal with this kind of person or b.) he might be involved in some gang stuff that has him paranoid and I could be in danger along with my son.

This is all VERY unsettling. I do NOT know what to do.

Help please!!!

You can't continue to live in fear in this way, and you have a young child. The issue here isn't his illness, as he is choosing to take drugs and is causing you to live in fear. Please contact your nearest Domestic Violence shelter for urgent help and advice. Don't let him know you are doing this. If you are in immediate danger, then please contact the police.