Need Help with HPD friend

Hi Everybody!
I've been browsing this site for a while now and I've been very
encouraged by what I've seen. I posted in the relationship forum
months ago but this forum seems more on topic for my issues.
I would really appreciate some insight on the situation that I'm in
right now.

I'll try to keep this short - though it may be difficult.

I met a woman at work about 18 months ago and we quickly became
good friends. We used to meet outside at work during our spare time
and we would talk about things and just enjoy each other's company.
She acted VERY interested in me - always complimenting me, laughing
at my dumb jokes and talking about me to her friends. After a few months
I realized that I was having feelings for her. After some more months
went by I finally confessed that to her. Well, she kind of freaked out and
acted like she had no idea why I'd be feeling like that. From that point things
got very awkward and it felt kind of strained when we talked.

So during this time I sent her a very innocent Email when she was home for
a few days and she basically replied "Go away and leave me alone."
I was devastated because I really don't think I did anything wrong. Well
I honored her wishes anyway and kept my distance so as not to create any
more problems. When we happened to cross paths she would ignore or
avoid me. During this time she must have talked to her friends because
they started avoiding and ignoring me too!

Then, to my surprise, 2 months later she started talking to me again out of the
blue like nothing had happened at all. It wasn't exactly the same, but she stopped
avoiding me and we had a few short conversations over the next couple of
months. It wasn't great, but it was OK.

Then, for no reason that I can see, she started avoiding me again and
will only say Hi in passing. If there's any chance that I might approach her she
avoids me like the plague. I, in turn, am making no attempts to approach her for
fear of making things worse again.

And that's pretty much where things are right now.
I really suspect that she has HPD and I'm wondering if there's anything I can do
to have a stable friendship with her or is this going to be a continuous
cycle and should I just move on and forget about
even trying. As you can tell - that's not what I really want to do.

So my questions are - Does this sound like HPD ? and Is there anything
I can do to mend this friendship?

Any thoughts, suggestions, comments would be very much appreciated.
Thanks for "Listening"

Hi NotMe
Welcome to the SOF&F forum.

Obviously I cannot say whether or not your friend has HPD, but I will say that some who might be HPD have this almost planetary orbital quality to their relationships with you, or maybe the moth circling the flame is a better analogy.
They come in very warm and open, secure your attention and admiration, and just when it seemed natural that some kind of deeper beautiful connection was going to happen between the two of you, they run away. If just once or twice, maybe she is just a normal woman testing to see how you react to rejection or how much you like her, etc. But if this happens more than three to four times, especially over a short time period, then you know something like this is up (needless to say, very bewildering, and frustrating).

This quoted from "12 Types Of Women To Avoid"
(see http://m.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_10 ... dvice.html)

#4- Miss Elusive
This woman is closely allied to Miss Romance, but with a dark side. She is usually one of the "walking wounded" -- someone who has been hurt in past relationships and so subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present. Your association with her will be one of utter frustration, as first she shows great interest in you, but very quickly runs away -- then repeats this cycle over and over again. Miss Elusive is the queen of mixed messages. She will flirt with you and date you, but you'll never get past "friend" status. What you will get is a million excuses for her unavailability, all calculated to deceive herself that she just doesn't have time for a relationship. Save yourself some heartache -- don't get involved with her.

BTW I could see BPD, HPD, or NPD women behaving in this manner, though not implying that your friend has one of these disorders.

Possible explanations for "walking wounded":
(1) fear of intimacy, due to past traumatic relationships,
(2) lack of confidence in establishing a closer relationship, due to lack of empathy, dissociation episodes, or some other PD behavioral feature that causes them a lack of confidence,
(3) fear of a closer relationship with a man, due to a symbolic or actual incestual relationship with a male family member (usually their father).

^ BTW NotMe if you are after platonic friendship (not romance) and are frustrated by the friendship never deepening the obstructions will be similar, perhaps just less intense. In this situation some with PDs will still be afraid to enter into a deeper friendship, because the secondary features of their disorder might make them afraid of being judged as wierd or 'crazy.' Such features may include low empathy levels, dissociation, magical or thinking, self-centeredness, etc.
In this kind of situation, when the friend you seek is elusive, you can try and earn their trust by accepting them as a 'free spirit,' but it would be wise to keep in mind that the results can be...elusive (pun intended).
If a person actually has HPD, one of the bolder secondary traumatic and diagnostic flags is that they can have problems maintaining deeper friendships as well as romantic relationships...some of those who have a more fleeing component to their behavior might also actually be combination diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder.

Thanks very much Orion for your reply. I hope more people will be as kind and offer up their thoughts too. I would like to keep things platonic with my friend as I am married and older than she is. I am still so hurt by her actions even after 6 months that I get upset sometimes just by seeing her pass by briefly. She seems oblivious to my pain, I guess I should have been wary when she told me without any emotion whatsoever how she had broken up with her last boyfriend.
Also, I noticed, when we were still good friends, that she pretty much only hung out with me and didn't pay much attention to her other friends whom she always hung out with before. Now that we're not speaking she is back to hanging with them again. I wonder how that feels to them! Kind of like she uses them until she can find someone better.
I noticed also that she seems almost fearful of being approached by me. The running and hiding when she thinks I'll approach her seems to suggest this. It seems like she may be afraid that I'll want a deeper conversation than usual. Our conversations are usually very shallow and she seems to avoid any kind of deeper topics. With our recent issues she probably realizes that I'd like a serious discussion and is trying to avoid it. Does that sound logical if she was HPD?
So I still have to wonder if she is just one of these people who plays games or is she really HPD.
Any way of really knowing or will it take time to reveal itself?

While I cannot agree more to what Orion8591 said, I would compliment you though for the sincere friendship that you are offering. Friendship with a woman who acts like she possible has HPD is hard. But you would have to understand that this is not something she wanted. So continue being patient and hang in there.