A non-diagnostic term to describe someone's NPD? Need help.

I need to "out" someone who most likely has NPD. (I've been browsing this forum as well as doing general reading, and every odd or hurtful thing he's done lately has its analog here.) This would be a limited communication to the board, paying members and volunteers of a local nonprofit corporation.

I understand that this can be risky in terms of retaliation, but there's already been some back-and-forth sparring, so I think I have the measure of this man. I don't think violence, smearing, financial or career sabotage are likely. (We have both threatened to go legal, but his threat was purely ego-driven and would have been a disaster for him had he gone ahead.) So please don't warn me off -- this needs to happen, to help prevent others from being similarly abused.

I am asking for a good way to describe this man's abusive behavior while avoiding the use of specific or general diagnostic terminology; I'm hoping to further protect myself against a lawsuit for defamation. I am not looking for legal advice; I've spent a lot of time in the law library and online, so I have a good idea of what, where and how I can discuss this without it being actionable in court.

But I'm a bit stuck on how to describe his NPD. I want to avoid the direct use of that term, obviously. I can't use "malignant narcissist" -- he's not that bad, and that looks like a term that's used for diagnosis. I thought of using "pathological narcissist," but that may also be used in diagnosis.

Currently I favor the term "abusive narcissist," which is certainly truthful based on his conduct, but doesn't seem to be something a doctor would pronounce as a formal diagnosis.

So my question is, would "abusive narcissist" be a good way to describe someone who IS an abusive narcissist, while still being a layman's opinion and not anything close to a doctor's diagnosis?

Wow.

Unless he has broken the law in some way, there isn't much you can do. Being an @$$hole isn't illegal; as far as I know.

IMO, if you are going to proceed with something like this, I would avoid labels and focus on specific behaviors or incidences that occurred. "Namecalling" is vague; so the examples you give to support your claim should provide evidence to who he really is. Be objective as possible, and get as much information as you can.

Document everything, and contact witnesses if necessary.

Words that describe an N: Deceptive, self-serving and lacks accountability.

Good Luck.

OP, after reading your post, I feel like someone just asked "What is the best way for me to poke a cobra with a stick?"

Take a good, honest look at your motivation. You say your goal is protecting others, but is that really your goal? Are you sure you're not just out for some revenge?

The tone of your post is very "I'm going to right a wrong, consequences be damned" -- and honestly, that reminds me of how my Narcissistic mom would get, just before she did something awful. Righteousness is often how Ns justify their bad behavior to themselves.

Are other people really going to observe whatever you do and say "oh, now I know... thanks!" -- or are they going to wonder what your problem is?

Be careful.

It sounds like you think he's a narc and you want to use that as defence in the court room? Uhm, I'm sorry to say but the only people who can give a diagnosis is a trained professional! Listing all the traits you think he has in the court room will get you nowhere. And as someone already said, it's not illegal to be an asshole.

To Saint Uriel "The Archangel". Seems that your doing things definitely for your own benefit, doesn't really seem for others as you mentioned. Almost as if you have "N traits" yourself.... Why would you come to a place where people feel comfortable in speaking of their issues to ask how to beat one in court? Especially when there are so many sites geared to people "involved" or "have been involved" with people who have "NPD". IMO you would have more help from somebody who has been on the other side of the fence rather than the people on this side. Another question, why is it St. Uriel you have picked as your profile pic? May fall on another "N trait" note.... I work to be better because of having this disorder and for my own reason's your tactics coming here bothers me and im sure im not the only one.

There seems to be some misunderstanding . . . I do not plan on taking him to court for the present, but I wish to avoid HIM taking ME to court (successfully, anyway). I'm trying to stay within the bounds of fair comment on an issue of legitimate community interest. My plan is to describe his conduct and how it matches up to someone with NPD, along with some suggestions and recommendations.

My main thrust is to make sure the volunteers and the board know about it: the former, because they're vulnerable; the latter, because (once warned) they could be personally liable should the N stray into abusive conduct once more. I am hoping this will make board members a little more responsible, which they most definitely have NOT been so far.

One of the trickiest parts of dealing with an N is how it can be difficult -- often impossible -- to communicate the N's abuses to other people.

What often happens is the person accusing the N often ends up looking like the one with the problem. Making the person even more vulnerable to the N.

Just a heads-up.

"stubborn" is a word i've often heard people use to describe Ns