Saying "I love you" [possible HPD relationship]

I'm still processing a variety of things that occurred between my possible HPD ex-gf and myself.

This morning I was thinking about how early on in our knowing each other, before our relationship turned romantic, she would send me texts out of the blue saying she loved me, as in "I love you baby!"

At this point I enjoyed her quite a bit, and she and I were in near daily contact, but I thought this a little peculiar -- at this point she definitely seemed to have more feelings for me than I did for her -- but her declarations of love seemed out of proportion to the extent we knew each other thus far, or time we had spent together. So, I would usually respond "That's so nice of you to say, thank you."

Eventually my feelings for her did grow and we did start a dating type relationship. But when she would seem distant, and it was I who said "I love you" to her, she would just scoff as if she didn't believe it and think I am crazy and I had no basis for my feelings. She could no longer tell me she loved me.

Is there any explanation for this "switch"?

Hi!!!

I think it's because she wanted to get your attention, she wanted you to tell her again and again that you loved her...

Mabe she's BDP?

I'm a little BDP, and what you said sounds kinda familiar to me... I want people to tell me over and over "I love you, you are important to me" .

ArthurK wrote:I'm still processing a variety of things that occurred between my possible HPD ex-gf and myself.

This morning I was thinking about how early on in our knowing each other, before our relationship turned romantic, she would send me texts out of the blue saying she loved me, as in "I love you baby!"

At this point I enjoyed her quite a bit, and she and I were in near daily contact, but I thought this a little peculiar -- at this point she definitely seemed to have more feelings for me than I did for her -- but her declarations of love seemed out of proportion to the extent we knew each other thus far, or time we had spent together. So, I would usually respond "That's so nice of you to say, thank you."

Eventually my feelings for her did grow and we did start a dating type relationship. But when she would seem distant, and it was I who said "I love you" to her, she would just scoff as if she didn't believe it and think I am crazy and I had no basis for my feelings. She could no longer tell me she loved me.

Is there any explanation for this "switch"?

I actually did the same thing over and over.. made it into some huge dramatic thing, doing whatever I had to do to get him to say he reciprocated even if he didn't and then kicked him to the moon.

I'm new here. I have been married to a HPD for 20 years. My heart has been smashed by her, but that is a long story.

About two weeks into dating, my wife told me "I love you, I know this is crazy, but I love you."
She steamrolled me with attention and affection. I was amazed, and even a bit overwhelmed.
One peculiar thing, she always accused me of not loving her. I could never figure this out.

Then, suddenly, about 5 years into our marriage, she turned the love and affection off. She no longer said "I love you" unless she wanted something. If I tried to touch her or hug her she would get angry. I was devastated over this. I spent years trying to get her love and affection back. Then, I discovered HPD and I realized that it's not coming back.

I actually did the same thing over and over.. made it into some huge dramatic thing, doing whatever I had to do to get him to say he reciprocated even if he didn't and then kicked him to the moon.

That's really interesting Questioning...what was the underlying reason though? Like...

Was it because you really thought you did love him, but once he did reciprocate it scared you to get what you thought you wanted? I mean, yeah, this could be a BPD trait -- come close, go away kind of thing.

Or was it a game or chase and that was your only interest in and of itself?

Or was it a way to retaliate against past hurts by other men...so if you could rope him into loving you then kick him to the curb there was some kind of revenge toward men?

Or maybe once he did love you too, did he seem to change and not be as attractive -- like maybe he was more sensitive then and it didn't come across as manly so he lost his appeal?

Well, don't mean to grill you, just trying to understand the root of such a switch.

I spent years trying to get her love and affection back. Then, I discovered HPD and I realized that it's not coming back.

It seems amazing you have stayed married for 20 years...but that must be the "long story" part of it. Thanks for sharing your experience on this.

[quote="ArthurK]
That's really interesting Questioning...what was the underlying reason though? Like...

Was it because you really thought you did love him, but once he did reciprocate it scared you to get what you thought you wanted? I mean, yeah, this could be a BPD trait -- come close, go away kind of thing.

Maybe in part. Everything scares me so I suppose that could have something to do with it.

Or was it a game or chase and that was your only interest in and of itself?
Yes, definitely part of the game

Or was it a way to retaliate against past hurts by other men...so if you could rope him into loving you then kick him to the curb there was some kind of revenge toward men?

No, I love men, it was about me, not a man

Or maybe once he did love you too, did he seem to change and not be as attractive -- like maybe he was more sensitive then and it didn't come across as manly so he lost his appeal?

The appeal was lost once I got him. For me it was all about the drama in order to gain what I wanted, no matter how I did it which is N traits too.

Well, don't mean to grill you, just trying to understand the root of such a switch. [/quote]

I don't feel grilled, don't worry. Basically an open book until I say "I'd rather not answer

I mean, I don't understand why 'normal' people put so much value on the word 'i love you'

'i love my cat' 'i love this food' 'i love your cloth' 'i love his songs!'
love is just love...
your interpretation of that saying is way too serious...

sometimes when i date guys i just say i love you and i tell them to say it back
and they usually say 'saying i love you means something to me'
then i say 'i see... but you can just say it without meaning anything, for me'

And then they always mean it too much finally
which I appreciate....
those seriousness of non guys are just too lovely hell

it's really ont like trying to decewive you or anything

like my emotion soar up, excited, happy, and i can't help but have to pour affection, say 'i love you'
etc it's as if i view a human male in front of me like some adorable lovely lovely puppy or kitten
but then they react tooooo seriously

is it really our 'fault'?!

it's really ont like trying to decewive you or anything

like my emotion soar up, excited, happy, and i can't help but have to pour affection, say 'i love you'
etc it's as if i view a human male in front of me like some adorable lovely lovely puppy or kitten
but then they react tooooo seriously

is it really our 'fault'?!

Thanks for that explanation Yyyyy that truly is enlightening. It's almost like it's coming from a sweet place of innocence. But I guess if you can understand that it might cause a non to take it more seriously, and feel pain, but you do it anyway, I would say you have some fault in the matter, not all, but some.

-- Mon Apr 15, 2013 8:49 am --

And then they always mean it too much finally
which I appreciate....
those seriousness of non guys are just too lovely hell

Funnyyyyy