Bipolar or brush off

I recently reconnected with someone I dated about 20 years ago. We were never serious back then but I was always fond of him. We became Facebook friends a couple of years ago but we never really talked on there. He messaged me a few weeks ago and after talking all day via text he asked me out. We went out the following evening and had a great date. We got together again the following evening and a handful of other times. On that second meeting he told me he was bipolar. Along with being bipolar he is separated from his wife and she was not allowing him to see his one year old son. For two weeks things were great. He was attentive. He seemed genuine. He said that he really liked me and his actions were consistent with that. I knew that he was having a hard time with his wife and he was missing his son and we talked about it often. I was doing all that i could to be helpful and be his friend. When we were together he was very present. After another weekend without being able to see his son things really seemed to change. His texts came with less frequency. Things seemed strained. Forced. On Thursday night we had plans to get together. I checked in with him later in the day to make sure he was going to be up to it and he said yes. Then, just as I was about to leave home he cancelled. He said he was in a really bad place. He felt like she was out to get him. He was hurting. And his bipolar wasn't helping. He said maybe he just needed a little time because he really liked me. That was almost two weeks ago. He has never texted me unless I texted first. And I have tried not to text at all. I know he was finally allowed to see his son this past weekend and again today. I checked in both times to see how his visits were but I always kept it brief. He has never asked me how I was doing. Or feeling. Or if I was ok. Even tonight when I told him to have a good night he just said "thank you". This whole thing is driving me crazy!! I have read and read and read about bipolar disorder. I had no understanding of what it was or what a person with it would go through. Sometimes I feel like maybe he is just in a depressive state and when things go back on the upswing he will reach out to me again. But then, based on his lack of interest in anything that might be going on with me, I wonder if it's just him brushing me off. I care about him a lot. I'm not sure what I'm doing. Or what I should be doing. I'm trying to live my life as I did before we reconnected, but sometimes I feel so consumed with the questions, that I can't think about anything else. Did I do something? Is he brushing me off? Or is he just depressed so he is shutting me out? Is there anyone out there that has some experience, strength and hope they can offer? I know under normal circumstances I wouldnt be bothered by this. But because of our history. Because I have spent 20 years with nothing but fond memories of him, and because of that two weeks, it's been much harder for me to just let it go. Any advice is welcome. I'm all ears!

This isn't your fault. He's just in a down mood right now. I can tell you that when the depression hits, it hits hard. And sometimes being alone, or just being quiet is a way people cope. It's not personal, and he will be back to normal, but if you really want this you're going to have to be prepared to fight through this with him. And it's not easy because he has no control, and trust me, while he will appreciate you being there and caring, it's not going to be enough to make him feel better.
Don't blame yourself. It's hard, I understand. But don't. If you're upset, and he does come to you, it's going to be that much harder for both of you.

I'm sorry you've got to go through what you are though. It's not easy, and feel free to ask or rant about whatever is bothering you. This is going to pass. Stay strong and take care of yourself!

So what should I do? Leave him alone and wait for him to get through it? Check in with him occasionally and see how he is?

I would suggest checking in on him, but not expecting a reply. At least, not right away. When he is ready he will answer. Just make it known that you care and are worried and that you're willing to be there if he needs someone. It's all you can do, and it will make a difference to him.

Hi. We now have a new forum for Significant Others, so I'll move your thread there and leave a shadow thread in Relaitonships.

Personally i would not presume this is bipolar behaviour. I would presume he's not interested. Incidentally i also reconnected with an old boyfriend after 20 years through facebook. It was quite devastating for me but at the beginning before i understood what it was really about someone said to me, that there was nothing in it. She ended up being right. At least nothing in it for me.

I would suggest to protect yourself, let this guy go immediately and don't hold out for anything. I"ve really learnt my lesson and understood that when guys are interested in you, they will move hell and high water to be with you. If they don't do that, then they aren't interested and the sooner you can forget them, the less pain you will experience.

From watching the batchelor and reading the book He's just not that into you, and my own experiences, i have finally recognised that generally nicish men (most men), are afraid of rejecting women openly so they tend to do it by hinting and not being available rather than telling you straight they are not interested. They don't like to inflict pain and they don't like the drama that might result so they just hope we'll get the hint and leave them go. I've realised too that this may be because they themselves have experienced a fair bit of rejection in their efforts to hook up with the girls they like.

I would question if he is interested in a relationship at all. At this time he is likely most focused on sorting things out with his son and secondarily his previous relationship. If his ex is not letting him see his son, clearly there are issues that you don't know about. It seems he is interested in you, as you stated that he told you he was. However, his short replies and not asking about your well being imply he is preoccupied with his own issues which further imply that at this time there is not a lot of room in his life for the energy required to foster another relationship. While this is life and is his path, I suggest you seriously consider if you want to put yourself on this path. If you do decide to continue to pursue things with this man, I would suggest checking in periodically without too much expectation, as previous post advised, and doing your best to maintain an emotional distance.
Or you could try to get together again, or call him, and communicate that you understand he is going through a lot and needs time to sort it out but you have a life of your own to focus on and would love to hear from him if or when he is ready. Wish him luck, but make it clear that in the meantime, you will be on to other things but open to hearing from him in the future.
Good luck.