My *mod edit* Ejaculation Problem

Well my new business launched and I've been so stressed out about that and not being able to go and see my girl I've been able to do nothing else. Waiting in vain for that appointment to come through and get my CBT on.

I'm excited about the idea of a self hypnosis session geared towards this problem, and the folks are either con artists or absurdly confident to offer a 90 day money back guaruntee. I'm also extremely grateful you'd offer to share it with me, thanks a lot. I feel a little less isolated in my problem posting in this thread and offers like that are great cheers.

I'm pleased to hear your doing well. It sounds like from the tone of your posting there is a sense of action, you are actively working towards a solution and regardless of whether what your doing at the minute succeeds at least you are doing something and actively seeking a solution. Its great stuff. I kinda get the idea that if your problem is mostly mental that is great, because from what I've seen if you get the right material, the right therapist or the right moment, moment of insight or epiphany and BOOM you've written over that destructive mental pattern and changed it forever. All it takes is getting there and if your determined you will.

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Welcome to the newcomer! Can I ask you said you can't come inside your wife does that mean you can come outside? I ask because I've always lacked that confidence to and that alone would be a victory for me.

Hi guys
Im so glad I found this site and these comments. I am going insane. Do you mind if I tell you the score with me and get some feedback, fair dos to you all for coming on to find answers because its a problem!
I have just come home to an email from a local hypnotherapist guaranteeing that my problem will be solved ib 6-9 weeks. Im sceptical of course but he has offered a free consultation to assure me and prove it!

Just do it man, you got nothing to lose from a free consultation.

Just keep plugging away, if he is good I'm sure it will work. THe more I've looked into it the more I am utterly convinced altering those triggers and presupposed ideas that form how we approach and feel every situation is the key to changing our conscious behaviour (like all that self chatter etc that gets anxiety going and probably contributes) though it sounds like in your case you'd really benefit from the fleshlight resensitisation training. If you've looked through the posts you'll have seen that blog that references it.

Willpower and positive thought won't do it alone, we aren't really our concious selves but a mountain of compounded experience and feelings. Hypnotherpay will hopefully cut through that with a knife and place in a whole new set of suppositions and filters through which your lifes actions will filter and fix your problem. Read about some Milton Erikson if your interested in how it all came about, and to read about its efficacy.

With the internet porn thing you've got an idea in your head, you've trained your brain to be aroused by porn and to come with porn. You've built a pattern there and your brain is locked into it, you can't break a pattern once it is formed but you can put a new one over the top of it.

, i have what people think is a perfect life-but each day i just feel lower and lower as I cant enjoy the one thing I love alot!

Yeah man I think we've all been there and I'm not saying we've all got through it but I think taking the right steps will get you there. First thing is first you should investigate learning to conciously manage your mental states. Relaxation and anxiety exercises otherwise this depression will build resentment towards yourself and your partner especially (I think some of us begin to hate our partners for being normal odd as that sounds)

The right hypnotherapy is going to help, I've recommended meditation and self hypnosis in this thread and the other poster is having a good time with cognitive behavioural therapy that I want to get at myself. The main thing that is going to stop you sinking lower and lower though is getting a bit of attitude towards the problem, getting in your head that you are going to fix it and keep trying and trying until you find something that works. I know the temptation to give up, but that will sink you into depression even further.

At the minute having cycled through so many things I'm set on Paul Mckennas hypnosis and meditation. I'd rather pay for professional hypnotherapy so if you've got the money please do it and let us know what effect it has.


At this point I'd also like to mention some tantric stuff I've listened to from a site called personalifemedia where they talked about sexual orgasm training and how you can increase sensation through focusing on that area, just another random thought - I get a lot of them. The sexual knowledge contained within the tantric system seems incredible and the results people get are equally stunning. It seems there are bodies of knowledge out there that could be incredibly useful if anyone ever found the time to catalogue and draw it altogether. If I ever did make it rich that would be how I would spend my days I think, bring together all the knowledge and offer out free treatment courses as it would be of use to people like us.

/rant off.... I'm an veritable bag of $#%^ emotions right now and rambling helps. I'm going to go and relax maybe try a bit of roy masters meditation or paul mckennas hypnosis. For some reason I'll be damned if I can sit through ''the dive'' at all. Just get incredibly bored and frustrated. Is that a symptom of something maybe? To anxious or restless, it shouldn't be difficult to sit still for 30m without checking a clock> I'll stick to the guided stuff for now.

Listen guys its very cathartic for me to read about your progress keep checking in.

PP. Actually my ramble isn't off. You know it occurs to me that internet porn could be the yeti hiding in the closet (can't imagine the right metaphor, red herring perhaps). People often accuse cannabis of causing scizophrenia, without getting into the politics or the science to much; it is often the case that they are self medicating to control themselves and the cannabis is after the fact not before the fact, or it is merely a trigger for an underlying condition. What I'd like to posit is the idea that some of us are perhaps already in a disassociative disorder, or some other disorder that led us to avoid intimacy and medicate ourselves with a way to satisfy our needs that doesn't require us to break down our defences.

It could be one or it could be the other or a generous helping of both who knows. As I said I'm just letting my mouth run because of a desire to avoid living inside my own head I suspect. I shudder to think of a professional psychologist reading my thoughts, everyone hates an amateur armchair commentator but since there is bugger all else being written about it except by people like us why not.

hi Zwick, thanks for the info I will certainly check out the MP3 download. Il let you know how that progresses.

yes we can have sex on a regular basis but I am not finding myself shying away from it because Il feel wick afterwards. In answer to your questions, Oral isnt something my wife enjoys doing, so dont tend to go there, when we do no, i dont come. I can masturbate and cum in time with her 'in the room' so to speak lol...

I hope its just the reprogramming and trust me, have been practising hard at reprogramming. It was devastating when it hit me that I have a problem, but hopefully now, after looking for help, it can be sorted!

Hope you are getting on well!

Same here benjo. Realizing I had a problem hurt a lot. I was a wreck for a few days but believe me.. It's the hardest step and be happy you've taken it.

Report on any progress... Wish you and the wifey all the best.



PJC.

I'm taking a glance at the personallifemdia webpage. Looks like there are many interesting discussions there. Do you recommend any episodes in particular?

An update to anyone still following this thread.


Over the past three weeks I've pretty much realized my problem is 100% mental.


PJC: I've been listeing to paul mckenna lately and his stuff is great.


I've also been listeing to the hypnosis download geared directly towards DE.

Climaxing in the fleshlite takes me anywhere from 8 - 20 minutes depending on my mood. I can do it while thrusting and not touching my penis with my hand at alll. This convinces me it's all mental when it comes to real sex.


My partner has yet to return from her work vacation so all of my self-development has yet been put to the test. 90% of the time I am very optamistic it will happen but the other 10% of the time the fear of failure creeps nin and is almost overhwelming. To think all of this hard work may be for nothing.


As a cherry on top i've decided to explore NLP. I'll be seeing an NLP coach once a week for the next three weeks prior to her return. I figured why not... Let's attack the monster from all angles.

I'm excited about the NLP for many reasons. It seems to be very succesfull when dealing with other issues and comes highly recommended from speaking to people online.

Cheers

Good luck.

One thing that's really helped me...

If you can, ditch the condoms. I'm still yet to cum with one on. The difference is HUGE for me, might be the same for you.

Slow down your strokes. Really experience the feeling of her pussy. No need to hump like a rabbit or porn star. Take long, slow deep strokes. lastly, make sure your both well lubed up. good luck.

An update to anyone still following this thread.


Over the past three weeks I've pretty much realized my problem is 100% mental.

I've been hoping you'd post actually. I'm so close to my new business starting and the money situation has really been stressing me out I haven't been inclined to post but did want to know how things were progressing for you.

I feel that mental thing anyway. Like I've had my brain wired wrong by a mixture of anxiety and reliance on porn. Worst part is I've found I've been so stressed that I'm constantly using porn like I use food, to calm myself down and stuff. I think I'm improving. I certainly stopped using cannabis or alcohol to regulate my moods and have to get rid of the last of my crutchs which is food and porn. Conscious management of mental states and stress is my biggest hurdle (but is probably the root of most addictions)

PJC: I've been listeing to paul mckenna lately and his stuff is great.

Every day or more than once a day for 3 weeks apparently conditions your brain into it, I haven't managed everyday but my visualisation skills and representational skills are getting very strong (if your interested in NLP you'll come to this).

One thing I have noticed is that the more I use the Paul Mckenna deep relaxation hypnosis the more that I get sometimes innocuous sometimes bad memories slipping to the surface that I'd forgotten about but trouble me when they come up. I use that technique of stepping out of the scene, putting a frame around it, greying it out, sending it to the distance, cracking the glass of the picture then shattering it. Because it is similar to another concept I read about in CBT that takes traumatic things out of your short term memory into long term where they can be shelved.

I've continued using Paul Mckenna and I went to that place and downloaded the hypnosis about stopping delayed ejaculation and also one about self esteem in relationships.

Now my initial impressions have blown me away. I've gotten very good at training my mind through hypnosis to create very strong trances, and when this bloke was telling me to imagine I was hitting the point of no return with my partner the imagination was so strong it was extremely intense to the point where my breathing accelerated and when he tells you to press your finger together; that is a process called anchoring and it works so I'm doing it. I don't know if it will work but I'm going to use it every day and hopefully when I meet my partner (who I'm just totally head over heels in love with) I can maintain a full on relationship with her. I hope so because we've talked together every day for about 5 hours for 8 months now and we really want to commit to each other. She says she doesn't care either way though, she just wants me in her life which is gratifying. But I needed the self esteem in relationships download because I just can't believe that is true right now.

I've also been listeing to the hypnosis download geared directly towards DE.

Climaxing in the fleshlite takes me anywhere from 8 - 20 minutes depending on my mood. I can do it while thrusting and not touching my penis with my hand at alll. This convinces me it's all mental when it comes to real sex.

See I find when I'm not in front of my partner on cam I cam come in two minutes, when she is on cam it takes anything up to 8-15 minutes with an increasingly strong grip. That tells me that desensitisation is also partly mental too.

What I'm saying is that the unconscious mind can do anything you want it to given the right triggers. And I think fixing the mental part will make the desensitisation irrelevant. Your unconscious will make you cum when you want it too.

Think Ron Jeremy the pornstar who can make himself come when it is appropriate, he says he can literally count it down to come just when the shot is right. He treats orgasm just like another skill.

My partner has yet to return from her work vacation so all of my self-development has yet been put to the test. 90% of the time I am very optamistic it will happen but the other 10% of the time the fear of failure creeps nin and is almost overhwelming. To think all of this hard work may be for nothing.

More Paul Mckenna for that (but I get that, at the minute probably worse!)

As a cherry on top i've decided to explore NLP. I'll be seeing an NLP coach once a week for the next three weeks prior to her return. I figured why not... Let's attack the monster from all angles.

I'm excited about the NLP for many reasons. It seems to be very succesfull when dealing with other issues and comes highly recommended from speaking to people online.

Cheers

I'm really really pleased to hear that. I reckon that if anything can fix you that can since it is more interested in structure and process than content. The coach will figure out what your brain is programmed to do, how to alter it and bobs your uncle then hopefully you can explain how to fix me!

If you want a good background the fundamental text for NLP is ''frogs into princes'' which I can send you if you like. It is kinda the thing that started it all and I'm busy reading it now and it continues to amaze me every time I sit down to it. It is only in PDF and not the best way of reading it but worth the discomfort. First 50 or so pages is more about other people than your own mind but still worth reading as it gives you a very good insight into how the brain works.

Give me a shout if you want it and I'll send it via Email or something.

Hey all, hope I'm not derailing this thread, but I have read the whole mega thread and came across this post in it which nobody responded to.

"My case of RE is very different.
1) I was raised in a strict religous/puritan background and so I guess masturbation made me feel
dirty when ever I tried it. I just gave up halfway when it started to get intense. I am about 24 and
have NEVER consciously come in my life except for wet-dreams at night. Sometimes I wake up right
before coming and try to consciously enjoy the experience but once i wake up the semen never comes
out. I just stay hard until the blood subsides and my penis goes flaccid. Now I am not sure whether
it is all as a result of religious background because I am also relatively control-conscious. I like

to be in charge of my emotions, finances, life, everything. Is this an offshoot of that?
2) I have some chronic lower back pain, I worked for a warehouse and did some heavy lifting with
improper techniques and have recurrent back and pelvic pain. Dont know if this contributes. I once
had this experience where I thrusted continously and felt like I came but there was no semen. I was
flaccid, drained but....
3)I was also a victim of sexual abuse ( more or less) when a guy I knew tried to rape me. I mean he
lay on me and was getting hard but I resisted and he got off. I dont know if there were subconscious
residues of that experience. I am 100% heterosexual, been in a couple of relationships that ended
because of frustration ( partner getting sore all the time). The chicks I had sex with, I didnt
really know their sexual history so I might have been apprehensive about getting a disease or
getting them pregnant. I keep putting off getting into a relationship because of the frustration
that lies down the road. Any help will be gratefully appreciated. I am currently depressed, sad,
lonely and confused."


My situation is similar to his, I have NEVER NEVER NEVER, being able to come while being awake. Not once. Masturbation, sex, it doesn't matter. Only in wet dreams. One of the contributing factors mentioned for RE, was atypical matsurbation patterns while young. I didn't try to Masturbate until I was 20. (I'm 29 now) I never really followed through on thoughts of arousal for some reason.
Computer porn on that subject doesn't get me off. I can go 1 week without masturbating easily, because it's kidna pointless to me. The initial arousal stage is all that I get. I have given up on Masurbation after about 2 hours (always get pre-ejaculate and thats about it)
Its funny cos wet dreams (about once a week) seem to not take too long. It is all subjective though as I can't measure time in dreamland. I have been to one sex-therapist on this to no effect. Any ideas on this? Is there anyone else out there who cannot come at all while awake?
Thanks

ps
I can start a new thread on this if ye wish.

man help me please dude im 20 years old and it sound like u can help man im in a hole please help

I've just had a huge breakthrough, I'm extremely pleased. I've accomplished more than I ever thought would be possible at stages in my life, there is a light at the end of the tunnel it isn't a train and I can't smell anything buring.

Hey Ronin it is bloody late here but when I've got a bit more time I'll get in contact. Can't do much more than pass you all the info that has been aquired by the members here and the personal experiences but what I'm doing is working for me. It took about ten years for me to get motivated to do all the reading and the exercises, I'm not going to lie a lot depends on how much you want to help yourself and how willing you are to try out what seems like at first a whole lot of crazy $#%^.

The only thing I would say is that a combination of all the stuff I've been doing combined with someone I could lose some of my shyness with and a lot of communication and I'm seeing results. So there is hope. This crap about therapists only being able to cure people 55% of the time or something like that really got me depressed and pessimistic until I realised perhaps the problem isn't with the patients it is with the therapists.

Im 38 married with 2 kids ( yes they are mine) and have suffered with R.E all my sexual life....
If any of the posters still view this board please reply..as has been discussed earlier on this thread ive beat myself up with why me for years...and would love to actually not feel alone with it. if anyone is there let me know and ill glady tell my story and experiences.... as youll see ive always been determined to get over this but in truth not always helped myself.
That said i only yesterday discovered online what a fleshlight is...surfice to say it was ordered within an hour...hope some is still there.