My *mod edit* Ejaculation Problem

I decided to have a read so that I can better understand my partner who is experiencing similar anxieties. I will tell you this much, it has definitely helped me to understand how difficult and horrible it all must seem from the mans perspective.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with me.

I will just tell you a little about the emotional rollercoaster that the female goes through: From my experience I get concerned when I see him so upset and anxious because I feel like I could be doing something differently to help the situation. Then I try but I find that his defenses just push me away. It at times does make me feel unwanted but I have found that kissing is communicating the love by discussing all the good times we have had and what we love about one another really does help.

I just can't wait until I see my man next so I can give him the biggest hug and tell him how much I love him. I think I will make a special dinner tonight.

Thanks again,
Joan of Arc.

Hey man, I really enjoyed reading your first post. I have the same problem, but have had success.

I created a blog for guys with RE with a treatment regime which helped me out, here is the link http://www.retardedejaculationtreatment.blogspot.com

Anyway, I still have never cum with a condom. However, when barebacking I can ejaculate the majority of the time. I still fail sometimes (and then I keep thinking about it, which makes it worse) but overall I've been able to ejaculate for the majority of my sexual encounters.

Joan of Arc

The most important thing for an RE sufferer is an understanding partner. Kudos to you for sticking in there and being by his side... You should be proud of that.

It's nice to hear your perspective...... It is such a vicious cycle though. I personally get very upset seing my partner frustrated with the situation. I understand why she is frustrated and can't help but blame myself for making her feel that way and that in the end just causes more anxiety and pressure to come as well as angre for "hurting" her and making her feel inadequite even though she totally is not. Just like you are not. As hard as it is you will be helping yourself by reinforcing the notion that he does love you, you are sexy to him and he WANTS to be with you.


Welcome to the discussion


Retreatment

The blog looks very interesting at first glance. I'm going to spend a couple day's exploring it and eventually let yuu know if it has helped.. I'm sure it will.

PJC wrote:

Do you think it is your fault?

I'm obviously going to tell you its not, its just brain programming that is faulty and can be rewritten. A simple yet profound truth that my brain hasn't quite accepted.

Of course I think it's my fault and that is a constant battle in my head. The seeds of doubt are planted like you've said. I do have moments of reason where I'll tell myself it's all in the programming and I have the power to fix it but it's a rollercoaster you know?

PJC wrote:

I'm no psych. and would never pretend to be but I'd be surprised if any other problems you think you have are all part of one large underlying condition, that is either the RE or the cause of the RE.

I had another CBT appointment yesterday and just let it all out. I balled in front of the man and he put things into perspective for me in the same way you are. I brought up all my issues of saddness and suspected Bi-Polar disorder and without actually "laughing" he pretty much found it amusing because he is so convinced that I am not Bi-Polar. This was such a huge relief. He put it the same way you have.. That in my sad state (which is totally normal.. I am falling in love with the girl) My self doubt or underlying "issue" used this saddness as a propelant to the already huge fire. From there it was just a downward spiral. The key for me is to notice what triggers my negative thinking and stop the thought's dead in their tracks.

Why do I feel useless, inadequite, unwanted? And what are the opposites of those feelings?

PJC wrote:

This six weeks is probably a good thing mate. As you said you've got an absolute ton of stuff on your mind and crap loads of new information to digest. Think of it as some space to let all this sink into your brain and that potentially in six weeks time you could be that much better placed to not sabotage your relationship. If you like this woman make sure you keep in regular contact with her during this time and use the other spare time to relax properly and do whatever you feel like doing?.

Ya man for sure... I'm going to be positive about these 6 weeks. My goal is to recondition my penis. I havn't masterbated for 15 days now and I'm realizing maybe that's not the best thing. For one, blue balls suck and are irritating. Second, Stopping any physical stimulation completely is not a good idea.

I'll be investing in a fleshlite and concentrating on getting used to that feeling and ultimately coming without any aid of my hand. This task will solely be for physical purposes. I think it's essential to rewire the physical stimulation necessary between my head and my head. The goal is to reach ejaculation while thrusting into the fleshlite and not using any pornography.

The previous posters blog is fantastic. He has an amazing "how to" for re-sensitizing your nerves and how to properly stimulate your penis.

PJC wrote:
I can't wait to get out and see my friend but I'm going through financial upheavel at the moment and might not make it out there. I've just started a new business which will make me a very rich man but in going into it I feel like I grabbed a bag and jumped out of an aeroplane and I'm hoping like hell it has a parachute in it. I could lose my house and my car before the money starts rolling in so going on holiday would be enormously difficult. It was supposed to be the 27th of July and hell who knows I might do it yet if I can get a bank loan (because I'd risk anything to get to see her for real and she is equally enthused). I went into the idea of changing careers motivated by her and the problems of getting over there.

I guess if it doesn't work out though next month this thing I've launched myself into will really start coming together in less than a month hopefully, worst case scenario 2-3 months but afterwards I'll be ok and can go to her if she'll wait for me. She has waited 6 months and it will crush me to lose her, but c'est la vie. I am doing everything and more than I thought I could to make my dreams a reality.

It's unfortunate that money/distance is getting in the way but in your case it may be a good thing? I dunno. It seems like it's given you a lot of time to work on the psychological aspects of the RE. You've gathered so many resources and overall knowledge which is great and I thank you for sharing it with me.

How far is the travel anyway? maybe I can give you a lift :p.


The dive yesterday was the toughest one yet. It was post my therapy session so i was experiencing a great emmotional high. Keeping my eyes closed was a struggle as well as concentrating. My mind was racing so fast but i ended up getting through it.

As for my friend. today si our last day together before she leaves so it'll be bitter sweet. I know that sadness is inevitable but that's ok. I just can't let my self doubt abuse this sadness and plant negative thoughts in my head. So far the day's been great.


On a personal side note. My therapists ongoing diganosis of me is interesting. It seems like he is discounting any serious social anxiety at all. He does claim it's there but is leaning more towards self doubt and lack of self love problems.

Its a proper rollercoaster. I now no longer blame myself at all but then I'm not in a proper relationship maybe I will later when I'm in one, I certainly did last time. I've managed to convince myself on that issue but self judgement is a constant thing in other issues so I'm not resolved completely. I blame myself for not having the money to go and see her, I blame myself for not getting this business of the ground faster etc etc etc. Instead I should be seeing every negative as feedback and a way to improve.

The more I hear about your CBT sessions the more I know I need them. I'm going to make a public promise to book an appointment with my GP tomorrow. If I don't have an appointment tomorrow do me a favour and call me an idiot

The opposite of those feelings are self actualisation. When you feel secure confident and recognise your own value (which is huge). Whatever it is you need to do to build your ego do it. I'm not sure what though otherwise I would have done it. Whatever you feel like sharing from CBT please do. I'd like some advice on this one.

You know if this resensitising thing combined with the other things works we may have a full working theory on how to fix RE since nothing else seems to work. If it works for you, the above poster and me (when I can afford it)

My trip is from the UK to Thailand though if I wait to long she will be back in Australia and its even more expensive. I haven't been back into the dive. I'll be doing it again tonight but I've gone through the transition of jobs and never been so busy in my life, I'll see what happens.

Ahhh, A friend from across the pond. I'm in Canada so that lift to your lady friends house is out of the question


I spent tuesday evening with her and it was great. Now she's gone for 7 weeks.

I've dealt with it very well over the last couple days which is a surprise. I was such a wreck on sunday/monday right up until my therapy session.

I do miss her a lot already but the "sadness" is not overwhelming. It'll be interesting to see how I feel in 7 weeks but I do know I want things to work.

So... Now it's my time. I've called a couple shops in the area and felshlights retail for about $110 which is manageable.
Can't wait to get my hands on it, the physical re-conditioning should be a lot of fun


With regards to your monitary situation. It's unfortunate that you feel that way. Try and focus on the positives of it though. Think about where you will be and not where you are. Starting/running your own business takes a lot of brains and guts so be proud of that. Focus on the task at hand with the business and don;t let it effect your personal life or battle with RE. RE and your business have nothing to do with one another you know what i mean? So when you are focusing on the $$$ issues try and find the opposite to every negative and don't let your "business life" situation negatively effect your phsycological mindset towards relationships and RE.


And lastly

Do you have an appointment or not???

I got an appointment with the doc for next week and I'll ask for a refferal. You know all the self help books and guides all say taking action is the key, even if a solution doesn't look possible so here goes nothing.

Good job landing that appointment. Let me know how it goes.

She's been gone for a week and emmotionally I'm doing very well.

I bought a fleshlight and used it three times. It has a little more friction then I had hoped but it's night and day compared to my hand. I can reach climax with it while watching pornography no problem. So I can safely assume my problem is 90^ mental and maybe 10% physical.

My goal is reach climax with the fleshlight while thrusting and with a condom on... Something that would be impossible at this point...


I'm going to purchase this and let you know how it goes. It's worth a try and is fairly cheap. I'll gladly share it with you free of charge if you wish.

http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/downlo ... 31%21index

As for holosync. I've fallen way off track. Day 5 without listening to it right now... I've just been to busy and the little time i have spent home I've been doing chores, eating or sleeping.. I'm hoping to get back into it this weekend.

How goes the battle?

Hi guys
Im so glad I found this site and these comments. I am going insane. Do you mind if I tell you the score with me and get some feedback, fair dos to you all for coming on to find answers because its a problem!
I have just come home to an email from a local hypnotherapist guaranteeing that my problem will be solved ib 6-9 weeks. Im sceptical of course but he has offered a free consultation to assure me and prove it!

So im 26, married almost a year. have been with my wife for almost ten years, respecting her wishes we agreed not to have sex until we got married. (though we did do plenty of fooling around and I would have loved to have taken it further etc) I have never been able to cum inside my wife. And whilst she is sympathetic and tries to help i know she is frustrated too.

I can pinpoint a few issues which make me wonder will hypnotherapy work.

Since i was 12 i masturbated everyday, several times a day until i got married lol (That almost 15 years) I used a strange technique of rubbing the head of my penis as the skin didnt retract, so obviously the vagina cant recreate that feeling. I recently had frenuloplasty to solve the retracting skin issue and voila i can cum via the convention stroking the shaft method-sorry to be graphic but i have never actually been able to share this...still cant cum inside my wife. I also blame my teenage lad obsession with internet porn!

Before we got married, after a comment at my stag I had a whole sexual identity crisis, which i sorted and got through ok in the end. I think this crisis so close to our wedding didnt help.

My wife is gorgeous, especially when shes feeling frisky haha-she turns me on, i get aroused and whilst at the start of our marriage 3 or 4 hours of sex was fantastic- i now know i have a problem here. I am so lucky, i have what people think is a perfect life-but each day i just feel lower and lower as I cant enjoy the one thing I love alot! What do you think? How are you all getting on?? Anybody experienced hypnotherapy?

Heya Benjo,

The one major thing you have going for you is the ability to have sex on a regular basis.

The frustration must be unnbarable because it sounds like you really love her.. Well I hope you do because you married her :p

From what you've said your problem seems to be mainly physical. 15 years of self stimulation in such an unorthodox manner has programmed the highway between your two heads. Her vagina is a foreign place to what you are used to.


Now all you have to do is re pave the highway. Scroll up to my last post and follow the link to a hypnosis mp3 on retarded ejaculation. Give that a shot. Also, read retreatments blog. He has some helpfull tips on this physical reprogramming.


Here is a question. Can you come with your wife in the room while you masterbate? Can you come during oral sex?