My Story

Unlike many other, I'm fortunate to know how I developed this curse. It started the summer before my senior year in high school when my parents were fighting. It became very serious and got to the point where my mother left my dad and went to India to be with her side of the family. Being the older one, I let my aunt and uncle a different state have guardianship for my brother because I didn't want him to have to experience what was going on. Eventually, I convinced my mom to come back and live with my dad, but they still fight and they to hurt each other (physically at times) frequently. I went through my senior year in high school feeling miserable and depressed but covered it all up by keeping myself extremely busy. Once I got to college, I began to feel depressed and alone in the world. I went to see a therapist and after a while discovered that what I'm going through is called Dysthymia.

I am now 20 years old and a sophomore in college. There are just too many days where I feel alone because I don't know anyone else with Dysthymia and just feel like no one knows what I'm going through. I feel hopeless and like everything I do means nothing. I have a few close relationships, but can't make/maintain other ones as well as I could before. I've told several people that I have this thing called Dysthymia and tried to explain to them what it was, but it's just so hard to explain to them exactly how it is. I'm tired of feeling so alone in this world and so I've been recently looking for different forums where people share their stories and help each other. I read a few stories today and I cried more than I could ever remember. It's helped me feel like others do understand and I'm not alone in this world. And for that...thank you everyone!

Hi, quakeNshake! I'm not exactly sure what I have, but I know what it's like to feel depressed or completly out of energy or any kind of nice emotion and have no one to connect to. Thank you for posting on our forum too. Feel free to come here and talk about anything when you need to
Do you think your parents would ever go to therapy too? They shouldn't put their kids through something like this, but it must be tough for them.

Thanks Jasmin!

My parents wouldn't go to therapy and would be EXTREMELY hard for them to get a divorce (though I think its for the best) because they're very old fashioned and traditional Indian parents. I try to have as little as possible to do with them anyways since dealing with them causes me so much un-necessary stress and I like it better not having to deal with them. My brother and I remain close and he means the world to me, but I don't care about my parents anymore (as harsh ad that is).

I was wondering how other dysthymics manage to have (if they do that is) good relationships, both friendship and romantic? I find it hard to get people to understand what I'm going through and when I try to explain it they try to come up with ways I can "get better" by telling me things like focus on school, you just need to find the right girl and have a good relationship her, etc. They don't understand that those aren't solutions at all, and if I try to explain that to them they take it as me being stubborn or naive. So what I'm asking is, how do all of you help those close to you understand what you're going through?

You may not be able to get people to understand what you're going through. I know you must feel lonely, but some people just don't get it no matter how much you try to explain. Maybe with time and treatment you will start to feel better and it'll be easier for you to deal with others and find a partner.

It's ok if you don't care about your parents any more and it's pretty understandable.

I agree with Jasmin.
I don't expect people to understand so I avoid the frustration altogether.

people with dysthymia can cope like any other, it just takes a lot more effort.
I got lucky. My wife didn't know I was dysthymic. I had lived my life as a lie until just a few years ago, basically because I didn't know either.


But I cannot tell you how to feel better. Everyone is different. some need therapy, some need meds, some can get by without them, and some cannot seem to be able to escape the clutches of hopelessness.

Dear Quake,

I can't tell you how comforting it is to read your post. I have just this last semester FINALLY been diagnosed with dysthymic disorder. It all started nearly eleven years ago, when my parents divorced when I was eleven years old. Since the time I was thirteen, I've been in a constant state of depression, with multiple double depression episodes. I was like you. I went to college and I hit a wall. I'm a senior now, graduating this May, and I'm only just now getting medication and counseling.

Please, I beg anyone reading this, don't wait as long as I did. I was always so proud for not needing mediation, for never letting people know how sad I was, and because of that, it's pretty certain my condition is permanent because I've developed a serotonin deficiency. My life is always going to be much harder than it has to be. That doesn't mean that I can't do everything I want to do; it's just always going to be hard. I've only been able to have one boyfriend my entire life, and that relationship only last for three months. I have very few close friends and I often find leaving my room to be difficult.

Because dysthymic disorder isn't well known, people don't know they have it and even counselors don't always diagnose it. People read the definition and say, "Oh, so it isn't as bad as REAL depression." Don't let anyone tell you that what you have isn't real or serious, quake! It is a real medical condition. You aren't lazy. You aren't just a sad person. This isn't who you are meant to be. Don't let anyone belittle it. That's what I did, and now I'm paying for it.

I'm so glad to find a forum where people can talk about this horrible illness openly. I was starting to wonder if I was alone in the world, too. Can anyone give me any hope for a positive prognosis????