dysfunctional family/domestic abuse

I've said it on several occasions, here's one more for posterity.

You have absolutly no right allowing someone to hurt you just because you love them.

AND

Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with that person either

Witchygirl, you are right. Unfortunately, when it comes to family, it is always hard. Especially, when they were suppose to be there for you, by being supportive, and give "unconditional love".

Anonymous wrote:Witchygirl, you are right. Unfortunately, when it comes to family, it is always hard. Especially, when they were suppose to be there for you, by being supportive, and give "unconditional love".

It has been my experence that there really is no such thing as "unconditional love" because we all have a breaking point.

When it's about family, the best you can truely hope for is for your family to understand and tolerate your shortcommings and you theirs.
When that cant happen, you have to take care of your health.
Mental, emotional and physical.
AND It's your resposibility to take care of your own health first.

What you wrote was right on the mark. It is very important to take care of You!Like, with me it is always the same story w/family
issues. They don't know you, until they need something from you. Now, I'm trying to combat getting better w/the flu. I can't sleep. Everything is going thru my mind like a "wild Fire" thru the forest. Go figure. Thanks for replying and being supportive. We all need someone who has been there. [/quote]

My mother is an alcoholic and she's agorophobic too. I live less than 800 ft from her house. She hasen't been here (inside my house) in over 4 years. I do visit her regularly.
It took me a long time to stop allowing my mothers problems to be mine. I accept that unless my father dies first, things will remain the same for her until her own death. I will end up caring for her if something happens to my father. I'm not in the least bit resentful for it though because I continue to refuse to carry her problems. If I'm left as her caretaker, I'll not be an enabler. I'll help her every way possible to live a happy healthy life BUT not at the expense of my own health.
My relationship with my Mom is somewhat better than when I was younger. She IS an alcoholic. I accept the past that I can't change.
I'm finished mourning the loss of a life I never had. (that's kind of a Dr. Philism)
It's time to move forward

I'm sorry you feel so sad survivor 101. I know that your mother is your mother but she is also a person and if you can remove youself enough to see that, you'd probably not even like her much.

Some peoples approval is just not worth it. You are doing well without her. If you worry about not saying the things that 'normal' kids with 'normal' relationships do to their parents then write to her.

You may never send it, she may never read it, but you haven't really emotionally walked away from her yet. I don't think you will ever see 'oprah days' with her. You know, when you rush into each others arms and beg forgiveness, but you do owe yourself closure. Write down everything you'd like to tell her including I love you, I hate you, and make it the last time you allow her to cause you pain.

Do you have any children yourself? How old are you now if you dont mind me asking and does your faith bring you peace or more pain?


Karma.
x

I know in my heart that I would end up regretting that I gave into her by writing her. I know you are right by what you say Karma.
I guess I was always looking for her approval. I was always letting her say alot of abusive things to me, and not say anything back to her. I regret not telling her how I felt about her and her "guilt Trips". I don't have any children. I'm truly thankful for having no children. I would worry about being just like my mom. Now that is scary. My mom is an alcoholic also. There was alot of domestic violence in my family when I was growing up. Seeing my dad beat my mom has left lasting emotional scars. As well as me being a survivor of dv myself. Yes, my religion brings me peace.
I'm 37 now. I refuse to continue to be a victim. I want to be a strong survivor and go on with life. Thanks for replying.

I'm sorry to hear about her life Witchygirl. You're absolutely right, it's time to move on with your life. Thanks for replying and giving some insight. Take Care. Survivor101.

It has been my experence that there really is no such thing as "unconditional love".

As a mother myself I would have to disagree with you on this point. The only truly unconditional love I have experianced in my life is with my own daughters.

Anonymous wrote:

It has been my experence that there really is no such thing as "unconditional love".

As a mother myself I would have to disagree with you on this point. The only truly unconditional love I have experianced in my life is with my own daughters.

THAT is only because your children have not brought you to your breaking point!
Have no doubts, many mothers have had to exclude their toxic relationships with their children from their lives.
Most mothers will claim they still love their children.
Those mothers are usually dealing with a lot of self guilt at failing as mothers.
Society frowns greatly on mothers who fail!!!
Sometimes the real love isn't killed but remains a painful reminder. Either way, it does happen.
Love is conditional to an extent.

I do agree mothers can usually handle more than most other people when it comes to emotional pain.
If they are emotionally healthy to start with.
I can say this BECAUSE I am a mother also.