When does dependence/control become abusive? help please

My main question from all of this is if mildly controlling behaviors are a sign of future abuse. I became more concerned about this tonight: I went to pick my boyfriend up from our mutual friends' house, where I found him passed out; after a point of awkward chatting with friends, he woke up, and wanted me to take him home; after a long while of refusing, but trying not to get him riled up and make a scene, I walked out; he followed me, angry, and continued to block my way and drunkenly confront me ("why can't I come home with you," etc); which cumulated into him yelling and cursing at me, then grabbing me, then pushing me down. Since all of this was in an open residential area, some neighbors across the street were yelling at him to stop, and called the cops (he still wouldn't let me leave). One of his friends came outside and convinced him to let me go.

I know this seems less important, but I was holding my little dog the whole time (5lbs--he likes her) and he still pushed & lunged at me. I was more worried that she would get hurt, and appalled that he would do anything that could hurt a small animal (considering that she could get injured much more easily than I).

The good part was that he didn't grab or push me hard enough to hurt me (since we were on a lawn); but it shocked me that he would actually try to physically intimidate me. In a calm voice I told him that he was too drunk to come home with me, that his friends were laying him on his side so he wouldn't asphyxiate if he vomit [when he woke up], which incited him enough to go off on me-- what might he have done if we'd actually been fighting (if I'd stood up for myself, instead of keeping quiet while he cursed at me)?

There have been a few other times when he has been aggressive with me, almost all of which were when he was drunk, and were only name calling and general slander, with one time including light physical aggression (which was all brought about by my cheating). I've DEFINATLY been very inconsiderate & hurtful in the past (at the peak of untreated bulimia, ADHD, & bipolar). This doesn't excuse my or his behaviors, but since I feel horrible about the cheating I almost feel like the name calling was ok (though I don't express this to him, and have told him how disrespected I feel).

Sorry that this is so long....I'm just really concerned and confused. I love him very much, he's very sweet, affectionate, and kind, and we've talked extensively about getting back together--even possibly becoming engaged--after our "break" (while he studies abroad). Since we've worked through so much, with the exception of when to start the break, we've both become very close. The aggression is very rare (and has only occurred while he was drunk, & not physically bruising or anything); but I'm worried that it could be an indicator of bad self control. Just seeing that someone has the capacity to be use aggression and violence for intimidation is a huge red flag to me. I dumped my ex exactly a year ago after he attempted to rape me; in this case the offense was more serious (intentional, sober, & unremittingly forceful) as well as the relationship more riddled with problems. Does having the mental/personal capacity to use physical aggression always translate to future, worse aggression?[/b]

Yes it is, if he man handled you in any way, which he certianly did when he grabbed and pushed you then it's wrong.

Being drunk is not an excuse for his behaviour. Yelling and cursing to make you feel bad etc is verbal or emotional abuse...

He doesn't have to leave physical marks on you for it not to be abuse hon... it is regardless...

If a red flag is going up, then please listen to it...

Read this carefully:

You have absolutly no right allowing someone to hurt you just because you love them!!!

Love yourself first and recognise it's ok to love someone and choose NOT to be in a relationship with them!
You deserve to be treated correctly and with love.
This is NOT love!
Not on his part anyway.
AND No matter how much you love him, you can't make him love you back. You can't "earn" his love and trust either!

You have a right to be with someone who truely loves you and can show it consistantly.
YOU DESERVE THAT!!!

I guarantee the next time you see him, he'll try to blame you for the incident. He'll minimize it, trivialize it, make excuses but ultimatly blame you in some way.
Then he'll be sweet and charming. Promise to never do it again. Seem sorry and apologetic. Want to "make it up to you" by buying you something or taking you out somewhere nice. Forgive and forget right? That is what he'll be expecting. It's a cycle. An abuse cycle.
In my signature is a link to my blog. In my blog are links to emotional abuse sites. I suggest you read them all as well as readng more on this forum. This forum is so good, I listed it on my blog!

Absolutly under no pretense should you become engaged to this person let alone marry them and have children!
Can you imagine how you'd feel having this drunk F***er do this to you in front of your kids??? What would he do to your kids???

You are already within the cycle of abuse. It's up to you to see the cage and step out. It starts with self-worth. You ARE worth better!
Now treat yourself like you are!